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blacktiger911

[Sensitive] I Told My Mom About My Suicide Attemps For The First Time Today

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blacktiger911

so today my mom and i were in the living room and we got into a deep conversation about religion and i brought up for the first time to any of my parents (my dad still dose not know) how i was going to kill myself on three separate occasions the first time i was going to slice my wrist and the second and third i was going to cut my throat open, she dident know until today how i had this battle within my own head and i dident let anybody else know because i dident see the point in bringing down others with me i was going to just do it alone. apart of me felt good about telling her but another side of me was "lost" it was something i have been dealing with by myself for a long time keep it to myself and all the feelings that go with it. i also told her that i know that i am not a good person by far and that i have done very bad things but that dose not mean that my life is over and that any monster can find away to keep going and do right, but i choose to not fear the bad in me and embrace it because when you can accept the bad in you you can get control over it instead of fearing it so much it controls you, also i don't know fully who i am and i will continue to go deep within myself to find out who i am even though some people who do don't come back without getting hurt.

 

she is a religious person i haven't told her but i would not be surprised if god damned me to hell for whet i have done even though i have done the necessary things for society to "re-accept me" in the end society dose not play a role in anything.

 

i have become a very morally based person and the thing i have gone through are what have made me today but i still need to shape myself into who i want to be, that is what is important.

 

 

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史越瀚

Based on what you wrote, I think you are a very wise and self-aware person.  Not many people are willing to face the darkness and shortcomings in themselves.  But you can, and what's more, you can look at the darkness without letting it control you.  You should feel proud of yourself for being so strong. 

 

I hope that now that you have talked to your mom about this, the two of you become closer. 

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blacktiger911

yea we have it was a really big deal for me.

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blacktiger911

thanks for posting btw!!

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Gin

I always feel that morals should overweight religion. No need to feel ashamed.

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blacktiger911

I always feel that morals should overweight religion. No need to feel ashamed.

i agree.

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