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Having a Girlfriend or Boyfriend.

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brokenOne

I feel pretty much the same way. I feel so distant from everyone and i doubt that i would find someone who would accept me the way i am. And i don't intend to act as a different person to get someone to love me.

Yea exactly. The idea of putting on a charade has never sat well with me. Although i have never dated an Aspie and never had that mutal understanding it just got so tiring and depressing when i was with an NT because i couldnt keep up with them. I just wanted the simple things. And i felt like i was always being judged because of our differences. And i eventually ended up feeling like a disappointment.

Edited by brokenOne

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RiRi

It really depends on whether being in a relationship is worth it or not. I guess if you find someone who genuinely cares about you then it’s worth it. Sometimes it takes being in a relationship for a while to find out that this is in fact the right person. Being in a relationship just for the sake of it I think works if it's only initially like this, you find someone you get along with, are willing to purse them. If you really want to be in a relationship my advice would be to not to give up too easily.

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null

I've been in four relationships, two online and two IRL. There were good bits which were wonderful and of course there was the joy of sex, but there were horrible parts too. To be fair, I did rush into them and didn't really have much in common with any of my girlfriends so I only have myself to blame there. I fall in love far too easily. I do very much want another relationship though with the right woman

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Peridot

Is it worth it?

 

I think that's kind of an odd question.

 

I mean if you meet someone and romance blossoms up you don't think to yourself "Is it worth it?", That would just be strange. You're talking about a relationship here between you and another person. You're not talking about an intellectually made agreement where you go "Hey this could be mutually beneficial to both of us. Shall we give it a go?". That's not romance...

 

Romance happens. But of course there is also the fact that you need to keep your feet on the ground in a certain way. And you need to realize that there are differences between people that sometimes make it impossible for them to e.g. live together in a way that is pleasant for both of them. Lifestyle differences, for instance.

 

So it's not a matter of "It's not worth it". It's a matter of people keeping each other's needs and differences in mind. So the way your relationship(s) end(s) up being results from that. So if you are with someone who truly loves you then you never end up experiencing being with them as "stressful".

Edited by Peridot

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ponz

It definitely is stressful in a relationship. It's basically trying to fuse 2 completely different lives into 1, while still remaining individuals. It's also very bad when the other person doesn't communicate with you or is abusive/neglectful. Finding someone who is attractive to you (aesthetically, romantically, sexually or what have you), attracted to you and also good for you is a very difficult task.

I've been in several very damaging relationships (my partners weren't all abusive; a lot of it was just silly teenage drama), but I still think that having a relationship is worthwhile for those who want one. It's important to know what you need from a partner and what you can give, then find someone who is compatible and mature enough to handle disagreements. During certain phases of every relationship, there's a tug of war where each person "fights" for their needs. It takes dedicated and reasonably mature people to get through that.

As for the baggage, I'm pretty sure everybody has some. It's only truly a problem if you make your partner responsible for healing your wounds.

If you try dating and things go wrong, don't give up. make a failed relationship into a successful learning experience. ^__^

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No Longer Here

I never had any problems with getting girlfriends. Had lots before I got married. (I hope this doesn't sound arrogant) I still have some women coming on to me. Bearing in mind that as an Aspie I miss subtle clues I figure the ones I notice must be very blatant in NT terms

Edited by Andy R

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Sofi

Hi Andrew I just want to tell you you're not alone I'm 25 and never been on a date or had a relationship either. I find it hard to understand and I took a long time to understand what a romantic relationship actually is and now I understand a bit more but I still think  I'd find it difficult to know what to do in one.  I have baggage too so I need to find a partner who wants to accept it and understands me. I have had a few boys interested in me a quite a few times so I know I could have got a boyfriend, I am worried they just like me because I'm beautiful to look at and might not be right for me though.  
You're not alone

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Peridot

I never had any problems with getting girlfriends. Had lots before I got married. (I hope this doesn't sound arrogant)

 

It doesn't sound arrogant.

 

Do you have any idea why the contact with these women always went so smoothly?

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No Longer Here

It doesn't sound arrogant.

Do you have any idea why the contact with these women always went so smoothly?

Well it obviously didn't go that smoothly as I didn't marry any of them until I met the girl who became my wife. Although we met when I was 19 and she was 17

As for why some still come on to me I don’t have a clue haha

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