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AllSpectrumGirl

Been isolating myself and feeling sad

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AllSpectrumGirl

I've been feeling really lonely lately.  I lost a friend a few years ago because apparently I overshared some of my problems to them and they could not handle it.  I don't go out with my other friends that much because I'm afraid of oversharing things about what I'm going through and pushing them away or having them think less of me.  I mostly stay inside my house all the time because I'm afraid of being a burden to my friends.  I've been making up imaginary friends and imagining I'm hanging out with them instead of my real life friends because I know my imaginary friends won't judge me or leave me.  It's not the same, however, and it sometimes gets depressing not being able to talk to my real friends. How do I learn to trust people again, and more importantly, how do I learn when I'm oversharing things about stuff they don't want to hear?

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Sofi

Are you me?! You described my life. So I'm afraid I don't have answers but I will like to know what other people have to say.

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the-commander

I've been feeling really lonely lately.  I lost a friend a few years ago because apparently I overshared some of my problems to them and they could not handle it.  I don't go out with my other friends that much because I'm afraid of oversharing things about what I'm going through and pushing them away or having them think less of me.  I mostly stay inside my house all the time because I'm afraid of being a burden to my friends.  I've been making up imaginary friends and imagining I'm hanging out with them instead of my real life friends because I know my imaginary friends won't judge me or leave me.  It's not the same, however, and it sometimes gets depressing not being able to talk to my real friends. How do I learn to trust people again, and more importantly, how do I learn when I'm oversharing things about stuff they don't want to hear?

try and not share as much and let other people talk. i think getting outside might also be good for you. what your doing right now just dose not sound healthy. 

Edited by the-commander

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InsomniaDreams

Why don't you write a journal or make a tumblr blog? That's what I do. You can do it all anonymously. I'm not saying it helps majorly as it hasn't helped me majorly but it's good to have a record of feelings down somewhere. Or do it on wordpress. People do read your stuff. More likely to be read on wordpress than tumblr as that's mainly for pictures I think.

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the-commander

Why don't you write a journal or make a tumblr blog? That's what I do. You can do it all anonymously. I'm not saying it helps majorly as it hasn't helped me majorly but it's good to have a record of feelings down somewhere. Or do it on wordpress. People do read your stuff. More likely to be read on wordpress than tumblr as that's mainly for pictures I think.

id argue that if it involves spending more time inside isolated from society that it will probably just make things worse. i could be wrong, and maybe thats something else you may want to look into. but more then anything i think that isolation from society and not leaving the house is pretty obviously the major problem here. i think she should try and go see her freinds. i think its an intresting idea, im ust not sure how well it would actually work. i think it may very well help, i just think trying to go outside, getting fresh air, talking  to people ,etc would help more. 

Edited by the-commander

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Khasper

I'd say to get out and if at the very least walk. I don't know if you have an area around where you live that is a boardwalk or walking trail but if you do just get outside and enjoy the weather, I'd say to go when it is nice out, don't worry about interacting with people, but I will say that when you walk, even if you don't feel like it smile and look ahead and slightly up to the sky, make sure to look down if you are like me and have a habit of tripping over anything.

 

I've noticed that as you do this a few things happen, not going in to the physical aspects of breathing, exercising and depression, but it will make you seem confident and people will acknowledge you, say hello, if they do don't worry, if you can't get the words out, smile and wave. I have meet a few people doing this, no one that I would call friends but I see them enough and as you get comfortable you can say hello back, and get some interaction with other people. Even if it is only a brief hello how are you, and if someone asks how are you I usually keep it brief. Usually if I'm not that good I say I'm ok, and if I feel good I say I'm good.

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Whoknows

You can overshare with me as much as you want. I always scare people to death with my stories.

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HalfFull

If you still have the other friends, could you tell them that you want to meet them, and ideally would welcome their perspective on some of your problems because you need support, but make them aware that you don't want to scare them off, so would like to discuss boundaries. For example, is it the amount of time you spend talking about your problems or is it that you go too deep and getting into 'too much information' territory. Certainly give them a chance to talk equally. If you can spend one-to-one time with a particular friend maybe have an agreement that you will not speak for more than 50% of the time that talking is possible and that if they don't fill the other 50% talking, then there will be silence instead. Sometimes, people can 'time out'. I have one friend who each time we meet he spends 30 mins or so telling me about his week, and then I spend far more telling him about my stuff, and beyond my 30 mins he hardly responds to anything I say, even when I was telling him about my school reunion.

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Nesf

I agree with the others that it's good to get out, even if only for a walk, it doesn't have to involve socialising. You could invite a friend to do something together such as watch a movie or play games, and then you can spend more time talking about the movie or game and I'm sure it won't be overwhelming either you you or the other person - sometimes it's good to talk to someone about problems and ask for advice - then you could start that conversation with "can I ask for your advice on something?" or "do you mind if I discuss a personal matter with you? And then try to limit the length of time you spend on that topic and make sure you discuss other things too so they don't get overwhelmed.

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L Lawliet

I've been feeling really lonely lately.  I lost a friend a few years ago because apparently I overshared some of my problems to them and they could not handle it.  I don't go out with my other friends that much because I'm afraid of oversharing things about what I'm going through and pushing them away or having them think less of me.  I mostly stay inside my house all the time because I'm afraid of being a burden to my friends.  I've been making up imaginary friends and imagining I'm hanging out with them instead of my real life friends because I know my imaginary friends won't judge me or leave me.  It's not the same, however, and it sometimes gets depressing not being able to talk to my real friends. How do I learn to trust people again, and more importantly, how do I learn when I'm oversharing things about stuff they don't want to hear?

 

I've made up imaginary people/animals my whole life. I put mine into stories. Mine started coming about when my parents got divorced. They are my coping method for escaping real life and real people. Imagination is good in that way :)

 

Your friends shouldn't have just stopped being friends with you because you over shared something. They should have appreciated the fact that you considered them to be close enough to you for you to share with them in the firs place. Depends on what you shared I guess :)

 

Trust is a hard thing to get back, especially when you have been let down, but try not to let your worries overcome your need for friends. You just need to find the right person who doesn't care about your deepest, darkest secrets but instead cares about you as a person.

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