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Clockwork Crow

Having a child?

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Clockwork Crow

Its a looooong way off for me, but i was wondering what peoples thoughts are on having their own kids, and about raising them in a world where many of us don't understand ourselves? Especially if both parents are AS. But then again everyone has the right to have kids. What about the child though? If it was Neurotypical and growing up with Aspie parents? Would an autistic child with autistic parents be 'better' off?

Edited by Clockwork Crow

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Heather

It's also a long ways off for my partner and I, at least a good few more years.. that is if we even decide to have our own kids..  At the moment we both know we are not ready, and that is doubled by the fact that we are not in the same country! lol  but we have thought about it.  My partner talked to the support worker who helped him when he lived in that county, and he still keeps in touch with, and he asked what she thought if two people with AS had a child, what would the likelihood that they would have AS (or autism, can't remember the question he said he asked) and she said it was very likely.  That said, everyone should be open to the very strong possibility that your child is not going to be like you! :)  It would take a lot of work to raise a child, and my partner and I wouldn't have a child until we are stable with finances and more than adequate resources for a child, and also mentally and emotionally ready for a child... so at least another few years.  And we also agreed that two kids would be perfect, it's a number he likes too, and I said that I would prefer, if I did have kids, not to have just one kid, because I feel like I would be even more prone to be overprotective of them.  Though I will need to work on that no matter what, because a child has to be protected but not too much.  

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L Lawliet

My partner and I don't want kids. It's not that I don't like kids, I love them. But (without sounding really selfish) I want to live my life how I want to live it.

 

I would find children incredibly stressful and I just want to spend my life with my partner and go traveling and stuff. I can't see where kids would slot in to my life. I live on my worries as it is, I couldn't even imagine having that much responsibility. It's most likely my dad leaving that gave me this frame of mind, but I don't feel that need women get to have kids. It's just not there.

 

I can't wait to be an aunty however :)

 

I don't think it makes a difference whether or not the parents of kids with ASD have it themselves or not. Surely it's more about parents having the understanding and the patience, not whether they have it too. It would be about the parents willing to learn about ASD and help there kids in every way they can.

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DominikaCupcake

I don't want to have kids, but my partner does which makes a little conflict between as. I don't feel like this is a right role for me. I don't think i could be a good mom, because i'm not responsible enough. I can't deal with my own problems, so how can i help my children to grow up in this world. I would rather have a dog and other animals and focus on my hobbies and career. But at the same time i don't want to hurt my boyfriend. I know that he wants to be father one day. 



My partner and I don't want kids.

 

You're lucky that you both agree on that.

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L Lawliet

I don't want to have kids, but my partner does which makes a little conflict between as. I don't feel like this is a right role for me. I don't think i could be a good mom, because i'm not responsible enough. I can't deal with my own problems, so how can i help my children to grow up in this world. I would rather have a dog and other animals and focus on my hobbies and career. But at the same time i don't want to hurt my boyfriend. I know that he wants to be father one day. 

You're lucky that you both agree on that.

 

Me too. I'd much rather have animals :) I knew he wasn't keen on kids before we got together so that helped.

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Guest

I really want kids. I want to be able to bring someone into the world and give them the opportunities they deserve. It is a pretty selfish reason but I believe that I would feel like I had accomplished something and I would have someone to love and care for. Due to other reasons I have been looking into adoption but it would still be a child for me. Oh yeah I know I am a bit young but it is nice to think about what I could do in 10 years +

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HalfFull

I have come to realise that both work and children would almost certainly be too much for me. I'd probably not cope with more than part-time work if I had children. Either way, I need my own space at some point during the week as I get overloaded and in need of a break quite quickly. Sometimes just pulling a 37 hour working week and then running a flat is hard going enough. I'd possibly living with a partner easier than being alone, because we would support each other, but to then have children with that person would be a whole different matter time and energywise. Besides, the fact that I'm now 40, means that its becoming increasingly less likely that I'll ever have my own children, but 3 years ago I still wanted kids and with someone with none of their own.

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myphoria

I have a child and there are ways in which being on the spectrum has made parenthood a challenge for me. Chronic depression/anxiety are a challenge, and I don't like socialising, so things like children's birthday parties, "play dates", "mother's groups" and even just having to share the park with other parents are difficult, exhausting and anxiety provoking for me.

Some days, sensory issues combined with lack of sleep and a screaming toddler can be difficult, but there is a lot of love and many joyous moments mixed in as well. I love my son and I really look forward to watching him grow, develop his own interests and share those interests with his dad and I.

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Nesf

I don't have children and never wanted to have them. Work was exhausting for me and after work I always wanted to keep things low key, relax and have my own space. I didn't think I'd be able to cope with the demands of small children, the noise they make and attention they need. The whole idea of being pregnant and giving birth was terrifying for me. It's ok for men, they don't have to go through any of this. I don't think I could have gone through with it. Also the major change a child would bring and responibility was always a daunting prospect. I never thought I'd make a good mother.

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King_oni

I have no interest to have children of my own

 

- I'm probably a bit to pessimistic to expect society to be a better place in the long run.

- I can barely sustain myself financially (let alone a child)

- I'd probably be an irresponsible parent 

- I'm way too involved with myself and my own obsessions to care a lot about others. A child would cause too much interference and frustration for me. I'd expect childcare services to step in eventually. (I don't even want to have pets for similar reasons)

- I don't like children at all anyway.

 

I guess it helps that my girlfriend has similar reasoning why she doesn't want kids.

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