Jump to content
thelastrequiem

homoromantic/sexual people and aspergers

Recommended Posts

thelastrequiem

This crossed my mind today and I felt like I should make a thread about it.

 

Anyway, I've noticed that there is very few people with aspergers who are homoromantic/sexual.

 

I don't know why this is, but it seemed kinda interesting to do some research on.

 

Anyone got a clue as to why this is such a rare occurence?

  • Helpful 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Willow

I have a friend who is gay and whilst he's not diagnosed with Aspergers, he does have quite a lot in common with me/my AS symptoms! And I have a female friend with Autism who is also gay.

 

I think that, whilst this is negative (and probably wrong, I'm just throwing the idea out there), those with AS, a lot of the time, crave normality and to be seen as 'normal', and to fit in - and, whilst this shouldn't be the case, being straight is the sexuality most widely accepted as 'normal'. When they look to other people to mimic normality, they see straight people, and the stigma that is still attached to being gay, and so maybe that explains it a little? There are probably a lot of people with AS who are gay but haven't come out because it would be just one more thing to potentially single them out as not 'normal'.

 

I hope that didn't sound offensive. I'm not against gay people, I think it's cruel to judge a person because of who they happen to fall in love with/be attracted to.

  • Helpful 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Toran
I have a friend who is gay and whilst he's not diagnosed with Aspergers, he does have quite a lot in common with me/my AS symptoms! And I have a female friend with Autism who is also gay.

 

I think that, whilst this is negative (and probably wrong, I'm just throwing the idea out there), those with AS, a lot of the time, crave normality and to be seen as 'normal', and to fit in - and, whilst this shouldn't be the case, being straight is the sexuality most widely accepted as 'normal'. When they look to other people to mimic normality, they see straight people, and the stigma that is still attached to being gay, and so maybe that explains it a little? There are probably a lot of people with AS who are gay but haven't come out because it would be just one more thing to potentially single them out as not 'normal'.

 

I hope that didn't sound offensive. I'm not against gay people, I think it's cruel to judge a person because of who they happen to fall in love with/be attracted to.

I'm in agreement with you willow and it's not anti gay its a point of view and a very good one. Every person has their tolerance level and one more stigma as they see it is just one to much. There is so much sensitivity around this subject and prejudice from society that makes being yourself difficult unless you are a very strong individual and if you have AS the challenges alone makes you susceptible to many other discriminations and the limitations of AS makes it more difficult to realise what you are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi

I certainly don't think there is any real reason why it would be rarer for a person with AS/Autism to be homosexual (I'm not entirely sure what you mean by homoromantic?) These people are just the same as anyone else. Perhaps it is that they strive to be 'normal' and, sadly, being heterosexual seems to be the norm in society.

 

However, my view is just that everyone is human and can end up loving whoever - male, female, or whoever. I find it a shame that society shows that heterosexual is most common and seems to lead to a lot of people only allowing themselves this. If people, including people on the spectrum, were more free, you might find a lot more people end up with someone from the same sex. It's just society, I think. That's just my opinion.

 

Personally, for me with my Autism, I struggle with the concept of love and how it is to love someone, even family. I can't imagine myself ever having romantic feelings... at all. But all I know is that I'd never rule out a certain gender, I find that wrong. 

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Andy
I have a friend who is gay and whilst he's not diagnosed with Aspergers, he does have quite a lot in common with me/my AS symptoms! And I have a female friend with Autism who is also gay.

 

I think that, whilst this is negative (and probably wrong, I'm just throwing the idea out there), those with AS, a lot of the time, crave normality and to be seen as 'normal', and to fit in - and, whilst this shouldn't be the case, being straight is the sexuality most widely accepted as 'normal'. When they look to other people to mimic normality, they see straight people, and the stigma that is still attached to being gay, and so maybe that explains it a little? There are probably a lot of people with AS who are gay but haven't come out because it would be just one more thing to potentially single them out as not 'normal'.

 

I hope that didn't sound offensive. I'm not against gay people, I think it's cruel to judge a person because of who they happen to fall in love with/be attracted to.

 

Well said Willow.

 

Stigma a lot of it is for we are very susceptible to other people's attitudes because well with ASD we are disabled and there open to being suggested what is normal and what is not, and Britain is not a progressive country, it is backward in a lot of ways, sexuality is one of those ways as has been displayed adequately with the recent gay marriage furore.

 

I identify as pansexual in that I won't allow society to dictate what my body chemistry wants as I understand the need is to be happy is a burning need and myself being what I am, well at least I now understand me as my belief is humanity's existence is about learning, we are here to learn and we do not learn by allowing man made concepts to limit ourselves for nature/God has made it's own decisions and that indicated by the feelings we experience in all honesty before the societal programming stamps the notion out.

 

But despite being pansexual I am largely asexual through a low and erratic libido - just one of those things that comes with untreated xxy, the result is when I am attracted to someone, it is rarely sexually motivated for there is more to people than sex and so my self imposed definition is more panromantic.

 

You see I believe a great injustice has been committed on humanity, particularly western humanity where we have been forced into two boxes where we must fit or be condemned. I understand that compulsion to force the binary, for it's ancient and it comes from a time where the world's population was small and threatened through diseases modern science has conquered for much of what religious scripture is, is the protection and promotion of society in dangerous times.

 

But now we live in an over populated world where it is believed more live now than has ever died, we are heading for humanitarian disaster and so people still cling to outdated notions designed to promote the growth of the population for that is what adherence to ancient religious scripture is for ancient religious scripture has created many of the homophobic attitudes that exist in society and one can see this when such things hit the news such as gay marriage the vociferous opponents suddenly become religious. But religion has the nasty habit of being used to promote individual bigotry for it can be bent many ways to suit whoever needs to force their opinion where even the LGBT movement is now using the bible to legitimise their existence as there are various passages that can be interpreted to include such.

 

My understanding is that religion caused the attitudes that pervade western society and that because in Asian society, particularly adherence to oldest religion in the world; Hinduism which has been suggested provided the model for many later religions, there are  LGBT deities, other aspects of Sri Shiva that legitimise LGBT, but sadly homophobic attitudes are now starting to creep into India where it has been identified that such attitudes have come directly from the later created Abrahamic religion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi
Stigma a lot of it is for we are very susceptible to other people's attitudes because well with ASD we are disabled and there open to being suggested what is normal and what is not, and Britain is not a progressive country, it is backward in a lot of ways, sexuality is one of those ways as has been displayed adequately with the recent gay marriage furore.

 

I identify as pansexual in that I won't allow society to dictate what my body chemistry wants as I understand the need is to be happy is a burning need and myself being what I am, well at least I now understand me as my belief is humanity's existence is about learning, we are here to learn and we do not learn by allowing man made concepts to limit ourselves for nature/God has made it's own decisions and that indicated by the feelings we experience in all honesty before the societal programming stamps the notion out.

 

But despite being pansexual I am largely asexual through a low and erratic libido - just one of those things that comes with untreated xxy, the result is when I am attracted to someone, it is rarely sexually motivated for there is more to people than sex and so my self imposed definition is more panromantic.

 

You see I believe a great injustice has been committed on humanity, particularly western humanity where we have been forced into two boxes where we must fit or be condemned. I understand that compulsion to force the binary, for it's ancient and it comes from a time where the world's population was small and threatened through diseases modern science has conquered for much of what religious scripture is, is the protection and promotion of society in dangerous times.

 

But now we live in an over populated world where it is believed more live now than has ever died, we are heading for humanitarian disaster and so people still cling to outdated notions designed to promote the growth of the population for that is what adherence to ancient religious scripture is for ancient religious scripture has created many of the homophobic attitudes that exist in society and one can see this when such things hit the news such as gay marriage the vociferous opponents suddenly become religious. But religion has the nasty habit of being used to promote individual bigotry for it can be bent many ways to suit whoever needs to force their opinion where even the LGBT movement is now using the bible to legitimise their existence as there are various passages that can be interpreted to include such.

 

My understanding is that religion caused the attitudes that pervade western society and that because in Asian society, particularly adherence to oldest religion in the world; Hinduism which has been suggested provided the model for many later religions, there are  LGBT deities, other aspects of Sri Shiva that legitimise LGBT, but sadly homophobic attitudes are now starting to creep into India where it has been identified that such attitudes have come directly from the later created Abrahamic religion.

 

Although I agree with you and I feel I am similar to you in these 'pansexual' and 'asexual' descriptions, I still would not put these labels, or any label, on me. I am just human and capable of loving any another human who I would be attracted to, as is every human. Aren't those labels also boxes to fit in as well? That is just the way I see it, and I accept everyone elses' view. 

 

I also agree with what you say about religion. The majority of religion still seem so far back in time in regards to their attitudes to gender and sexuality, even marriage. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Andy
Although I agree with you and I feel I am similar to you in these 'pansexual' and 'asexual' descriptions, I still would not put these labels, or any label, on me. I am just human and capable of loving any another human who I would be attracted to, as is every human. Aren't those labels also boxes to fit in as well? That is just the way I see it, and I accept everyone elses' view. 

 

I also agree with what you say about religion. The majority of religion still seem so far back in time in regards to their attitudes to gender and sexuality, even marriage. 

Labels can be used to help and labels can be used to hinder, what labelling does in my situation is allow me to find others of my mentality where normally I would be blind through having problems with face to face interaction- that old unsaid communication thing again. The result of my self imposed labelling has allowed me to find others through the online world where a label has told others what they need to know so in the offline world the part of communication I struggle with is rendered irrelevant and so my life is not completely devoid of closer human interaction, for a few times a year I meet with others to pick up on my need to learn.

 

The other thing is, I am not scared of others attitudes for I can box many into a hole of their own making by challenging them with verifiable fact, logic and reasoning, where I have discovered the many who do think actually have no issues with my identification, it's the one's that don't think that are the problem for what they are is what they have been told to be by society and in a lot of cases; peer pressure. because they do not have the courage to be true to themselves, yes they might be strong in arm, but for me they lack it where it matters and so they are safe from me. Not that I am a predator, I am not for my xxy genetics makes me passive and so others find me.

 

But something of the homosexual scene I have observed which does not appear to be apparent in the Lesbian scene is that heterosexual females seem not to be threatened by lesbian females where heterosexual males do take exception to homosexual males. I have analysed this to understand women are more secure than men but men do not like other men degrading man's masculinity as is common with many homosexual men they adhere to what heterosexual see as the ideal masculine appearance - muscles and all that neanderthal stuff that has no use in modern society for men are attracted to the athletic, it is male. And then so I hypothesise when I watch men all clamouring to watch the footy on the tv down the pub, what are they seeing for I am sure there is an element of homoeroticism going on and I know because I have challenged one of two as to what they see in footy and they have got all defensive about it when I have asked about the athleticism of the players.

 

Abrahamic religion has through history denigrated and oppressed women and it still does in at least one branch of that belief, but that too will pass in time as to understand that branch of Abrahamic belief is the youngest branch, but it is true many men fear women because they know the power of women for women are in a lot of ways stronger than men, but man looks to ancient scripture to justify his place as the head because of Genesis where man was created first, where I tend to think woman was created second as a modified version of man, perhaps a mark two human, an improved version and this I see as in the female form it's more protected where in the male form despite it's large frame and muscles it has one life changing vulnerability and so ponder was this a cruel joke or a device to let man know it is not as powerful as it thinks it is and if the latter no wonder man made laws to make itself powerful over women.

 

History, the problem with history, the problem with this world as derived from history is men.

 

And so of the binaries, I prefer the leadership of women and defer to the wisdom of the female gender as it is in my experience is one of the things I do which is not considered a male thing to do, the oppression and exclusion I have experienced in what is considered a female pursuit has all come from men not women and men not involved in that pursuit and I know why; men are fearful of themselves and so project themselves onto other men and if they are in a position of power, seek to protect women from what they are themselves projected onto others that are not themselves.

 

But I didn't like Thatcher, for she tried to be a male to fit in to a male society.

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
iggy

I couldn't care less about people's sexuality. The only thing that bothers me is people who lie and conceal their sexuality because they are to afraid to tell the truth. That probably sounds incredibly judgemental, but I have a very close family friend (basically my aunt) who was married to a "normal" man (whatever that is). Anyway, 5years later and a child later, it turns out he's been having an affair with another man, and never loved her and married just to seem normal to his mother who is judgemental about these things.

I can understand why someone would conceal this in fear of rejection, but it does much more harm than good in the long run.

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Toran

Margaret Thatcher was the best example of how not to do anything all she did was rotten.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
HalfFull

Statistically 1 in 25 people claim to be homosexual and 1 in 25 bi-sexual. In my experience of AS Sites about the same rate of regular users have made the same claim. As some users will be keeping it to themselves on AS sites it may be higher for Aspies but then not everyone will be in a position to state themselves as homosexual or bisexual on a census form as they may hiding it from someone eg a parent, so it might balance out. Either way, I honestly don't think theres much difference in it though given certain similarities I can see how there might be a slightly higher rate for Aspies, but who knows?

 

 At Uni, one of my housemates did a media project where she was trying to prove that every single human is bisexual but that the vast majority of us have been conditioned to think that we are not. I certainly thought that this was a fascinating concept but despite this opening my mind to the idea that in different life circumstances we might be able to have 'encounters' with the gender opposite to the one we are usually attracted to, I can honestly say that I have never felt any attraction to anyone other than a female, but I accept and respect each persons own personal preferences be it through birth or choice.

  • Helpful 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mary

The only time I have any issues with anyone is when they try and force themselves on someone else, be that male or female.  I have had some problems in the past whereby I've been harrassed by both men and women, and to be quite honest, I was more comfortable (if that can even be said) with the harrassment from the men because it was less stigmatised.

 

This might sound strange, but let me explain... One instance whereby I was being harrassed by a woman was in an office I worked in along with a lot of other women and very few men.  I was a temporary employee and basically found out from month to month if my contract would be renewed through an agency.  I befriended a couple of people there, one in particular, and she would often drive me into work, or back home as we lived nearby.  We were both probably outsiders in the whole group but that didn't bother us.  Anyway, there was another woman, who was obviously lesbian and that didn't bother me.  She wasn't particularly friendly with anyone but would sometimes sit and talk with me and this other girl at lunch.  All good and well.

 

Then it appears she took a shine to me and started bothering me all the time.  On lunch, then when I'd be at the counter trying to speak to students etc.  Then she started walking by my desk and touching my arm, but more of a lingering touch that I really didn't find comfortable considering she was a work colleague.  She'd often run her hand up and down my arm while talking to me and it got to the point where I had to say something.  I was very polite and non judgmental, and just said that I really wasn't comfortable with what she was doing.  She took exception to this and went to the boss.  I was then hauled into the office and told in no uncertain terms that I had to stop discriminating against her and take back what I had said.  As you can imagine I hit the roof and said that none of it was down to me, but I was not listened to and was made out to be the problem.

 

So, I guess in short, I feel that everyone has the right to be whoever they want to be or feel they are, but they have no right in trying to force that on someone else.  Then, and only then, do I have a problem with it. (that includes those that abuse others, but that's a bit of a different story!)

 

I can without doubt say that I am only attracted to men, but that's not to say I can't think that women are attractive or beautiful.  I do have odd taste sometimes though with people I know thinking I've got some issues at times ;) 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi
The only time I have any issues with anyone is when they try and force themselves on someone else, be that male or female.  I have had some problems in the past whereby I've been harrassed by both men and women, and to be quite honest, I was more comfortable (if that can even be said) with the harrassment from the men because it was less stigmatised.

 

This might sound strange, but let me explain... One instance whereby I was being harrassed by a woman was in an office I worked in along with a lot of other women and very few men.  I was a temporary employee and basically found out from month to month if my contract would be renewed through an agency.  I befriended a couple of people there, one in particular, and she would often drive me into work, or back home as we lived nearby.  We were both probably outsiders in the whole group but that didn't bother us.  Anyway, there was another woman, who was obviously lesbian and that didn't bother me.  She wasn't particularly friendly with anyone but would sometimes sit and talk with me and this other girl at lunch.  All good and well.

 

Then it appears she took a shine to me and started bothering me all the time.  On lunch, then when I'd be at the counter trying to speak to students etc.  Then she started walking by my desk and touching my arm, but more of a lingering touch that I really didn't find comfortable considering she was a work colleague.  She'd often run her hand up and down my arm while talking to me and it got to the point where I had to say something.  I was very polite and non judgmental, and just said that I really wasn't comfortable with what she was doing.  She took exception to this and went to the boss.  I was then hauled into the office and told in no uncertain terms that I had to stop discriminating against her and take back what I had said.  As you can imagine I hit the roof and said that none of it was down to me, but I was not listened to and was made out to be the problem.

 

So, I guess in short, I feel that everyone has the right to be whoever they want to be or feel they are, but they have no right in trying to force that on someone else.  Then, and only then, do I have a problem with it. (that includes those that abuse others, but that's a bit of a different story!)

 

I can without doubt say that I am only attracted to men, but that's not to say I can't think that women are attractive or beautiful.  I do have odd taste sometimes though with people I know thinking I've got some issues at times ;)

 

I'm sorry you had to experience something like that. And, as you say, that sort of behaviour would be inappropriate from a male or a female. It's kind of bad if that woman thought she could get away with treating you like that just because she defined herself as a lesbian and in society, that sort of behaviour is less expected from females?! That is what annoys me as well - there should be no difference. I just think genders should be equal.

 

For me, I'm not going to rule out either gender. And up til now in my life, I've not exactly been attracted to anyone. I can't imagine myself being attracted to anyone, which is a bit weird. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Toran

Thats a very open minded view sofi made me think about that one in truth. Should you reject what a person is because of the body still the same person inside afterall isn't it that you like respect or love. In the spirit world we dont have a sex reincarnation can be male or female so your rejecting the being not the person. A very good thought to ponder thanks sofi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Andy

The thing is Oakers, there are predators and there are prey, tradition is women are prey and men are predators, it is why men get so much bad press because minorities spoil for the majority and so especially males make it worse for other males not only in their actions, but is other actions like creating authority to stamp on males even before they do anything which they might not as to wonder why is it there is a minister for women in government and not one for men for that is not equality, that the reverse of the past

 

But women being prey, it is as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouth, women can get away with a lot men can't and it was a one point I was married and the relationship was abusive with a lot of violence, but one particular evening we were at it and the police were called by the neighbours, in came the police and when they discovered it was my ex that was dishing out the violence, they turned and left, whereas if it was the other way around I would have been arrested and my ex given all the support in the world because it is not thought that women are violent to their husbands.

 

Then there is something else; minorities and the power that certain minorities have and that includes sexual minorities as in the homosexual especially the vocal homosexual, the activist, that lets everyone know their tastes and they do such because they are not prepared to be discriminated because of it and such people will act if they are rebuffed as to them being rebuffed is hurtful to them and they have to get even. Where people such as bosses don't want to get involved in minority actions through that word discrimination will come up and it is quite possible this women actually mentioned that feared word as there are many manipulative people around who know how pull other's strings to get what they want.

 

As it is I despite being what I identify as I do not get involved with LGBT activities through the belief everyone else doesn't need it, and I am talking about the non LGBT here for I understand one thing, keep pushing this stuff in other peoples faces and it stands to cause more problems than it heals for most are not bothered about other peoples sexualities if they are not in their face. And something else from LGBT forums I use I understand this recent government stuff regarding gay marriage has caused a lot of harm where LGBT people are reporting a rise in antipathy towards them where perhaps it was not before and as it was consensus was no one wanted to get married in a church anyway given the churches attitude towards LGBT, so the understanding is given the rise in antipathy, was this the actual aim of the conservative party who are known to be anti homosexual through being largely traditionalist.As to face it what were they trying to achieve; 1% of the vote ?

 

But the workplace is not a place for petting, I have been subjected to it and I have been uncomfortable with it and I have gone to my employer and laid it on the line, I don't come to work to be hit on, I come to work to work and I don't need my attention to be diverted by what should not be in the workplace. My boss said to me was I gay, so I blasted him there and then saying in such a response am I to understand he is okay with his time, that is time he is paying for being wasted by workers not working and no I am not gay but I am married and I don't need the diversion.

 

But the marriage was not happy because of me, I accept that now for I was not with the plan, I knew that, but I was desperately trying to make it work to somehow get with the plan which was futile given what I know now and I am sorry for what I put my ex through but I didn't know about me back then for I had family and societal expectation to live up to.

 

But predators and prey, despite being male looking, I am not a predator, I am prey, so imagine the confusion regards that, both external and internal.

 

But here's a thing for you all, because I engage in homosexual relations through being pansexual when that is I can generate the energy which is not often and bearing in mind because I identify as inter sex through being an xxy male of which some describe as natural transgender, are those homosexual relations in fact homosexual?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
specialstar

I am gay, and although i am gay i do however feel like i am male inside me thats obviously why my brain thinks like a male brain

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Arthur
I'm sorry you had to experience something like that. And, as you say, that sort of behaviour would be inappropriate from a male or a female. It's kind of bad if that woman thought she could get away with treating you like that just because she defined herself as a lesbian and in society, that sort of behaviour is less expected from females?! That is what annoys me as well - there should be no difference. I just think genders should be equal.

 

For me, I'm not going to rule out either gender. And up til now in my life, I've not exactly been attracted to anyone. I can't imagine myself being attracted to anyone, which is a bit weird. 

No it's not weird at all, me I have not been attracted to anyone. But i know i'm not gay as I been on some naughty things on the web XD.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Arthur
I am gay, and although i am gay i do however feel like i am male inside me thats obviously why my brain thinks like a male brain

That's awesome how open you are to admit this. Iv'e got couple of gay friends there is nothing wrong with them, pisses me of how society tells us it's wrong to gay or lesbian.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mary
The thing is Oakers, there are predators and there are prey, tradition is women are prey and men are predators, it is why men get so much bad press because minorities spoil for the majority and so especially males make it worse for other males not only in their actions, but is other actions like creating authority to stamp on males even before they do anything which they might not as to wonder why is it there is a minister for women in government and not one for men for that is not equality, that the reverse of the past

 

But here's a thing for you all, because I engage in homosexual relations through being pansexual when that is I can generate the energy which is not often and bearing in mind because I identify as inter sex through being an xxy male of which some describe as natural transgender, are those homosexual relations in fact homosexual?

 

 

I get what you are saying Andy and mostly they will play the 'prey' card won't they, women that is.  You don't often see men being seen as 'prey' and it's probably down to stereotypes that most people probably wouldn't consider that a woman could actually be the 'predator' as history has shown it to be the other way round in many cases.

 

I don't consider myself as 'prey' but I don't like it when people try to force themselves upon me.  I certainly didn't like her showering attention on me and it made me very uncomfortable.  To be told what I was by the boss was even more frustrating though as I had no way out of the situation in many ways, as cause too much of an issue and I'd have been out of a job, and of course a woman wouldn't be doing that to me!

 

I also had some issues when I worked at the airport and at a secure hospital... I felt like I was unfairly targeted and would get pulled for security checks ALL the time, and even though I wore short sleeves ALL the time the women would always run their hands right down to my hands and wrists, and at times my feet :/ 

 

This would probably be somewhat uncomfortable for most people but given the fact I hate people touching me in any way unless I want them to, well, no fun at all :(

 

 

With regard to what you are asking if a neutral gender such as intersex having relations with a man, or a woman, is homosexual I would say not.  Some might say it is homosexual if the person looks like a man and then has a relationship with a man, but then how would they feel if the woman, who no doubt felt pretty much like the intersex man, had relations with a man joe public would see nothing strange about that.  If someone is in fact a neutral gender then nothing could be seen as homosexual in my opinion.

 

Another consideration is transgender.  I often wonder why it is that transgender males who change to female then go on to have relationships with other transgender males to females, and vice versa.  Is it because they can relate to the transgender m to f because they have experienced the same things?  I'm not sure. 

 

I was reading the other day about a lady who's husband had gone m to f after her having children whilst male.  She then stayed with him and said that it was the person inside that she'd fallen in love with so nothing had really changed.  I guess in many ways I can see that and I have often held that opinion.

 

I have seen where transgender people have lost everything once having their operation and I've never understood why the people in their lives react to badly - surely the people are the same in terms of inner soul and being.  The only thing they've changed is their physical being - with that it may bring them more confidence etc because they've physically become what they've always felt they were but they are, for all intents and purposes, the same person.

 

In a nutshell I don't care how the person comes packaged, if they are nice person they are a nice person, if they're not so nice, nothing to do with their gender and how they associate with it is going to change that.

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi
No it's not weird at all, me I have not been attracted to anyone. But i know i'm not gay as I been on some naughty things on the web XD.

 

lol, Okay Arthur! Still don't rule any gender out I think. You never know what your life holds. lol 

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Toran
lol, Okay Arthur! Still don't rule any gender out I think. You never know what your life holds. lol 

That's very true you never know what life has in store for us it's always good to be open minded.

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Andy
That's awesome how open you are to admit this. Iv'e got couple of gay friends there is nothing wrong with them, pisses me of how society tells us it's wrong to gay or lesbian.

For the answer to that look into that great age old political tool ; Religion, because to think about it, if man is indeed made in God's image then God intended for homosexuality to exist because homosexuals are also humans and so made in God's image and the saying goes, one cannot go against the word of God if it is what we have been told is the actual word of God ?

 

Where I am inclined to believe the true word of god is in the heart not any holy handbook written by man.

 

Another consideration is transgender.  I often wonder why it is that transgender males who change to female then go on to have relationships with other transgender males to females, and vice versa.  Is it because they can relate to the transgender m to f because they have experienced the same things?  I'm not sure. 

It is similar to what you say and it is more, in that with many they have different thinking, perhaps different cognitive wiring than what is considered normal, where perhaps those of us who have been diagnosed with an ASD can sympathise because it is believed those with ASD also have different wiring from the neuro typical.

I was reading the other day about a lady who's husband had gone m to f after her having children whilst male.  She then stayed with him and said that it was the person inside that she'd fallen in love with so nothing had really changed.  I guess in many ways I can see that and I have often held that opinion.

 

I have seen where transgender people have lost everything once having their operation and I've never understood why the people in their lives react to badly - surely the people are the same in terms of inner soul and being.  The only thing they've changed is their physical being - with that it may bring them more confidence etc because they've physically become what they've always felt they were but they are, for all intents and purposes, the same person.

 

To be able to seek surgery to change what you have always been used to, to remove a part or parts of oneself to become something else with all that comes after takes a certain kind of bravery that many will never understand. As to what comes after I am referring to societal perception where a trans person never quite really fits in to what they have become in terms of others, because in both genders there are the prejudiced and something else an outward change is not a complete change in that male to female a transwomen will never experience ovulation and what comes with that and so cannot relate when conversation turns that way.

 

But it's not just the biological for surgery can create complications that needs constant attention as I have been told by an ex special forces soldier who in later life became female, the surgery to create a vagina did not go exactly to plan and so she now has a daily procedure to combat skin attempting to join  and the inevitable path for infection which does affect the mind along with that not quite fitting in aspect due to internal biological differences, the result being a lot of trans people are not as happy as perhaps they might be thought to be, where depressive illness is common.

 

With myself I will admit it, internal changes are making me think in directions at one time woud never have crossed my mind and it is scary to be catch oneself thinking that way but with the internal changes that are naturally happening my inclination is to not seek HRT medication and just let nature take it's course so see what God/nature has in store for me. The only problem with this is bad old society again and it's ever challenging, often judgemental perception, where I do know of some of what I am who have also elected not to be treated to keep them male actually have female breasts, but they are beautiful people, gentle, caring and a pleasure to be around, oh and perfectly happy with who and what they are.

In a nutshell I don't care how the person comes packaged, if they are nice person they are a nice person, if they're not so nice, nothing to do with their gender and how they associate with it is going to change that.

Advanced thinking !!!

 

That's very true you never know what life has in store for us it's always good to be open minded.

To be open minded is the future, for the past is full of much we are not best pleased with and so by that token we should remember the filth of the past so we may not be same in the future.

 

Despite being a believer in God I hold religion responsible for much that we have become and I do believe Jesus's mission was to steer us away from this dangerous political tool that weak minds misuse with impunity.

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mary

Andy, you are right... in being described as being wired differently ourselves, we should really be able to sympathise with those who are described as being wired differently as well.  In fact, we should be able to understand much of what they go through in terms of being treated differently for, well, being different.  We are all subject to judgement which doesn't always get levelled at those who are described as being normal or neurotypical in our case.

 

I cannot even being to imagine how much heart and bravery it takes to be able to go through with surgery like that, for the fear that if something goes wrong there is, unfortunately, no going back.  It's not like a breast enlargement that can be fixed or taken out... once you take that step you have gone into the unknown and must be ultimately a very scary and obviously life changing experience.

 

Maybe it is that they feel more understood by those who have gone through such changes and surgery themselves, and therefore mix in circles of such people, for there is so much negativity surrounding anyone who is even slightly different, so they must not even be able to comprehend the (do excuse this) shit they come up against.

 

I have often watched documentaries on such things and always found them to be such a valuable learning experience and it makes me extremely grateful that I am happy (in some sense) in the shell I am in... for I believe that I am in the right shell and not somehow forced into one that wasn't for me.  That said I wouldn't mind if my shell was a little more toned and pain free ;)

 

I do wonder, if besides the pain of the surgery and the almost barbaric things trans women have to do to themselves to help themselves heal, the emotional torture must be somewhat horrific, especially if by following their heart they lose all of those around them.  I think it particularly cruel when women who must have loved their husband / partner at some point then forcibly tear their children away from them because they go through such surgery, and vice versa if it was a mother going through the surgery.  I guess I've always just been very open minded in such things and I feel it is very different to someone who is homosexual and knows it, and pretends to be something they are not and having the 'perfect' family because that is what is deemed to be 'right'... just as an example.  I also find it hard to believe that parents who loved their child as they were, either male or female, would disconnect themselves completely from their lives because they choose to have another shell so to speak.  For they are still essentially the same person they loved and cared for... granted I guess it must be hard to accept for some.

 

Gosh, I'm getting very brave posting my thoughts for all to see aren't I!?!

 

Being open minded is definitely the way forward, but I can see how this is difficult for some given the way they are either brought up or made to see society.  I truly believe that people should be able to decide how they see the world themselves but there is no doubt that there is much bias that they are up against, and no one is truly a blank canvas by the time they can think for themselves, as obviously they have been directed by those who are offering parental, familial and learning guidance in their formative years.

 

Ok, I'll stop typing for a bit ;)

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nesf
This crossed my mind today and I felt like I should make a thread about it.

 

Anyway, I've noticed that there is very few people with aspergers who are homoromantic/sexual.

 

I don't know why this is, but it seemed kinda interesting to do some research on.

 

Anyone got a clue as to why this is such a rare occurence?

I'm not homosexual but I've had others think I am because I'm not very feminine in appearance and habits. I once told a friend with PDD-NOS that I was a tomboy, and his next question was whether I took testosterone, and when I asked him why he had said that, he said that he knows a girl with AS who is homosexual and she thinks that all women on the sprectrum are homosexual. I told him that this was certainly not the case and that you should never make assumptions about a person's sexuality based on their appearance.

 

It's said that there is a correlation between the length of your index finger in relation to your ring finger - in women they are of equal length, and in men the ring finger is slightly longer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digit_ratio and my ring finger is very slightly longer, so I think there is correlation between male and female brain but not necessarily sexuality.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thelastrequiem

I always felt sorry for people who were homosexual and had to hide it from their family/friends, but then I realised that was exactly what I did up until last year.

Falling into the heteronormative trap was the worst thing I've ever done in my life.

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mike_GX101
This crossed my mind today and I felt like I should make a thread about it.

 

Anyway, I've noticed that there is very few people with aspergers who are homoromantic/sexual.

 

I don't know why this is, but it seemed kinda interesting to do some research on.

 

Anyone got a clue as to why this is such a rare occurence?

It has only just in the last month or so crossed your mind?  Where have you been my friend?!?

 

The real trouble it seems is not in that there are very few people but rather that the status-quo is rather skewed away from the diversity of real human life and human relationships.  It is skewed at an angle which seems to suggest all those on the spectrum can never be sexual and woe betide them and their partners if they ever dare to be too!!

 

But we maybe all know those on the spectrum who have not only done this but have gone on to marry and who have had kids.  So they are beyond all of that now although obviously at some point in the past they must have been sexual.  But it seems the whole ASD community is in denial over such things and because a whole lot of prejudice many are simply too terrified to mention it.  What you have to ask yourself is why has this skewed perspective been allowed to prosper unchallenged for so long? 

 

I like your questioning Crow and would be very interested to hear of any research you may have found too.  We need to keep on asking questions like these because a debate on such issues is long over due.

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.