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specialstar

Where I live issues with a staff member

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Willow

I understand what you're saying but to inform a new carer of everything would be a difficult job in itself and perhaps they didn't think to include the fact that Kirsty fiddles with the carers drawer was something they forgot to mention. Mistakes happen and I think at the core of it that's what this whole situation was. Yes Kirsty deserves respect on the level that all humans do, of course - but what she needs also is to be cared for and helped to understand right and wrong and why people react in certain ways - and touching someone else's things when they don't want you to is wrong, which is why this lady might have reacted the way she did - granted if she called Kirsty childish then she went the wrong way about doing it but the principal is the same.

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Toran

There's so many perceptions and each one can be right from the perspective of those concerned. It's frustrating at the best of times and I know that people do their best thinking they are doing the right thing. Maybe I'm looking for utopia which is here on earth because it is what we make it afterall. Maybe I expect too much from people I'm being told that all the time.

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Andy

Respect, everyone is entitled to a basic level of respect, it comes with being civilised but any other respect that is due is only due to those those that earn it and I have to say my respect goes out to the caring professions because they care, not just that they are paid to care, for one has to wonder why someone seeks to be paid to care, that is think of others. And although they may not be on top form all the time because hey, they are only human and so subject to many external irritations, we must understand caring professions are under more and more pressure all the time. As if anyone hasn't noticed the caring professions are subject to vicious cost cutting exercises and a lot of negative press because of minorities who in reality don't care beyond their ability to hurt others supposedly in their care for sadly such people exist and they are drawn to other professions as well, anywhere were they have authority over others.

 

Now I was not always so supportive of the caring professions as many will know from what I have posted on this forum I had an issue for twenty years where I got the distinct impression I was being fobbed off as no one was listening. They weren't listening until I was forced to research and  self diagnose to be found correct and everything that I had reported to be not acted on over the years are all part of the same thing. The result is all of a sudden the care professions have become caring, now it might be the diagnosis because it's rare but it also might be embarrassment because the highly trained and highly paid professionals were found to be so inept. But it might be something else and I am inclined to believe it is most likely that, the fact that as I have communicational problems and a do as you are told passive personality it is highly likely I did not communicate my issues effectively enough for the caring professions to understand, because of what makes sense to me doesn't always with others and in the past I had failed to grasp that issue, but the AS diagnosis made me focus on something that had thus that far eluded me - communication because I had always just got by.

 

But how I got through to them is in this form, writing, where I excel for the way I am online I am vastly different off line in terms of communication, where because of my difficulties I don't say a great deal and in the case of medics it is on a question and answer basis, where they have to initiate any form of conversation. And so now when I come into contact with medics, I have thought about what I wish to say before hand and have written it down and I hand this document to them so they know and may question from there if they so wish. Two GP's so far like my approach, because it works, but I didn't always do this, this is a recent idea and so far it's working and working well, I am last receiving the help I need.

 

And so my attitude has changed towards the medical profession where instead of being derisory and negative I am in support of them because they do care, I feel that and as it was I had surgery on Monday afternoon at the hospital and I cannot fault anything they did they were exemplary and the nurses so caring, one had to ask why I had tears was I in pain and I said no, I am just touched by the kindness I was being shown and these are often the much denigrated under pressure bog standard nurses in hospitals.

 

But I also understand something else, one expects bad service that is what one gets, but if one adopts a more positive open mind one might be very surprised by what they receive.

 

But everything human, is communication, achieve communication and so much can be positively gained, that being, if you don't understand, ask don't assume as there is much truth in the saying;

 

 Assumption is the mother of all disasters.

 

Achieve understanding via effective communication and so much changes you will be surprised.

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Boobookittyfrag

I believe in learning from mistakes and making changes to myself in order to grow and get respect for those achievements. Like stopping myself from stimming in public (i hand flap and hum).

 

I also believe that care workers need to show respect to those they are caring for.  They are only human, and it's natural that sometimes if they get annoyed they will snap. We can't be rational all of the time.

 

So while I feel that specialstar may need to work on her fiddling, I also think that the care worker was acting unprofessional.

 

I also feel that specialstar may need support for working on what is causing her anxiety.

 

More importantly I think that instead of rounding on specialstar, perhaps a more tactful response might be in order? She's obviously in some distress, and while not mollycoddling her or making excuses for negative behaviour, she might have just needed to vent and get some support from people she thought was on her side.

 

It's fine being a realist and all that, but when it calls for it and in the right way.

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Toran

Well said and explained Andy well done friend

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Andy
I believe in learning from mistakes and making changes to myself in order to grow and get respect for those achievements. Like stopping myself from stimming in public (i hand flap and hum).

 

I also believe that care workers need to show respect to those they are caring for.  They are only human, and it's natural that sometimes if they get annoyed they will snap. We can't be rational all of the time.

 

So while I feel that specialstar may need to work on her fiddling, I also think that the care worker was acting unprofessional.

 

I also feel that specialstar may need support for working on what is causing her anxiety.

 

More importantly I think that instead of rounding on specialstar, perhaps a more tactful response might be in order? She's obviously in some distress, and while not mollycoddling her or making excuses for negative behaviour, she might have just needed to vent and get some support from people she thought was on her side.

 

It's fine being a realist and all that, but when it calls for it and in the right way.

The only person that has as you say rounded  on Specialstar is me and it's not rounding, it is a different perspective based upon what I read and understood and I do believe I was being tactful in my response. But if one is not prepared to accept what people may say then why seek to add further insult to injury by posting on an internet forum, especially a forum full of aspies who are legend for having different perspectives.

 

What has come later on this issue was spawned by this issue, where some are not talking about the OP per se but the issues that are at play in this instance.

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mary
I have been told off today by a support worker who don't now well and hate for being autistic. Basically I was playing with there stationary drawer as usual that's what my autism tend to do but she told me off saying I'm not a child. I can't help fiddling that' my autism. So basically not allowed to be myself

 

Ok, to start with why would anyone 'hate' you or you 'hate' them?  It's unclear to me as to who is supposed to be hating who though, it has to be said.

 

Secondly, if it's their stationery then they have every right to be annoyed, especially if you have taken it from their drawer. 

 

Thirdly, you can't blame your autism for why you fiddle.

 

If you want respect from people, you have to earn it, like others have said.  That could mean that you stop taking stationery out of the drawer of people who are meant to be caring for you.  At the end of the day you are in their charge and they are trying to make sure nothing happens to you, not particularly have you sat with them fiddling with their stationery, as it is in this case.

 

Granted, it must be nice for you to have a more familiar relationship with the people who are supporting you, but just because this temporary worker doesn't know you well doesn't mean they 'hate' you or deserve for you to 'hate' them either.  It must be a very stressful job, and like Willow said, they've no doubt dedicated their lives to their work.

 

By blaming your autism for why you are doing things you aren't taking responsibility for yourself, which is an important part of being an adult, and could in turn be why they called you childish.  Did you say anything back to them when they asked you to stop fiddling?  Did you blame your autism when you spoke with them, truthfully?  That may be a key factor in why they said what they said.

 

I was in a meeting the other day and the psychologist didn't like something that had happened.  However, I feel like I was being a little set up... esp as I don't look people in the eye so well, esp those I don't trust, and I have figured, therefore I don't always know when they have finished speaking.  That aside, I feel that they were deliberately pausing and then talking when I started, on top of that.  When I said I can't always help it due to my AS he said 'don't blame the AS unless you want to be marginalised'.  Now that annoyed me greatly, for the reasons I have said, but in some ways he's right.

 

If we don't try to make things better, we'll just carry on as we are, never learning from what lessons might teach us and enable us to be more capable of seeing what others see in us.  If for instance, I don't start to try and look people in the eye more, and wait that little bit longer before I speak, they'll always have an excuse to 'marginalise' me, because that's what they appear to be wanting to do.  I might never win, because they might always seem to be playing this card, but at least I can try.

 

A colleague who I'm friends with once told me about how I fiddle with my name badge when I'm getting frustrated in meetings, and I click the card out of the badge holder, and it does make a rather audible click.  I can carry on doing this for a long period, and sometimes do it when I'm just sat at my desk working or on the phone, however, for the interests of not wanting to annoy people i've had to try and stop doing this so much.  She suggested that when we go into meetings I don't wear it and you know what, what a great suggestion!

 

How about you have something in your hand for when you want to fidget, that won't annoy others?  Something squishy, that belongs to you?  Maybe like a stress ball or something?

 

You can't always hide behind your autism, and they're only trying to help, because one day you might pick something up that doesn't belong to you and the other person might not be quite so nice, and take exception to the fact you've done so.  Life lessons specialstar, life lessons.

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Willow

I've had a word with specialstar outside if this thread and she informed ms that she was anxious already due to some in house bullying (I assume from other people who are living there and being cared for) which was why she was fiddling, and also why she took this incident to heart so much but I have made sure she understand what we ate trying to say by pointing out that people don't like their things being touched.

I am in agreement with you oakers and you've made some excellent points which I hope specialstar will take on board :)

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mary
I've had a word with specialstar outside if this thread and she informed ms that she was anxious already due to some in house bullying (I assume from other people who are living there and being cared for) which was why she was fiddling, and also why she took this incident to heart so much but I have made sure she understand what we ate trying to say by pointing out that people don't like their things being touched. I am in agreement with you oakers and you've made some excellent points which I hope specialstar will take on board :)

 

Thank you Willow... glad you can see what I was trying to say.  I too hope that specialstar will take at least some of what we've all said on board and that it will help.

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