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PandaPrincess

Is it okay to facebook message a guy I don't know very well but have a crush on?

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PandaPrincess

Ok.  It's really difficult for me to post this, but I really need advice.  I have a crush on this guy that I go to college with, and I just got out of a really bad relationship, but I've been out of the relationship for about a few months now, and I know that I do not want to go back out with him again!  So, I'd really like to go out with a new guy.  In particular, the one I have a crush on.  I don't know the guy very well, so I have difficulties approaching him and talking to him.  I said hi to him once, and I also attempted to make small talk with him one time, which went very awkwardly.  Ok, I wasn't going to include this in the post because I feel like a terrible person about it, but I told my ex that I kinda like this guy because my ex tells me about all the girls that he likes.  I know, I know, it's very weird. Well, I didn't think my ex would go and tell the guy, but he kinda did.  So the guy knows that I like him now, and he may think that i am creepy and weird. 

 

College is out for right now, so I probably won't see this guy again until I go back to school in the fall.  There is one building he usually hangs around in a lot, so hopefully I can say hi to him again.  Anyway, I would really like to talk to him because I know that if I don't, then there is no chance that he would like me at all.  I've been tempted to message him on facebook and see if I could have a decent conversation with him since I can't see him in person, but I am afraid of how he would react  considering that he doesn't know me and the things I mentioned above.  

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King_oni

Are you facebook friends with this guy? If not, it might feel a bit invasive to just message someone out of the blue. Perhaps befriend him first?

 

Maybe it would be good to befriend him first, see what he's about more through facebook. It might even provide you with some good topics to strike up a conversation eventually. Yes, I'm well aware that aspies aren't always the best with striking up a conversation, but the direct approach often feels a bit weird to people... or so I've found out. If you know more about him, you can at least plan a bit what you want to talk about.

 

Besides; you have a crush on him? But you don't know a lot about him? Do you just have a crush on him because of his looks?

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Ala

I kind of get the impression that if someone likes you and they act strangely around you it immediately creates a barrier and it distorts how they appear to you. You kind of have to have patience to really get to know them.

I wouldn't expect anything will happen because your expectations will give you allot of pressure to perform in front of this person.

There is a chance that he is just as crazy about you.. But real life isn't normally as perfect and ideal as it is in Romeo and Juliet... It's complex.

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greenerthanyou

I wouldn't message him. I was in a similar situation, and the person just thought I was weird and awkward for doing it, never responded and ignored me afterwards.

But, then again, my brother was messaged by a random woman on Facebook, and he thought it was cool and they went on a date. My brother is also really popular, yet incredibly open-minded so his response may be a unique one.

I recommend talking to him in person. You said you don't know him very well, so you have a crush more on your idea of him (as most crushes are like this). Also your only interaction with him went awkwardly, so yes, I recommend having more in person interactions with him, even if you have to wait the summer. It's okay to be single for a bit.

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Nesf

I'm not exactly brilliant at giving relationship advice, but this is what I'd do. Wait until he's online on Facebook, then test the waters. First, think of what you are going to say. Send a message saying something like "Can I talk to you now?" then if he accepts, ask some small talk questions like "what are you doing over the summer" and a bit later (not straight away) ask him if he'd like to meet up for coffee, ask him if he's seen a certain film, and if not, would he fancy going to see it with you?" If he's not interested in talking, he'll probably make some excuse that he's busy or something. Asking someone if they are available to talk is a good non-intrusive way to approach someone.

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Heather

I say.. first add him on facebook if you haven't already... if he accepts, then spend some time looking at his pictures and info on his page to find out what interests he displays to see if there is anything you have in common.  And then maybe if he's online sometime you can casually message him.  But don't be disappointed if he isn't interested because that gives a pretty clear sign he isn't right for you. :P 

 

But I believe friends first is a good way to go anyways so my advice would be keep it light, and start taking to him friendly like..asking about his interests, getting to know what kind of person he is.  From my experience, it is easier to get to know someone online, as long as both parties are being truthful.  My boyfriend and I met online and he messaged me saying 'hi' shortly after and that's how we started talking (now have been talking over 4 1/2 years and dating over 3 1/2 years).  And you two have the opportunity to meet up when you get back to school, if not before, but keep it light and casual at first.. don't rush into things because I think if you rush into something you have more of a chance to get your heart broken because he might not be right for you.  Good luck. :) Let us know how it goes. :)

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PandaPrincess

Thanks for the advice, guys.  Yes, he is already my friend on facebook, and yes, I have looked through his profile a lot (maybe more than I should have, he he  :P )  I already know a lot about his interests based on what he posts.  And I've got to admit, he very much looks like Superman.  One time, when I was getting off the elevator at college, he was waiting to get on, and right as the doors opened, my eyes locked directly on his eyes for a split second, but I got super nervous and looked away instead of saying "hello."  I wish I had just said hello! So I think his eyes are beautiful, and yes, I would say that for right now, I do have a superficial crush on him, and I don't know if I actually like him.  But I would definitely like to find out.  My approach would definitely be to wait until he's online to talk to him, and I'm going to pretend like the awkwardness of before never happened.  And my plan is to say, "hi, how are you?  How's your summer going?"  And I'll probably mention something about school if the conversation goes that far.  If it doesn't, then I won't get too upset about it.  I'm going to work on different projects/activities during the summer, so my mind will at least be partially preoccupied away from horrors and madness of dating.

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PandaPrincess

Yeah.......So I saw him online just now, but I totally chickened out of talking to him.  Maybe another time.............

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Eden

I second what squeeker has expressed, verbatim. Best wishes! 

 

Edited by Eden

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Ben

Go the old fashioned way - wait until he makes eye contact with you, then give him the bedroom eyes just before you smile. Hold the smile for a few seconds, then turn away and continue with what you were doing. You're the female, so be the female and make the Muppet come after you. Act coy, play with your hair a bit, and give him the three second stare occasionally. 

 

I'm as reserved as they come, but if a woman looks at me the right way it entices me over to them. If those looks are followed up with a fun and cheeky personality I'm sold. No need for awkward Facebook messages! Just take your time, and enjoy yourself. 

Edited by Ben

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