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blacktiger911

i dont want to bring you into my dark world.

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blacktiger911

so i was talking to my mom and we got into religion and i told that i don't tell her everything because i don't want to bring anyone down with me. outside i am a mostly normal person but on the inside a war is raging for control and defining who i am and who i want to be. i have a big fear of people and meeting, and interacting with them and is what keeps me from a job. i just find myself going off inside my head. i cannot stop going through everything i do and the bad possible outcomes. and a big push from family about religion i get religion and i understand it mostly but i still fear the world that we know so little about after we die. i really just want to get a stupid f#@$king job so others will stop nagging me about and i can get my own place where i can be alone and left to my own devices. i could really use a cigarette right now but my family still dose not know i smoke so that would just create more problems for me but i am stressing the f@#$k out here and the added depression is not helping. i want to run away to a place where i dont have to worrie about this crap but that only exist in my head. i am afraid that this stress and depression will soon lead to my demise or worse.

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Peridot

i still fear the world that we know so little about after we die.

 

Did you mean to write: I still fear the world we enter after we die that we know so little about? If so, then I'd say that's an odd way of looking at things. The whole idea of an afterlife is preposterous. You define yourself wrongly if you think an afterlife is possible.

 

Anyway, things can always get worse. There's many people who would happily trade with you when it comes to the amount of problems that you have. Not that I'm trivializing your woes, it's just that judging by your post there isn't anything that you can't tackle with the right approach.

 

Have you ever spoken to a psychologist? I think it could help.

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Ben

You're scared of the afterlife? Well, you don't sound too chuffed about THIS life either. 

 

As someone who has recently completed CBT, I personally can't recommend therapy enough. Honestly, therapy was one of the best things I've done with my life. 

 

And just as tip: don't talk about religion to people unless they have your best interests at heart within the subject. Religious zealots - even if they're family, only care about ramming their ideals down your throat. My mother is into witchcraft, and clairvoyance type stuff. I just let her get on, whilst keeping my opinions to myself, because the last thing I'd want to do, is become the very thing I hate - a zealot.

Edited by Ben

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brokenOne

Sorry bro. You will find your way in this world, i promise. It may not be right now but you gotta keep trying and searching. I thought about suicide many times. But for all those who actually did take their own life, i said to myself i need to live for them. Even if i never met them, its the right thing to do. Depression is a very serious illness and talking it out with someone can be very beneficial. I dont believe in an afterlife. I feel like when you die, its a lot like before you were born, just an eternal dreamless sleep. Doesn't sound too bad. So while im alive right now, i might as well feel, love, and live, because its not going to be around forever.

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Peridot

"Life after death? I don't believe in that. I believe this is it and it's the best way to live."

 

Natalie Portman

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史越瀚

Sounds like you are having a really rough time.  Trying to find a job can be really stressful... But, from your other posts, I know you are taking good steps in that process, so I think something will finally turn up.

 

In the meantime, I suggest you find someone you can really talk to.  Either a friend, someone in your family, or a counselor or psychologist.  People usually can't tell what's going on inside another person.  So if you act/look normal, they will just think that everything is fine.  That's why you need to find someone you can talk to. 

 

Life can be really hard.  No matter how strong we might think we are, life is probably stronger.  That's why we all need someone else to help us face this struggle called life. 

 

I did CBT therapy in my early 20s, and like Ben, I really recommend it.  If you can find something like that, and you have insurance that would pay for it, that would be great.   Nowadays I would love to go back to therapy, but without a job, I have no insurance...

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blacktiger911

i have given up on therapy after 9 years of it nothing went anywhere. some even just blew me off. i probably sound like a mad man but there are things i just cant help but think about.

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blacktiger911

I got blown off once.

sucks huh. It makes not want to trust them anymore.

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null

I don't know if this will be of any consolation, but I feel like this pretty much 24/7. It can help to know you're not alone is this sort of thing. Anyway, I hope it gets better for you in time

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