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MrGrey

Elderly Aspie being abused (82yo) - Long Story

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MrGrey

  I don't know where to start.  I'm not even sure that I'm using the right forum.  But since it is about my mother, I guess it should be OK.

 

  Last time I posted on the site, I was having issues, being overwhelmed with a gazillion things I had to do.  I haven't had a break since then, and there's still a lot of things that are waiting for my attention.  However, everything in my life came to a hold some weeks ago when my mother called me and said she needed me by her side right away, but refused to tell me why.

 

  I took a flight and I arrived at mum's in less than 24h.  I had not seen my mother on over a decade.  First thing I noticed was that all her hair is now white.  It was odd.  I mean, she is 82yo and I'm sure she must had white hair for quite some time.  But she always went places to get it tinted.  I never saw it, till I arrived here.

 

  After a greeting and a very long hug, I asked my mom if she had eaten.  She said no, it was 3 PM.  I headed for the kitchen and I was surprised when I could only find 3 bottles of water, half an orange and a kid's size box of corn flakes.  I went out, got some groceries and came back to prepare some food.

 

  Then I started looking around and I could only find ONE pot, with a broken handle, and a table spoon.  No kitchen utensils, no frying pans, no proper pots, nothing.  I took a deep breath, went back out, bought some basic kitchen equipment and came back.

 

  After making dinner, one of my sisters showed up.  Mom got nervous, very nervous.  This was the sister that was currently in-charge of mom's finances.  Mom told her "Grey is here, he will be here for some time and while he's here, he will take care of my bills.  So please give him my bank account atm and my current bills".

 

  My sister started yelling.  She left the atm card there and said "if I'm not going to take care of the money, then I won't come again", and left.  She came back later, left the bills on the table, and left again.  

 

  I started asking my mum what the heck is going on, she said "I want you to wait and see".

 

  Next day, same sister calls and say that mom has a doctors appointment, and tells me the address, and the time.  I told mom but mom say "I can't go".  Given that it was a medical thing, I was going to try to convince mom to go.  So I went to her closet to pick up some clothes.  But all I could find on the closet was 4 sets of pajamas, all of them old and full of holes.   Mum then said "that's why, I cant go".

 

 She asked me to go to the bank and check her balance.  $0.39 was all that was left.  I took a pamphlet on how to setup the online banking, got to a wifi hotspot, and started looking through the transactions.   A pattern immediately showed up.  Every month, her pensions come in (like $3,500) and then comes a series of days in which money gets withdraw daily, up to the $500 max, using ATM teller machines.  Same story every month, till account is dry.  

 

  I went back home, check the bills.  Total monthly amount in bills fluctuate, but never exceeds $500 (house is paid off).    

 

  It was getting dark, and the trash can was a lil full, so I wen to take out the trash.  Most of the trash was empty doggy bags from local restaurants.

 

  So a sat back and thought for a long long time.  I tried putting all the pieces together.  It looks like my sister was withdrawing all of mom's money every month.  Paid the bills, yes... but pocketed the rest.  She kept my mom with no clothes, prolly to make sure mom could not go anywhere.  She kept the kitchen empty, prolly to force my mom to depend on her for food.  She prolly used mom's money to eat on expensive restaurants daily, and brought mom the doggy bags from those restaurants.

 

  For the next few days I was digesting all this information.  I could not believe it.  I kept looking at all the transactions and stuff that was paid directly with the ATM... beer purchases late at night, on beer stores 4 counties away.. etc.  It looked like it wasn't just one sister, but 3 of the 4 ones that live near mom.  They seem to take turns on the abuse.

 

  One thing didn't add up.  For a period of 2 months, around a year ago, only the bills were paid and the account balance went up quickly by a few thousands.  By the addresses that appeared on the transactions, I deducted that during this period, the 4th sister took charge.  But then it went back to the thieves.  I contacted that sister and she is really bad at mom.  She told me this has been going on for years, she stepped in, but mom gave control back to the thieves.  It didn't made sense.

 

  Again, I sat down and I thought.  I kept thinking most of the day, for a few days actually.  And then I tried something.  I called the car rental company and asked them to pick up the car at mom's.  Then I lay down on my old room, quiet... no tv, no music, nothing.  And I waited for hours.  That afternoon, I hear the outside gate being opened, and I hear my sisters voices.  They opened the house, went to my mom's room and started arguing with mom about the control of the money.  Then they really went overboard, one of them started hitting mom.

 

  When I heard the beating, it took me a few seconds to react.  I could not believe this.  I didn't wanted to believe this.  What the heck happened during the years I was away?  How come I call each one of them every month, and I never suspected a thing?  

 

  I stepped in, entered mom's room, threw my sisters out and just sat there, holding my mother like she was a little baby, while she just cried.

 

  I have no doubt that when the 4th sister stepped in and started doing some good, same thing happened, and the thieves prolly hit my mom, threaten her and got back the control of the money.

 

  At the current time, all the required legal actions are already running.  I will be leaving in a few weeks, as soon as some legal stuff gets taken care off.  Mom will come with me.  We'll now live thousands of miles away from all this.

 

  During this days, I've been observing mom, and I have also realized that my aspergers came from her.  I never noticed this things before.  But she does have every single perk I have.  I'm also amazed at how strong she is.  Her mood has improved dramatically, and at her 82 years, she is been cooking daily, cleaning, gardening and doing everything she needs to do by herself.

 

  I'm not sure where the legal actions against the thieves are gonna end up.  And to be honest, at this time I don't really care.  I just want to keep my mom with me, everywhere I go.  I'm never moving away from my mother again... ever.  Probably after we finalize things here and move out, I'll give more thought to the ramifications of all this.  But know I just want to stay with mother, and get her as far away from here as possible.

 

  I can't describe how I feel right now.  I don't know if I have questions.  I just felt the need to shootout to the forums and tell the story.  Maybe ask for some moral support to stay strong till we are out of here.  

 

  Wish me luck.

 

   

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luckydip

That'sa terrible story. Glad you are now able to give your mum the care and support she deserves.

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Megsmum

Wow, what a traumatic situation to have to deal with. You must be overwhelmed with emotions about your mum and your sisters right now. At least you know your mum is safe now and you are doing all you can for her. It may be a good idea to stay in contact with your 4th sister so she can maybe help you out or at least give you moral support, especially with the legal proceedings against the other 2 sisters. Its a shame she wasn't as strong as you in standing up to the other sisters, but at least she tried.

I'm glad to hear you Mum is regaining her independence and finding happiness with you. You have done well to get through this alone, but make sure you look after yourself too. Talk to people, either in real life or on the forum, to help you get through the changes your life is going through. It sounds like you and your Mum are both strong people and that together you will be able to move on from this and be happy together. I wish you all the best for the future.

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spiderwoman0_2

OMG I can't believe that, how can your own sisters treat your mum that way, how could they be so evil and disrespectful.  Thank god your mum called you, I'm so pleased you came to her rescue, I would have done the same thing.  If your mum owns her own house, tell her to make a Will so that the three evil sisters don't get their hands on it.  You've been amazing and I bet your mum is so proud of you and now she can live in safety and happiness.

 

It must have been really difficult for you to come to terms with everything and then to deal with all the legal stuff, your love for your mother and determination will get you through any anxieties you have.  I'm sure you'll support each other and your nice sister will be so relieved that everything is sorted out.

 

Sorry if I spoke out of turn for calling your three sisters evil, but I couldn't help myself.

 

Let us know how you are and how your mum is, I know you'll get plenty of support here and you have my total respect. :)

 

Take care x 

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vcq14

MrGrey, SO sorry to hear that this has happened to you / your mum. :( I hope that the legal system takes appropriate action against your sisters and that your mother gets some of the  money back that had been stolen from her. It sounds like she is a very strong woman!

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Pinky and his brain

Wow, that's a really sad story. :(

 

I hope you and your mother get things in order. I can't do much to help you, but you have all my sympathy and best wishes. You have done the right thing, be proud of yourself for being able to get through this in a good way. I hope you both end up in a better place when all this is over. Be strong!

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MrGrey

Thx for the support.  I'm doing everything that needs to get done to keep my mother protected in the future.  At the current time we are mostly waiting for some legal proceedings (power of attorney and such).  All those things cost money, and mum's finances are currently ruined.  But I have friends of my own.  Few of them, but damn good ones.  They lend me more than enough to cover all legal fees and get things started.  

 

I might get more active online while we wait for the legal stuff to happen.

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Rocco

Good on you for taking charge and taking care of your mother. It was a horrible situation and you saved her. My sister is very similar to your crooked ones. She has pulled things like this sort of, against my parents but they are not so old. I sympathize with your situation. Don't let people tell you not to press charges. I find myself unable to express the immense respect I have for you. Bravo Zulu! And best wishes.

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MrGrey

One thing I noticed when looking through the mountains of papers I found here, is that my sisters where trying to convince everyone that my mom was already senile.  She is not, mom's mind is clear as day.  However, I'm convinced, mom is aspie and nobody knew.

 

Why is this important now?  She's 82 already.  Well... People were pointing at "weird" things mom does, and saying "see, she must be crazy".

 

But she is not crazy.  She has some aspie obsessions, yes.  They seem pointless and trivial.  And she talks about them and assumes everybody will be super interested.  Classical aspie behaviour.

 

She listens to a conversation, and after the conversation has changed topics 4 times, she makes a comment about the 1st topic that is no longer relevant.  Again, aspie, not crazy.

 

She speaks "out of turn"... again, aspie, not crazy.

 

She dedicates "WAY TO MUCH" attention to the details of coffee making (people say).  It has to be the right temperature, the right amounts, the right technique.  There's even changes to the technique, depending on the time of the year... because of the different weather conditions at the time the coffee bean was harvested.  So much attention to detail, seems like "craziness" to the "normal" people.  But is not, that's just her main aspie obsession: Coffee Brewing.  She even worked as a field worker on the coffee fields in 1939.  She knows the stuff.  And her's is the best coffee ever made.  

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Heather

Aw wow, I'm so sorry about what your sisters have done.  I wish you luck with getting everything sorted.  You have done well to step in and take charge and take care of your mother and I'm sure she is proud of you.  I can see how interesting it would be for you to now see how much she is like you with the Aspie thing.  It's cool that she knows so much about coffee making.  Good luck with everything, and make sure to take care of yourself during this too.

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