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specialstar

Where I live issues with a staff member

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Andy
Now I am crying because u think im using it as an excuse, i am simply trying to fact out i use it to cope with my anxiety not to annoy others.

No I am offering a different perspective because you came across as being scolded by big bad support worker because you are autistic, where others here have responded against the support worker and now you say you are crying because of what I said, why do you say you are crying because of what others said online ?

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specialstar
No I am offering a different perspective because you came across as being scolded by big bad support worker because you are autistic, where others here have responded against the support worker and now you say you are crying because of what I said, why do you say you are crying because of what others said online ?

 

because i am literally crying now. You made me cry because u saying im using it as an excuse, but its actually a way to cope with my anxiety. Im not continuing with this now. I wish said nothing 

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Willow

I can understand why you're upset, but I think Andy was just trying to offer you a possible explanation of why you might have got 'told off' by your support worker in the first place - which is important. You do need to try and understand things from other people's point of view, so that you can learn and grow as a person. Autism is a difficultly, and whilst your support workers understand that, they are only human, and just as you would get upset with something and speak your mind, they can do the same thing on occasion, for reasons you may never know - but you must still try to understand.

 

As Andy was saying, if they had asked you to stop fiddling with something already, then it's more understandable why they 'snapped' (everyone snaps from time to time). They may have been more comfortable for you to fiddle with something else? 

 

What Andy has said can be taken the wrong way, I agree, but I can see he meant no harm by his comment, he was just challenging you and trying to show you another perspective. The way you've phrased things has looked a little like you were saying you use the Autism as an excuse, which I know may not be true, but you phrased it like you do :P

 

Plus, saying that they should respect you isn't entirely true, they are they to care for you and you should respect them for that, not the other way around :) They do you a great service by being around to help you when you need it - but you have to understand that they've dedicated their life to doing that and it's a difficult job to do, and to do well 24/7. Everyone loses their temper, and unfortunately, working where they do, on occasion, that will end up being directed at someone in their care.

 

Try to remember to ask in future what you should have done instead, so that you know for next time. Also remember than depending on their tone, childish isn't always a negative thing to call someone.

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specialstar

but my fiddling is because of my anxiety willow which is related to my autism. im obviously not allowed to fiddle to cope with my anxiety

 

She has never respected me, this worker im speaking truth.

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Andy
because i am literally crying now. You made me cry because u saying im using it as an excuse, but its actually a way to cope with my anxiety. Im not continuing with this now. I wish said nothing 

I appreciate you do as you do to cope with your anxiety, we all have similarities in that respect, what we do when we are anxious, but I repeat, you came across to me as attempting to denigrate the support worker for being told off for messing with their drawer not your own in your room. But by messing with their drawer, you are in their domain not your own and so you must be perhaps show some respect to others and their property and try not to do as you would as if it was your own because people, others can be protective of what is theirs in their own environment.

 

Now you know you fiddle when you are anxious, perhaps for the sake of others in not annoying them you can choose not to fiddle, for it can be done and it comes under the heading of learning to be better.

 

But if you don't want people to comment in different ways to what you were perhaps expecting, then the solution to that is simple, don't write online.

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Willow
but my fiddling is because of my anxiety willow which is related to my autism. im obviously not allowed to fiddle to cope with my anxiety

 

She has never respected me, this worker im speaking truth.

As I said though, she's not their to respect you, she's there to care for you. And if you were fiddling with her things, she does have the right to tell you to stop. You wouldn't like it if she came into your room and started fiddling with your dolphin collection. It's the same. Some things are true for people that aren't on the spectrum, as they are for people who are on the spectrum. You have to respect her right to tell you what's right and wrong - and touching other peoples belongings when they don't want you to is wrong.

I understand you fiddle when your anxious, but you need to fiddle with something that either belongs to you, or someone has told you you're allowed to touch.

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Toran

I try to live my life trusting and accuse nobody of anything but have to except what is said and not make an assumption on what somebody in a position of trust does or says as right by the authority of the position. Since the scandal broke about the abuse at that care home I didn't take notice of this to my shame. I won't judge or make an opinion but it's particularly difficult to assess in person besides an on line discussion. You have to make an individual assessment on the case in question here, I'm not making a reference to the discussion here as being told off for fiddling in this case. What I mean is that if somebody said who had challenging traits spoke up with a concern who was in a care home it's vital that it's investigated how small or large the complaint. It's not about believing the residents over the careers or the other way round. I think any logical career would understand this way of thinking, I point the supicion at myself first because until that candles broke I would have been inclined to believe whatever the career said and that the resident was was msguided shall I say.

But now I think it has to be taken with a lot more vidulence as there isn't much that drives me into a terrific rage but the disclosure that they were dragging disabled people along the floor and stamping on them is infuriateing. This doesn't mean you have to link all care workers together because of one incident nor can you disregard totally what is said by somebody who had a diagnosis by their health issue. If we do we end up with the situation in that care home and nobody wants that.

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specialstar
I appreciate you do as you do to cope with your anxiety, we all have similarities in that respect, what we do when we are anxious, but I repeat, you came across to me as attempting to denigrate the support worker for being told off for messing with their drawer not your own in your room. But by messing with their drawer, you are in their domain not your own and so you must be perhaps show some respect to others and their property and try not to do as you would as if it was your own because people, others can be protective of what is theirs in their own environment.

 

Now you know you fiddle when you are anxious, perhaps for the sake of others in not annoying them you can choose not to fiddle, for it can be done and it comes under the heading of learning to be better.

 

But if you don't want people to comment in different ways to what you were perhaps expecting, then the solution to that is simple, don't write online.

 

Am allowed to fiddle with the drawers, she is not our proper support worker. What i mean is she is only temporary because we havent got another new one yet. But all the other support workers and manager has no problem with me doing it. they understand me. But this lady doesnt. Your using language i cannot understand, like denigrate. dont even understand that. I sorry, my typing is not great. Maybe why i have problems with my english because i am not at an GCSE level in english and feel im not good. I may have some dyslexia but do have learning disability

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Willow
Am allowed to fiddle with the drawers, she is not our proper support worker. What i mean is she is only temporary because we havent got another new one yet. But all the other support workers and manager has no problem with me doing it. they understand me. But this lady doesnt. Your using language i cannot understand, like denigrate. dont even understand that. I sorry, my typing is not great. Maybe why i have problems with my english because i am not at an GCSE level in english and feel im not good. I may have some dyslexia but do have learning disability

Well it's even more reasonable to understand why she wasn't happy with it then, you can't expect her to know something like that is usually acceptable, when she is only working there temporarily.

I do think Andy is right in saying that you can't just expect respect because you have Autism, respect is earned and in the case of your support workers, deserved by people who do a good job to help others.

 

I don't expect respect because I have Aspergers, but I have gone some way to earning it because of this forum and the videos I do, but I would never expect anybody to respect me from the off. Be nice, yes, because everyone should endeavor to be nice to people.

 

You cannot start a topic on the internet like this without getting people's opinions in return - you have got various opinions, and unfortunately for Andy, his is the only one you've taken offence to, but you have misunderstood his intention. If you don't like his posts then I suggest you block him, but there's nothing I can do because he hasn't done anything wrong.

As for the original issue, I think you've overreacted a little bit and if it is bothering you so much you need to speak with the lady who said it to you and try and understand her point of view.

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Toran

What your saying willow is right respect is something that is earned in relation to individual achievements and understanding of personal traits. Then there is the respect an individual should have as a human being and treated in accordance with their needs not on what they are able to do or understand. If this temporary career is in the residence then they should be aware of what is relevant of each individual person they should be told of this before coming on duty. As you know there are many levels of AS and emotional problems that go alongside of this. Your right in the context but if the person concerned doesn't understand or is limited by there syndrome it is very difficult for them to do what some of us see as normal. This is also apart of their care and causing emotional confusion will make them retract from social interaction because of it. Those who care should be aware of this, if you remember I said I got to a point in my life where I had to make a choice it was because people didn't understand criticised me made me feel worthless and unloved. I considered suicide I felt I had no future and nobody cared but I chose to fight for myself and anyone else I could who was unable to do so for themselves. Gradually I got my life back and for someone with aspergers to help others in certain situations is very difficult but it's doing that for them that keeps me focused and a reason to do what I do. When you have felt so low that you dont care if you live or not it changes you but I survived that and know it starts off as frustration but left to keep facing that alone I know how low you can get. Living with people or having careers if they can't listen or understand you still feel alone and I dont want anyone feeling they are alone even if it takes months to get people to understand a basic thing it's everyone's duty to do so.

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