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Samantha

15 yr old dau with first guy friend

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Samantha

Hi

 

I am a mom of a wonderful 15 yr old girl with aspergers. She has her first real guy friend. He does have a girlfriend and has told her such. He understands my dau has a small crush on him but he has set boundries. This is his first time being around someone with aspergers and he is doing wonderfully! He is very kind and listens to her. 

 

I need to know how to  talk to her about her feelings, ie the difference between friends and girlfriends and behaviors of both. So far, she gets uncomfortable and shuts down. Any info would be helpful

 

Thanks

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RiRi

Perhaps because he is so attractive "very kind and listens to her" to her that it's really hard for her not to see him in terms of boyfriend girlfriend relationship. I'm not sure, I would really just hope he breaks up with his girlfriend and goes out with your daughter, but that is kind of unrealistically speaking. 
 
Tell her that you understand that she may not feel comfortable speaking about the situation, but it's really important to do so. Tell her that his girlfriend may not be okay with her being too attached to him. Ask her what she thinks will happen in the future with him and her or what she is hoping to get out of this non romantic relationship between him and her. Maybe you won't get her to speak the first time, but I think she will at least think about it. I would insist in talking about it, but would wait around before insisting the second time.

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Whoknows

Well, how to put it? :mellow:

 

There.... ain't that much boundaries between friends and boy-girl-friends. There's just as much as what a person thinks is friendship and a love-relation. It has to do with how much they consider each other or how far are they willing to go for them. :huh:

 

What makes them different is what they feel about each other. In other words, a person you love as your boyfriend is different from someone you love as your friend. -_-

 

No matter how long time no see, it's a feeling that remains. :)

 

Sorry, if I don't make much sense. :lol:

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Auletes

Does she necessarily have to talke with you? I'd only answer yes if I feared sexual abuse/ something in that direction. Otherwise: Let her make her own experiences and be ready to talk with her if she wishes to do so.

 

How do you know she doesn't know the difference about friendship and relationship? This difference can vary in people, so it's the 3 of them that needs to sort out this boundaries among them.

 

Otherwise I'd just encourage her to try to talk about her feelings or express them in any possible way. If it's just writing a diary, that's fine. Or something else like drawing, painting, whatever. Encourage her do be active, I can sort my feelings out very well while I exercise.

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MagicBard

Hi

 

I am a mom of a wonderful 15 yr old girl with aspergers. She has her first real guy friend. He does have a girlfriend and has told her such. He understands my dau has a small crush on him but he has set boundries. This is his first time being around someone with aspergers and he is doing wonderfully! He is very kind and listens to her. 

 

I need to know how to  talk to her about her feelings, ie the difference between friends and girlfriends and behaviors of both. So far, she gets uncomfortable and shuts down. Any info would be helpful

 

Thanks

 

The fact that he has told her there are boundaries and he is being awesome about the whole thing speaks volumes!

 

I know when I was 15 the last thing I wanted was my mom talking to me about differences between friends and girlfriends. My mom did give me a book about changing bodies.   I was uncomfortable enough thinking about anything to do with any sort of boy/girl relationship beyond friendship that I didn't have my own boyfriend till I was 18.

 

Unless she is showing signs that she wants more than a friendship with him, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

 

If you feel you absolutely need to talk to her, tell her you know it makes her uncomfortable but you feel she needs to know that there are things that you need to talk to her about.  Tell her you are there for her to ask questions and when she has some you would like her to come to you with them.  If she shuts down, she may still be listening, just not responding.  My son did that a lot around that age.

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