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epiphanycakes

i have a problem

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epiphanycakes

hello all , iv got a problem that is getting very quickly out of hand. my gf is aspie over the past few years iv been trying too say what shes doing ( controlling behavior, extreme hissy fits,constant criticism on how i keep my flat, it being "our" flat when she cant legally stay there) among others. the stress is causing me too have chest pain, black outs eta as she takes it out on me. I don't  do shouting as 1 it hurts my ears and 2 i cant deal with the emotion . that plus the braking of boundaries and interference. it keeps happening too the point i get meltdowns in the past and its getting that way again . she hasnt changed and iv got to compromise on everything. i mean everything! what i eat what i wear , when i sleep , when im on my pc , what i buy, how my house is like, who i see when i see them. 

she almost forced me away from a autistic meeting and she bitched and moaned at me for days afterword for being me. and to " stop over reacting!" with my  sensory sensitivity aswell

 

any advise would be good, at this point i dont care about the fall out

 

 

 

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King_oni

Honestly I think you're already giving up way too much of yourself, no matter how great of a person she is (or maybe, was). 

 

It's obviously taking a toll on your health, so you should really consider what's best for yourself. Perhaps you should make it clear that if she doesn't change and you find somewhere in the middle, that you don't think you can keep this relationship going.

 

If anything, a relationship is about respecing eachothers space and boundaries. Clearly she's crossing them... not with small steps, but huge jumps.

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Nesf

Yes, I agree with King_Oni, you need to wait until she's calm and in a good mood, and explain the affect it's having on you and that unless there is compromise, the relationship won't work.

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epiphanycakes

i have , 4 times! and waited almost 2 years . and now im being me ( more aspie and sensitive) shes lying and pushing my friend of 5 years too the edge :( 

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spiderwoman0_2

I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but I'd ditch her, she sounds a right cow (sorry), no one should tell you how to act or tell you what to do all the time.  You've got to be yourself and if she can't except you for who you are then she's not the one for you and she's not worth it.

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Smithy The Wizard

Okay, so, I'm just going to get to the point and say that you should get her out of your life. She's being toxic, she's dictating everything about your life. This is out of hand, it's taking a toll on you physically, emotionally, and mentally. Which is bad, very bad. Like I said, toxic. If she can't accept you for who you are, then she is not worth your time.

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jenny.wren76

I agree with the others. It's time to change the locks if she has a key. If she has any of your belongings, maybe your friend will be supportive and go with you to retrieve them. If necessary, file a restraining order. Box her stuff up, and next time she comes over just give her the boxes and tell her it's over. It would be better if you have a friend with you at that time too, for support and as a witness and a person to call the police if it becomes necessary. She sounds abusive. She may have Asperger's, but that doesn't give her the right to be abusive emotionally or otherwise.

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epiphanycakes

thank you, i am after her exams at collage. il post how it  gose , don't worry im doing fine my family have my back as well :) -runs round hugging everyone that commented- ^_^

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Gerrymanders Pose

Some fruits look delicious but when you bite into them they are bitter.

You are not her carer and like a drowning person she will drag you down.

I have a similar situation where every day we visit the gates of Hell and for the life of me i don't know why we are together.

Maybe you are younger than me (48 ) i have everything saturated in my relationship and i can't just leave....the saddest thing is that i would leave her if i could

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Smithy The Wizard

thank you, i am after her exams at collage. il post how it  gose , don't worry im doing fine my family have my back as well :) -runs round hugging everyone that commented- ^_^

Good luck! ;)

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