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Nintendo2

Having a Girlfriend or Boyfriend.

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Nintendo2

 Hey everyone It's Andrew and I was wondering what it is like for people on the spectrum to be in a romantic relationship?  I only been in one date in my life and I'm 26 year old I know sounds crazy lol but I already felt like I'm not good enough for a girl and I not trying to put my self down for self pity but I have a little baggage but I'm not sure if I want a girlfriend or not It seems like it would be stressful but might have some great rewards with it like having someone special in your life. I was wondering people who are on the spectrum how you make it work and is it worth it? Sorry if this is to long and I hope I make sense. :) Thank you so much everyone and I hope all is well. :)

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blacktiger911

well i am 19 and have never been on a date.

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史越瀚

If you can find someone who basically accepts you as you are, but can also inspire you to be even better in an effort to please her/him, then yes, it is totally worth it. 

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blacktiger911

but dont feel to bad if you dont have someone just think of all the money your saving!! :lol::D
lol

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nichii

I'm almost 23 and I've only been on one date too, so you're not alone. My relationship started off as an online one, but we spent some time together in person too. I know if I met my ex in person without meeting her first online, we would have never ended up dating. I can't even walk up to someone and initiate a conversation so I'm really grateful that the internet exists. It makes the world seem smaller and things that wouldn't be possible for me become possible. I'm not a fan of dating sites though. We met on a language penpal site.

 

Being in a relationship was the happiest time of my life, but I don't think I would ever want another girlfriend. It's hard for me to fall in love with someone and to trust them. Unless I'm able to fix all my problems (which is unlikely) I don't think I can be in another relationship because I know it won't last and I don't want to be in pain again.

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Heather

I think that relationships are totally worth it if you find a person who you like and who likes you, and that you are compatible together as friends and partners.. and that you both can understand each other and accept each others' differences and stuff...

 

But I do not suggest to just get in a relationship for the sake of a relationship, cause it's the people that make it good, not the relationship itself.  A relationship can be nice when you have the right person and it's nice to have someone to loves you as much as you love them and who you can rely on for extra support when needed and can support them back, and who you can exchange hugs and kisses with... but it's definitely not everything and it can be totally awesome to be single as well... It can be freeing and make you feel more independent and strong, compared to a relationship where you always have to check in with the other person.  There are pros and cons to both.. If you find someone you like enough to be in a relationship with, then it can be great.. but don't pursue a relationship solely for a relationship because it's not worth it unless the person is worth it... the worst part of a relationship is finding out that they were not the person for you and then having to go through a breakup cause breakups are never fun. (but in the end a breakup is still better than staying in a relationship if the relationship isn't going to work out anyway.. and you do recover with enough time, so don't let it scare you lol)

 

I don't know if it helped but I'm procrastinating from studying and felt like maybe my opinion could help.  But feel free to ignore it as well. haha

Edited by squeeker

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brokenOne

I have had 2 girlfriends and 1 boyfriend. The problem for me is i am such an anomaly that i dont think there is anyone on this planet that would really get me on a deep level. I just found eventually im not relationship material and just stopped trying. Im the only one out of 4 other siblings who hasnt settled down and had kids. The thought of that really turns me off as i am a lone wolf and having a kid wouldnt be fair to him/her. Being single to me is great because i dont have to check in with anybody and can pretty much do whatever i want when i want(legally speaking of course)...

I feel society puts this notion in peoples heads that you should strive to find a mate and settle down and all this other bull. I honestly think thats why divorce rates are so high, people are treating it like a wine tasting experiment, going from person to person. And in the wake of it all messing up lives and leaving broken families as a result. Not me, ill have no part of it.

Edited by brokenOne

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DominikaCupcake

I've been in only one relationship in my life that lasted for two years. There were good things about it and bad things as well.

 

Lately i am thinking more often that perhaps people like us shouldn't be dating at all? I don't know, but i just feel like i'm a burden. I can't take care of myself, so i feel like i'm destroying someone's life when i'm with that person. I don't want them to deal with all my problems because it seems so selfish of me. Generally i think that a person with unstable mental health, anxiety and disorders/syndrome or just people who are unable to live a normal life shouldn't be getting into relationships. I know how it sounds and yeah, i'm scared of loneliness, but it's the only solution that i can think of. I don't think that i will ever find someone that will love me although i am able to truely love a person. 

 

Eventually i would say yes to date another person with AS because of the mutual understanding and everything. But when i'm with an NT, i feel like a burden and it really hurts. So i prefer loneliness over this feeling of helplessness. But to be honest, i would rather have a close friend that i could kiss and cuddle with than a girlfriend/boyfriend. I don't think i'm capable of being in a relationship. But then again, where would i find someone who wouldn't mind emotional and physical closeness without being in a relationship? For me, it's a normal part of a friendship, but it seems like everyone else around me thinks in a whole different way.

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DominikaCupcake

I have had 2 girlfriends and 1 boyfriend. The problem for me is i am such an anomaly that i dont think there is anyone on this planet that would really get me on a deep level. 

 

I feel pretty much the same way. I feel so distant from everyone and i doubt that i would find someone who would accept me the way i am. And i don't intend to act as a different person to get someone to love me.

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Nintendo2

 I can see where you coming from Dominika and broken one.

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