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Willow

Ranting

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Willow

If you have something to rant about, please put it in here rather than in 'Chit Chat'. I'd really appreciate it if 'Chit Chat' could be a positive and friendly outlet for everyone.

 

Rant at you leisure...

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brookeloveslotr

Ok. It really ticks me off when someone gets mad at me just because I don't know how to do something. I don't know everything, and I've had some people blow up at me just for asking them how to do a task in the nice way. It's pretty exhausting sometimes.

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L Lawliet

Ok. It really ticks me off when someone gets mad at me just because I don't know how to do something. I don't know everything, and I've had some people blow up at me just for asking them how to do a task in the nice way. It's pretty exhausting sometimes.

 

Similarly, I hate people having a go at others for accidents/mistakes

 

They are not done on purpose! :P

 

(This ranting business could be quite healthy :))

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Toran

Ok. It really ticks me off when someone gets mad at me just because I don't know how to do something. I don't know everything, and I've had some people blow up at me just for asking them how to do a task in the nice way. It's pretty exhausting sometimes.

I totally agree with you there people are so intolerant in their nature maybe we should have a go back in the same perportion as they do to us.

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AutismUnrestricted

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child. My fault was that I trusted people and thought they loved me and cared about me. They hated me and used me as an object and I still didn't think they were wrong. I blamed myself for the abuse and felt guilt and shame throughout my life. I have an active core of self hatred and I actively seek to destroy my life in every way I can whether it is eating too much sugar, not taking therapy, not looking after myself or ruining my relationships with a few close people in my life. I feel unworthy and unlovable. I know the process of recovery that works for me but I still wont do it as that would make me feel better and I shouldn't feel better because i'm so hideous that I don't deserve it. 

 

I am so confused as part of me wants to get better, have a good healthy life, friends and interests and there is the other self hating part of me that wants me to be a recluse and die young. I know consciously which one to pick but the subconscious won't allow me to as she is convinced that I'm responsible for my abuse and hence don't deserve to be happy.

 

Can anyone else relate and offer any advise? 

 

Ps: For God sake don't tell me go to a therapist, psychiatrist or GP, they don't understand. They just give me antidepressants that make me have brain shivers and make me numb. I don't like them and I think they don't know much but like to pretend to be very important to get their familiy's  approval and do the social climbing thing.

 

If I have said anything offensive, I don't care anymore.

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Sofi

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child. My fault was that I trusted people and thought they loved me and cared about me. They hated me and used me as an object and I still didn't think they were wrong. I blamed myself for the abuse and felt guilt and shame throughout my life. I have an active core of self hatred and I actively seek to destroy my life in every way I can whether it is eating too much sugar, not taking therapy, not looking after myself or ruining my relationships with a few close people in my life. I feel unworthy and unlovable. I know the process of recovery that works for me but I still wont do it as that would make me feel better and I shouldn't feel better because i'm so hideous that I don't deserve it. 

 

I am so confused as part of me wants to get better, have a good healthy life, friends and interests and there is the other self hating part of me that wants me to be a recluse and die young. I know consciously which one to pick but the subconscious won't allow me to as she is convinced that I'm responsible for my abuse and hence don't deserve to be happy.

 

Can anyone else relate and offer any advise? 

 

Ps: For God sake don't tell me go to a therapist, psychiatrist or GP, they don't understand. They just give me antidepressants that make me have brain shivers and make me numb. I don't like them and I think they don't know much but like to pretend to be very important to get their familiy's  approval and do the social climbing thing.

 

If I have said anything offensive, I don't care anymore.

I relate & understand about the abuse. If the feelings related to the abuse are not faced and dealt with, they will remain inside you unfortunately and can come out in strange ways. It is always underlying unless it is dealt with. 

I do actually take medication that includes antidepressants and other medications that 'help'

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spiderwoman0_2

@AutismUnrestricted. Please don't ever blame yourself for what those monsters did to you, it was not your fault, you didn't ask for it and you didn't deserve it.  You were the vulnerable child who should have been loved and looked after and instead you were mistreated.  Don't let the monsters win, you are far better than them and you deserve to be happy and have the life you want.  You are not hideous and you have a loving husband.  Make the most of your life together and free yourself of the self hatred, instead just think to yourself that you are entitled to the life that they stole away.  They are the hideous ones and you did nothing wrong.  Go and get the help that works for you, you need it and you deserve it and be happy. :)

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AutismUnrestricted

I relate & understand about the abuse. If the feelings related to the abuse are not faced and dealt with, they will remain inside you unfortunately and can come out in strange ways. It is always underlying unless it is dealt with. 

I totally agree with this. Thanks. 

 

About Meds, glad it works for you but my experience was terrible. For me it caused me so much physical distress that my emotions went in hiding as my attention was occupied with physical stuff. I'd personally prefer to be dead than take those again.

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Peridot

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child. My fault was that I trusted people and thought they loved me and cared about me. They hated me and used me as an object and I still didn't think they were wrong. I blamed myself for the abuse and felt guilt and shame throughout my life. I have an active core of self hatred and I actively seek to destroy my life in every way I can whether it is eating too much sugar, not taking therapy, not looking after myself or ruining my relationships with a few close people in my life. I feel unworthy and unlovable. I know the process of recovery that works for me but I still wont do it as that would make me feel better and I shouldn't feel better because i'm so hideous that I don't deserve it. 

 

I am so confused as part of me wants to get better, have a good healthy life, friends and interests and there is the other self hating part of me that wants me to be a recluse and die young. I know consciously which one to pick but the subconscious won't allow me to as she is convinced that I'm responsible for my abuse and hence don't deserve to be happy.

 

Can anyone else relate and offer any advise? 

 

Ps: For God sake don't tell me go to a therapist, psychiatrist or GP, they don't understand. They just give me antidepressants that make me have brain shivers and make me numb. I don't like them and I think they don't know much but like to pretend to be very important to get their familiy's  approval and do the social climbing thing.

 

If I have said anything offensive, I don't care anymore.

 

I've heard this before. That people think negatively about themselves and think they don't deserve much if anything and I don't understand it. I don't have that much experience with having a grudge against myself. But it seems it's not as simple as that judging by your post. If a grudge was the only issue then that's pretty clear how that can be resolved. But your issues go beyond that so just talking about how to approach getting rid of a grudge isn't going to do the trick (not that there's so much to say about that anyway).

 

What you describe reminds me of when I had OCD where for the longest time I was stuck in this situation and I had trouble getting out of it regardless of me consciously "knowing better". OCD is a serious problem. You've got a serious problem too.

 

I'm reminded of people from the Westboro baptist church who brainwashed their kids into "believing" certain things and these kids remained twisted well into adulthood. Maybe something similar is going on with you where you were "programmed" a certain way in your youth and you need to "unprogram" that.

 

Don't really know what else to say. Good luck solving these problems.

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Sofi

I totally agree with this. Thanks. 

 

About Meds, glad it works for you but my experience was terrible. For me it caused me so much physical distress that my emotions went in hiding as my attention was occupied with physical stuff. I'd personally prefer to be dead than take those again.

I know about medication is hard, it took some time to find the right medication for me. I know about bad physical side effects, but I don't think it's for everyone and talking therapy is useful too. It would be good if you could find someone who you could talk to about it like a counceller just.

Remember it's not your fault, you do deserve to be happy. You are who you are, not what happened to you.

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