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Having a Girlfriend or Boyfriend.

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Tylermc

Great topic it took me a long time as well to get a girlfriend I'm in my 30 as well I got set by my sister in laws husband sister she has asd as well we have been going out for a year now I'm so happy too have her in my life she great

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null

A little update to what i posted here some time ago.

 

I've ment this girl lately that i really like and she likes me back. Normally i wouldn't even care because i don't think i'm good enough to be in a relationship and think of myself as a burden. But she is as damaged and as disturbed as i am which makes it a little different. We understand and accept each other. I promised myself that i would never fall in love again, but something in me wants to believe that i am able to make an exception just for her. At the same time i'm scared of it because i know how vulnerable i am at the moment.

 

Perhaps if you're feeling this damaged at the moment it might not be a good idea to get into a relationship with someone else who's damaged. I know it feels like you'll both be able to learn from each other and you'll be able to there for each others' problems but often when two people going through struggles get together it just leads to clashes and arguments and both get hurt

Edited by Laddo

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aspiesw

I started "relapsing" again. I had a daydream of me and my ex staying in a hotel together in Bristol, exploring the town, going for a meal, and a train ride. Everytime I think I'm over him, I begin to think about him again

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Peridot

A little update to what i posted here some time ago.

 

I've ment this girl lately that i really like and she likes me back. Normally i wouldn't even care because i don't think i'm good enough to be in a relationship and think of myself as a burden. But she is as damaged and as disturbed as i am which makes it a little different. We understand and accept each other. I promised myself that i would never fall in love again, but something in me wants to believe that i am able to make an exception just for her. At the same time i'm scared of it because i know how vulnerable i am at the moment.

 

Is she also asexual polyamorous?

Edited by Peridot

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Muzical

Perhaps if you're feeling this damaged at the moment it might not be a good idea to get into a relationship with someone else who's damaged. I know it feels like you'll both be able to learn from each other and you'll be able to there for each others' problems but often when two people going through struggles get together it just leads to clashes and arguments and both get hurt

 

 What Laddo said.  If the word "damaged" is a present-tense thing, IMHO, and O is all it is, is that ANY relationship would be unwise, and going in KNOWING the other person is a BAD IDEA, IMHO.  If *I* were describing myself as you describe yourself and the other party, the only relationship I'd be forming is with a therapist, (and I do have that.  No boyfriend, but do have the shrink.)  My parents are both mentally ill and miserable together, (well, Mom is,) and Mom might've made your exact post 35 years ago.  If she was self-aware enough, anyway, and that you do seem to be somewhat self-aware IS to your credit.

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TheWizardofCalculus

 Hey everyone It's Andrew and I was wondering what it is like for people on the spectrum to be in a romantic relationship?  I only been in one date in my life and I'm 26 year old I know sounds crazy lol but I already felt like I'm not good enough for a girl and I not trying to put my self down for self pity but I have a little baggage but I'm not sure if I want a girlfriend or not It seems like it would be stressful but might have some great rewards with it like having someone special in your life. I was wondering people who are on the spectrum how you make it work and is it worth it? Sorry if this is to long and I hope I make sense. :) Thank you so much everyone and I hope all is well. :)

 

It's cool.  I'm the same age, and you're one date farther along in your romantic life than I am.

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DominikaCupcake

Is she also asexual polyamorous?

 

I have no clue, but no, i don't think so. I'm not sure how i would manage in a sexual relationship. It didn't work with a man.

 

 

 What Laddo said.  If the word "damaged" is a present-tense thing, IMHO, and O is all it is, is that ANY relationship would be unwise, and going in KNOWING the other person is a BAD IDEA, IMHO.  If *I* were describing myself as you describe yourself and the other party, the only relationship I'd be forming is with a therapist, (and I do have that.  No boyfriend, but do have the shrink.)  My parents are both mentally ill and miserable together, (well, Mom is,) and Mom might've made your exact post 35 years ago.  If she was self-aware enough, anyway, and that you do seem to be somewhat self-aware IS to your credit.

 

Thanks for advice and i really get what you mean. But by "damaged" i don't mean that i have mental problems at the moment, but just the way i am. I am different and i was born different. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone "normal" because i'm so far from the standards and so is she which only makes me more attracted to her. I just prefer someone quirky who spends 90% of their time in their own world and has problems with anxiety and socializing rather than someone well... so called "normal". I was in a relationship with a neurotypical guy and we had huge problems with understanding each others.

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Gin

I have had 2 girlfriends and 1 boyfriend. The problem for me is i am such an anomaly that i dont think there is anyone on this planet that would really get me on a deep level. I just found eventually im not relationship material and just stopped trying. Im the only one out of 4 other siblings who hasnt settled down and had kids. The thought of that really turns me off as i am a lone wolf and having a kid wouldnt be fair to him/her. Being single to me is great because i dont have to check in with anybody and can pretty much do whatever i want when i want(legally speaking of course)...

I feel society puts this notion in peoples heads that you should strive to find a mate and settle down and all this other bull. I honestly think thats why divorce rates are so high, people are treating it like a wine tasting experiment, going from person to person. And in the wake of it all messing up lives and leaving broken families as a result. Not me, ill have no part of it.

 

I think I have the luck that of us 4 (now adult) only one of my siblings actively has been seeking a relationship, and the only "serious" one he's had is long distance. I found myself always disliking the girls he likes, so I am pretty happy the others have as little interest in dating as I do. I would hate to have family reunions to which everyone would bring their horrid wives. I like having one on one time with my brothers. I think wives would very much disrupt the harmony we have. I feel kind of bad for my parents though. However, my mom is the only one of her 4 siblings who got married and formed a family, so I'm guessing it doesn't come as that big of a surprise.

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Gin

I have gotten caught in a relationship before. Mostly because I didn't know how to act to get rid off him and didn't have the guts to turn him down. It just dragged on for about 2-3 months (meeting once every 1-2 weeks) until we both just stopped responding to each others texts. It was a very peaceful end to it. He was a good guy and all, but being in a relationship gave me horrible anxiety and I would always dread having to meet up and try to come up with excuses to postpone it. Sadly there was no attachment or love on my end. I always hoped it would come but it never did.

 

After that I concluded I am asexual.

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Gin

I have no clue, but no, i don't think so. I'm not sure how i would manage in a sexual relationship. It didn't work with a man.

 

 

 

Thanks for advice and i really get what you mean. But by "damaged" i don't mean that i have mental problems at the moment, but just the way i am. I am different and i was born different. I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone "normal" because i'm so far from the standards and so is she which only makes me more attracted to her. I just prefer someone quirky who spends 90% of their time in their own world and has problems with anxiety and socializing rather than someone well... so called "normal". I was in a relationship with a neurotypical guy and we had huge problems with understanding each others.

 

The only way I could ever imagine dating someone would be if they would be as odd as I am. I could not satisfy an NT person. I did not like it when my boyfriend touched or cuddled me, and I need to hide away and have my me time for probably 80% or more of my day.

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