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Kuribo [old account]

How do I "Live"?

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Kuribo [old account]

I feel like there isn't any point to my life. All I do, day after day is either go to some terrible place I despise from the bottom of my heart or stay in the house doing nothing. I feel completely detached from everyone and everything around me. I have nothing to aspire to. No goals or ambitions. I'm just wasting away and no one cares. People say that life shouldn't be defined by a purpose, and that it's all about just "living". Tell me then, what is this "living" thing you speak of? How do I go about doing it? Because I don't understand.

How can one enjoy the rich excitement and diversity life can offer without having anyone to share it with? I have no one at all, and most people have no understanding of how difficult that is. I feel like screaming every time I see someone complaining about "only" having five friends or whatever, when they cannot begin to comprehend what four years of TOTAL isolation are like.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking here. I just want to have something to work towards that's exciting, and that I enjoy. Legally, my childhood is over and I've very little to look back on with fondness. It's all very well for those who've lived longer to say that it "will get better" but this is the entirety of my life, and I look back on most of it with disappointment and regret. I just want ... SOMETHING! What? I haven't a bloody clue.

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Xenolith

I suppose the obvious answer is to get an ambition, to find something to work towards, but I'm absolutely aware that this is much, much easier said than done. It must be pretty awful living without anything to aim towards. I'm the same age as you but I've got - and have had for a long time - very clear goals to work towards so I've never really had that kind of a problem. 

 

What I would do is look at your skills and interests and then look at how you can apply it in the 'real world', bearing in mind the constraints that very obviously exist. Do you have any kind of a short term plan? What are you doing at the moment, and are you intending to go to Uni? Also is your childhood legally over? I thought a minor was classed as someone under 18.

Edited by Chlorophile

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Kuribo [old account]

I suppose the obvious answer is to get an ambition, to find something to work towards, but I'm absolutely aware that this is much, much easier said than done. It must be pretty awful living without anything to aim towards. I'm the same age as you but I've got - and have had for a long time - very clear goals to work towards so I've never really had that kind of a problem.

 

What I would do is look at your skills and interests and then look at how you can apply it in the 'real world', bearing in mind the constraints that very obviously exist. Do you have any kind of a short term plan? What are you doing at the moment, and are you intending to go to Uni?

I'm currently finishing my fourth year of high school. I know you said that it hasn't been that much of a problem for you, but I've had a terrible time there, and it's effected me so much that I'm seriously depressed and waiting for psychiatric help.

Because of this, I've applied for a computing course at college but my application response is now over a week late.

Also is your childhood legally over? I thought a minor was classed as someone under 18.

In Scotland, the law is different. Sixteen is the age at which people are classed as adults here.

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jenny.wren76

It isn't true that nobody cares. The people here care, and probably your family cares but just don't know what to do to help you.

Do you live on your own or with family? If you live with family you aren't actually totally isolated.

At your Aspie's group is there a counselor there or is it just all people with Asperger's? Have you tried communicating with others in the group

via written words? Maybe there is someone there that can help you adjust to social interactions at your pace,  you just have to tell people what

you need so they can help. You could write down that you are extremely anxious in social situations, that you've had a very rough time the past few years,

that you really need a friend and you need help finding a friend, that you know you make awkward faces and you can't help it, etc. You could share that with the group, and it might cause another person to 'speak up' about what they need also. I would want to know if someone in a group I was part of wanted to be friends

and was having a hard time making them. If you don't talk in the group meetings then the others may assume that you don't want to talk, that you want to be left alone or something.

I think you should make it a goal to start interacting with someone like that, even though it will be VERY uncomfortable- there's no way to move forward socially without being uncomfortable for a bit. Do what you need to do to get through it (stimming, ear defenders, whatever). Maybe someone in the group would like to get to know you through emails, that can be a good bridge builder, then you can work your way up to talking to them with your mouth parts.

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Kuribo [old account]

No one cares and people here want me to go

Edited by Kuribo

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jenny.wren76

I care, and I am somebody. I don't want you to go, I don't know about others and I don't care if they do- they don't have to read your posts if they find them too stressful or whatever. If a person clicks on your posts and reads them that is their choice to do so.

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spiderwoman0_2

Well I don't think you should stop going to that social group, you might click with someone there and to be honest the only way to make a friend is to make the effort to try and talk to someone that you like the look of.  If there is no one there at the moment then someone new might join who you have things in common with. 

 

The hard thing about life is that you have to put effort in in order for you to get anything out of it, for example: it's the same with exams, if you don't put the effort in then how can you expect to pass. 

 

I know it's difficult for you, but sometimes we don't find our friends until later in life.  Do you ever go out and about with your parents on day trips or the cinema? At least you'd be doing something different and you might enjoy it.

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Rocco

I feel at a loss here. I want to help you. I care, and I am bummed that you feel so down. I feel like I push you away when I try to be supportive. Life is not easy. For anyone. I have ALWAYS struggled with my self, life, career, schooling, relationships. I could go on and on. Some things I hold as personal truths at age 33; you have to love yourself first, before you can love another or find a true partnership. Try to be comfortable with yourself. I am not always comfortable with myself, but make great efforts to do so.

One of the greatest compliments I ever received was at a wedding where I knew only two people. I was epic uncomfortable and anxious so I did my chimney thing and walked in like I was with the hottest chick there. I was after all, at least in our 5-year plus or minus age group. This old guy tells me, " I saw you walk in and thought, God DAMN there is a man comfortable in his own skin!" I was stunned by this but it made me very happy.

I think that when older people say it will get better they speak from experience. As a teenager, people experience all types o hormones and new feelings, developing minds and ideas, morals and life outlooks. Adapting to social pressure to fit in, find a job, behave, etcetera. This stage in life is incredibly difficult for anyone, spectrum or not. I believe I have always been a late bloomer, I do not know I this has any thing to do with AS or just me. I feel like I have always been 3-5 years behind those I consider normal. It's was only at 28-30 that I really even started to accept me for me, or to feel like I was good enough, or that I had done SOMETHING right.

I don't even know if it gets easier or we just get used to life. I feel better now than I ever did before, but in general life's problems have only grown larger. I read in some signature here about life being about you perception and how you choose to view the world. This view will shape your entire life, be it negative positive or complacent. I try to stay positive because going negative leads me to depression and people avoid constant negativity. I find myself very negative often and diligently work to stay upbeat.

I would recommend traveling. See as much of different places and people and cultures as you can, there are volunteer programs that provide accommodations for travelers in exchange for volunteer work. Walk to another town if close enough, buy a car and drive somewhere, ask someone to take you, take a bus. Experience something new. Experience is the greatest education. Learning likes and dislikes.

I think your feelings are totally normal and acceptable. With out them you would be just a mindless part of the crowd.

Best wishes my friend.

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aspiesw

To "live", as you put it. You need to do whatever it is that makes you happy, things that you really want to do and are passionate about. It's pointless asking people how to live/make yourself happier, because you're the only one who knows what makes you truly happy

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Ben

The hard thing about life is that you have to put effort in in order for you to get anything out of it,

 

 

 

 

It's pointless asking people how to live/make yourself happier, because you're the only one who knows what makes you truly happy

 

Sorry, I'm just too lazy to reply with anything of my own. 

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