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Little Pink Coupe

Really bad meltdown

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Little Pink Coupe

I had a really awful meltdown a few days ago - I think it was on Wednesday. My day really started to suck all of a sudden, and when I got back to my room, I posted about it in the ranting section of another autism/Asperger forum I'm a part of, and then the meltdown started. I started rocking back and forth, slowly at first, then faster and faster. Then I started crying and sobbing uncontrollably...I just couldn't stop. I also wasn't getting enough air, and was making these peculiar "barking" gasping noises like "Wuh, wuh, wuh wuh..." Rather the way a zebra sounds. My arms and hands also felt tingly, numb and vibrate-y, as well as my face and the back of my head. 

 

This is also really embarrassing, but I was so desperate to get some oxygen, I started sucking my thumb a little bit, and it helped a little bit....I actually felt a little bit comforted, and I was able to slow down my breathing to where I could take semi-decent breaths. Then I stopped right away, since I don't want it to become a habit...I haven't sucked my thumb in years, and I never will again, I promise.

 

I also remember really wanting someone to be there to comfort me and tell me that I was okay, and that everything would be okay....but at the same time, I was also grateful no one was there to see me like that. I work so hard to at least appear normal to everyone, even to my own family....I don't want to be sent back to a place that's anything like Sarah's Smile in Pennsylvania again. My roommate was at her house an hour away when all this happened, which I was happy about....I probably would have scared her to death. All I had then were my stuffed animals. I really love them a lot; they're like my only friends....they're the only ones that have never hurt me, left me, betrayed me or disappointed me in any way. I'll probably always be alone and only have them for company ever. Everyone I like and feel safe with always goes away eventually. 

 

I've also been thinking about killing myself a lot....I'm almost done with college, but I have this math-related learning disability and I'll never pass the class I'm in now, and going to the tutoring center makes me panic....besides, if I'm not good at math I'll probably never get a good job. If I'd had a gun in my room on Wednesday I'd probably have just blown myself away that very night. I just don't see a future for myself. I even bought a little notebook for me to write ideas about killing myself in, and all the reasons why I should do it - and let me tell you, there's a lot...I've just been too lazy to write everything down yet.

 

Thank you for reading this, for those of you who have.  :wub: I feel really safe here on Asperclick...everyone's so nice. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Id

Hey LPC, I just wanted to say that your situation is not that uncommon around here, I've been there myself too, so has my wife. I still suck at math and they let me build rocket engines so it isn't all bad. You'll find what works for you one day.

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Whoknows

Be safe, but save yourself too. I fear I might not be able to stop if you try to hurt yourself.

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PandaPrincess

I can only imagine what you are going through right now, but I hope everything will work out for you, and in the meantime, please don't hurt yourself.  You are not worthless, and you have a purpose in this world, and if you were gone, then the world would never get to see the awesome stuff that you have to offer it.  If you can, try to write positive thoughts in your notebook instead.

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Bruce

I might be able to help with the maths, if that's any good? Email or pm if so! Otherwise, (((hugs))) some help?

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Scott

That's horrible to hear man, but remember there's always someone on Asperclick to help you. Mathematics was never my strong point either, I always like to have a calculator or calculator app on a phone/tablet close by for that reason, maybe that could be something you could try? Hugs from across the internet!

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Bruce

Heh, I still have my graphical calculator from college somewhere around... Um, sad?

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Nesf

I'm sorry to hear that you had this unpleasant experience - actually that sounds like a panic attack. Not all jobs need good maths skills - it's best to focus on what you're good at rather than what you aren't good at. I don't use it at all in my job.

Edited by Nesf

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Sherbert

I'm so sorry that you feel this way :( being bad at maths doesn't mean you can't get a good job. You should try some new hobbies, and find something that you really enjoy, that you could pursue as a career. People such as actors, authors, painters, dancers and musicians don't usually require any maths qualifications. Having a hobby which you find fun can help you through difficult times. I hope everything gets better! :) *offers hugs*

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Bruce

I'm sorry to hear that you had this unpleasant experience - actually that sounds like a panic attack. Not all jobs need good maths skills - it's best to focus on what you're good at rather than what you aren't good at. I don't use it at all in my job.

Also true, though I take it the maths you're doing is needed...?

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