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Mike_GX101

Breaking free of bad routines

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Ben
@ben - the only thing which really stood out of your post was 3000 - 5000mg of vitamin C! That seems to be a lot. I'm taking a nutrition exam in a few weeks, and we've been told overdosing vitamin C (so more 1500- 2500) every day can cause kidney stones/ upset stomach..... Is this complete nonsense?

 

In my view? Yes, complete hogwash, and the crap you would expect a doctor perpetuate. 

 

Easiest way to find out though, is to search for studies on Pubmed, or Google scholar. If you come across anything convincing PM me with it. 

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Nesf

I'm also messy and get critised for it, and always leave things until they absolutely have to be done. It may be mess, but it's my mess, and if someone comes and tidies my things up it throws me completely when I can't find them and makes me irritable and likely to meltdown, I hate people interfering with my things.

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Sofi
I'm also messy and get critised for it, and always leave things until they absolutely have to be done. It may be mess, but it's my mess, and if someone comes and tidies my things up it throws me completely when I can't find them and makes me irritable and likely to meltdown, I hate people interfering with my things.

 

Yes, I am the same as this. I can't stand it when my mum comes into my room and tries to move my things or tidy up. I appreciate she is trying to help, or it's her instinct. But, it irritates me so much! I am quite possessive of my belongings and they definitely belong the exact place where I have put them! My cupboard is extremely organised and I, too, would throw a fit if anything was moved - I've got many storage boxes and I know exactly what is in each one, and where it is! I've got all my fanfictions print outs organised and other articles organised in category - Greek, Rome, Egypt etc etc. 

Clothes do tend to pile up and it can appear a mess, but it is definitely organised chaos, in my eyes. 

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mary
This is all well and good for people with few real world commitments. It's all a bit far fetched and out of reach for people in debt, working full time in a job they hate. :P

 

I agree... I have work full time, 37.5 hrs a week, or more... and I don't have the time to have much 'chill out' time by the time I get home, walk the dog, eat, shower etc.

 

And by carrying on with the above, ignoring signs of depression, and carrying on because they feel society tells them too, is going to make it better? Does my cut get better if I keep picking at the scab? No it will eventually get infected. 

 

One way or the other, the body will put you out of commission. Why is obesity on the rise? Why is stress on the rise? Cancer, heart problems, you name it, it's all on the rise. And it's because people pound away like a beaten horse ignoring their well being. 

 

'Oh but some don't have a choice, they have kids to look after' 

 

Trust me, your more helpful to your child when your broke, and happy, then when you are bringing in a bit more money, and feeling like shit everyday. I'm not saying live off benefits (Last thing anyone should do) But I strongly believe no matter who you are or what you do, everyone at some point needs time out. 

 

People don't think they have a choice because of what mainstream dogma tells them. A lot of people are brain washed. 

 

Self respect, confidence, and happiness, have to be restored. And you can't do it, if you keep grinding away. You have to go on a self rescue plan right away, and do what's best for you. 

 

It's really all well and good to say about being broke and happy, but broke don't pay the bills does it.  Broke doesn't mean you can actually live in a house and be comfortable enough to be able to 'chill out'.  In the real world it's not as easy as you say Ben, sorry, it just isn't :/

 

No but you have to carry on until you can be in a position to take the time out, either because you've found a new job, started your own business, saved for a holiday etc. It's just not as simple as you're saying, that's all. Having debt because you couldn't afford food at one time or another, that won't go away if you bury your head in the sand, just because you need time out. You have to figure a way to sort it, not ignore it - it will still be there when you get back from your break.

 

I agree... it may be that you can buy yourself some 'chill out' time by saving up, or using your holidays more proactively, or finding a new job.  Having debt it no fun for anyone, let alone someone who has no job, nor any way of finding one.  I think ignoring things may help for a little while, but on the whole it's not going to make anything better, and in fact may make things worse.

 

And, as Ben says, eventually, you WILL shut down/ meltdown/ have a nervous breakdown or something! If you can catch the cycle early & make smaller adjustments to deal with it, that's better than ending up in the mental wards. Tricky sort of balance!

 

Agreed, it's best to try and work at things and make little adjustments and perhaps more often than you would make a huge adjustment.  You have to think about things so that you're doing things that will work for you though and not just because they worked for someone else.  It's important to remember that your world may come crashing down around you if you just stop doing everything and neglect to go to work, or give up work to give yoursel some space.  Jobs are not so easy to come by these days, as we all well know, so sticking with a job you don't necessarily like may just be a situation you find yourself in with no real way out.

 

See, this is supposed to be an aspie thing, this routine thing, but I can't do routines, they drive me nuts with boredom and as it was in the past, the routines i had to have i had to vary the routine to stop the boredom setting in, because when I get bored i lose interest.

 

And so those that know me and know of autism they tell me i need routines as they are natural to my autism where I say you haven't got a clue beyond what you ave read or been told and that's the danger, we are being pigeon holed, told how we must be.

 

I don't mine routines, but I can take them or leave them.  I don't need a routine to be happy.  In work I am probably most happy when my work varies rather than knowing what I'll be doing day in and day out.

 

I would agree wholeheartedly with the comment about people not knowing about autism / AS beyond what they read... have they experienced it? Do they really know someone who has it?  Do they know how that person ticks?  I highly doubt it most of the time.  Just as not all NTs are the same, neither are we... and we all have our own individual traits and talents.  Granted some may be the same as someone else who is on the spectrum, but it doesn't mean we all share the same talents or difficulties.

 

I say what I say because I care. It would be disaster and a tragedy if you were to have a full mental breakdown like my uncle did. I'm telling you, you would never come back from it, and you would be on medication for the rest of your life. 

 

You can not put a price on personal well being. 

 

 

Mike, take parts of my post that makes sense to you. Ideally follow it to a tee, but If that's not possible at least get the nutrition part down. 

 

I think it's rather generalised to say that people can't come back from such things, although I will give it to you that it is extremely difficult.  It again depends on the person who it is affecting.

 

I agree that it is very important to look out for signs of stress and try to resolve whatever it is that is causing you the stress, but it's not always as easy as being able to walk away from it, even if it is for self preservation.  Ideally yes, realistically?  Not always possible.

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Ben

Yeah, but you still should. 

 

I have no money, I'm in debt (In fact severe trouble, more than you know), Do you think I was just born, and ushered into a blessed life? Nope, but, I put myself first, because let me tell you slick, no one else but you, will put you first. Everyone else is out for themselves, yes, there are nice people, but humans are self serving when it comes down to it. (Call me generalising, but prove this to be wrong) 

 

My father, has a three bedroom house, ten years of debt, no central heating, and receives threats daily, does he care? He used too, but once you run out of money, you don't worry about it any more, because you have no money to worry about! 

 

It comes down to how much you want to beat your depression, or your stress. And what the cost will be. Even if you work, you can still to a very large degree follow the advice I laid out. 

 

37 hours a week working, you have 168 hours in a week, so that leaves you 131 hours. Lets say you sleep 8 hours, that's 56 hours you sleep, which gives you a grand total of 75 hours a week of free time, spread that out across the week, and that's 10 hours a day! 

 

Your telling me you don't have time? 

 

Then you can even make work more interesting, walk, or drive a different way, come home a different way. Come home, and avoid TV, use that time to walk, and reflect. If you struggle to fit that in, wake up an hour earlier, but I'd be suprised if you couldn't still fit things in. 

 

A sign of stress, is making excuses. You won't like hearing it, but it's true. It's a prominent sign. Another sign is putting things off, and leaving things until the last minute, and here we are again, full circle back to Mikes OP, and the point I'm getting at. To break the cycle, you simply have to get out of it, and change your daily routine, there's no way around it. 

 

What kind of life is it, if you just go through the motions and just let stress mount up until it becomes unmanageable? A crap one! And even if you can't see it, you are worth more than that, and you deserve better than that! 

 

Put yourself first, do whatever you have to do. 

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Willow
Yeah, but you still should. 

 

I have no money, I'm in debt (In fact severe trouble, more than you know), Do you think I was just born, and ushered into a blessed life? Nope, but, I put myself first, because let me tell you slick, no one else but you, will put you first. Everyone else is out for themselves, yes, there are nice people, but humans are self serving when it comes down to it. (Call me generalising, but prove this to be wrong) 

Yes we too have debt, quite a lot when you factor in our car! And no spare money, which adds to the debt some months - and no sign of a pay rise etc. Aside from ploughing any scrap of money and time we do have into starting a business, there's nothing do be done short term to avoid the stress and/or depression etc. We are putting ourselves first in the respect that, if we buckle down now, and deal with how awful our situation is, we might be able to make a better future for ourselves. And, there are people that put others before themselves - even if it's not all the time, 24/7, there are people.

It comes down to how much you want to beat your depression, or your stress.

It doesn't come down to this really. I feel that a person can want to be happy, but circumstances make that very hard or impossible, at times. I just feel like you're oversimplifying a massively complicated issue and in doing so, making people who are stuck, feel inferior, or something!

37 hours a week working, you have 168 hours in a week, so that leaves you 131 hours. Lets say you sleep 8 hours, that's 56 hours you sleep, which gives you a grand total of 75 hours a week of free time, spread that out across the week, and that's 10 hours a day! 

 

Your telling me you don't have time? 

 

Then you can even make work more interesting, walk, or drive a different way, come home a different way. Come home, and avoid TV, use that time to walk, and reflect. If you struggle to fit that in, wake up an hour earlier, but I'd be suprised if you couldn't still fit things in. 

The hours which are spare after a full time job are mostly 'unsociable' hours, not to mention being too exhausted mentally or physically from the job to do anything other than nothing. And I know this will be true for oakers more so than some due to her health.

A sign of stress, is making excuses. You won't like hearing it, but it's true. It's a prominent sign. Another sign is putting things off, and leaving things until the last minute, and here we are again, full circle back to Mikes OP, and the point I'm getting at. To break the cycle, you simply have to get out of it, and change your daily routine, there's no way around it.

There's making excuses - like putting off doing the laundry or dishes, and then there's not physically being able to anything about a given situation, like being unhappy in a job but not being able to quit due to responsibilities, like paying for the things you do enjoy/need, like food and a car. And, sometimes there is no way around the daily routine.

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mary
Yeah, but you still should. 

 

We don't live in an ideal world Ben...

 

I have no money, I'm in debt (In fact severe trouble, more than you know), Do you think I was just born, and ushered into a blessed life? Nope, but, I put myself first, because let me tell you slick, no one else but you, will put you first. Everyone else is out for themselves, yes, there are nice people, but humans are self serving when it comes down to it. (Call me generalising, but prove this to be wrong) 

 

It's not really my concern if you have debt, or if you are in severe trouble as you state, as you rightly point out that is your business.  Whether you are comfortable with that or not is your business also, but it is not something I'd like for myself... whether that means that I continue as I am or not.  Nobody suggested that you had a blessed life, but perhaps you could come across as a little less patronising, as by replying in the manner you do you don't help but more likely rile people.

 

My father, has a three bedroom house, ten years of debt, no central heating, and receives threats daily, does he care? He used too, but once you run out of money, you don't worry about it any more, because you have no money to worry about!

 

For me, I'd rather not have to worry about whether or not I can afford to live, heat where I live, or eat.  I'd rather not run out of money, for I do not wish to have the stress of being harrassed by those who'd harrass because I had no money.

 

It comes down to how much you want to beat your depression, or your stress. And what the cost will be. Even if you work, you can still to a very large degree follow the advice I laid out. 

 

Who says I have depression?  You?  Are you a doctor?  I'm sorry Ben but you really don't have the right to go judging the people in the way you do.

 

37 hours a week working, you have 168 hours in a week, so that leaves you 131 hours. Lets say you sleep 8 hours, that's 56 hours you sleep, which gives you a grand total of 75 hours a week of free time, spread that out across the week, and that's 10 hours a day! 

 

Your telling me you don't have time? 

 

Ok Ben... have you factored in the parts where I am too exhausted after work, both mentally and physically, to be able to do anything but 'sit around' most of the time because I literally have nothing left to give?  I used to enjoy a very active social life in terms of going out and photography bands, sometimes many times a week.  After doing that I'd then spend the time working on my website... but you know what, something had to give... I had to give up the ONE thing I LOVED because I had to choose work over enjoyment... now don't you tell me that I can now choose work over anything as there is nothing left to give.

 

You might see it as simple as a little math, but what you're not factoring in is me having to get up and be physically able to do anything before work, except for perhaps walking my dog and even that has become limited which destroys a little piece of me each time I can't take her out.  I am just glad she's old enough to be able to deal with not going out if I'm not too well.

 

I then go to work and spend 8 hours there, if I'm lucky.  Some days I have to go in early, meaning I spend longer than that there.  Some days I have to stay late... just recently I took a day back, but I'm still owed 12.5 hours with no signs of that getting any less right away.

 

My job is mentally draining, especially now that I have the added stress of dealing with everything that is going along with me divulging my AS diagnosis late last year.

 

I have also been diagnosed with EDS, which if you're not familiar with causes lots of pain and fatigue.  I have also been told I have fybromyalgia, so add that in and I live a really exciting life!  I am currently on three different medications and one of them is MST... we're not messing here Ben, this is real life... this is what I've had to resort to because I can't control the pain with anything else.  A consultant anaesthetist / pain doctor has prescribed me this and guess what, he's not messing either.

 

On a weekend, once a fortnight, I pretty much devote my time to spending it with my nephew as I all too well realise that he will soon not want to spend so much time with his aunt.  Sometimes I cannot even spend time with him due to the pain, but I fight on... we do our baking and even if I suffer for it, most of the time we do it.

 

Do you think I want to be in pain?  Do you think I want to be exhausted?  No, and No, but there aint a lot I'm able to do about it.  Couple that with a 37.5hr a week job (which as I said is often more) and you tell me how you'd be coping.

 

Then you can even make work more interesting, walk, or drive a different way, come home a different way. Come home, and avoid TV, use that time to walk, and reflect. If you struggle to fit that in, wake up an hour earlier, but I'd be suprised if you couldn't still fit things in. 

 

I walk if I am able, I go to work in the car because I can't walk, because if I walk and can't rest before going anywhere I suffer.  For the last few months if I go out shopping with my mum, even just for groceries and a hot drink, I will 9/10 times not be able to get back into the car properly because my body is against me, and my bones don't want to allow me to.  So, your theory of keeping moving doesn't really fit there does it?  I'm moving, yet it makes me suffer more.

 

If I wake up earlier (when I can walk the dog) that'd mean I'd be up at 5am and I don't wish to be up that early.  When Lottie and I go out I'm up at 6am.  So, if I get up at 6am, and take her out and get home after 7am, I have some time to rest and then have to set off for work to get there for just before 9 on a Mon / Tues / Thurs.  On a Wed I need to be in slightly earlier and on a Fri I need to, ideally, be in for 8.  I then work til at least 5pm, most of the time not getting a lunch break because I have too much work to do, and for the last 13 weeks one of my colleagues has been off Wed / Thurs / Fri as she's sick.  For 6 weeks prior to that the opposite colleague was off.

 

You tell me how I'm supposed to make work less stressful or make it more interesting?

 

A sign of stress, is making excuses. You won't like hearing it, but it's true. It's a prominent sign. Another sign is putting things off, and leaving things until the last minute, and here we are again, full circle back to Mikes OP, and the point I'm getting at. To break the cycle, you simply have to get out of it, and change your daily routine, there's no way around it. 

 

I know we've had our differences in the past, and you're going to probably accuse me of being harsh, but who exactly are you to tell me that I'm making excuses?  I live in reality Ben, something I question whether you do at times.  I don't put things off and I certainly don't leave things until the last minute, in fact I plan things and very, very rarely leave anything until the last minute.

 

How exactly do you change a daily routine such as I have described as above?

 

What kind of life is it, if you just go through the motions and just let stress mount up until it becomes unmanageable? A crap one! And even if you can't see it, you are worth more than that, and you deserve better than that! 

 

Put yourself first, do whatever you have to do. 

 

What kind of life is it?  One that means I can exist with some level of comfort - ie being able to eat, sleep in a nice bed, and have some heating if required.  I have a car because I need one.  I have a dog, and I make sure she is looked after well with vets / insurance / etc, but if you're talking luxuries then she is probably my biggest luxury in life.  Pretty sad isn't it Ben?  Not much to be able to cut back on is it?  No.

 

I have a little debt and wish for it to be paid off.  Maybe then I can relax a little, but given the economic climate right now, I'd say it's not going to be a possibility in at least, oh, this lifetime unless something changes immensely.

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Ben

Ok, fine I'm wrong (Again) Whatever. Seriously, do whatever you want. I'm just trying to help. I'm done. 

 

Well and truly done now. Everything has to be a heated debate, and I can't be bothered anymore. This is what you get for trying to help. I get made a fool out of all the time. 

 

I'll see you all around (Maybe) 

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mary

I wish I could like your post more than once Willow... what you say has such truth.

 

And, of course, I agree with what you have commented on with regard to me... it's entirely true.

 

Sometimes, when we can change things we don't because we're scared, but I'd imagine that a lot of us might be in, or might come across, situations where we can't do a lot about changing them esp when they revolve around money.

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mary
Ok, fine I'm wrong (Again) Whatever. Seriously, do whatever you want. I'm just trying to help. I'm done. 

 

Well and truly done now. Everything has to be a heated debate, and I can't be bothered anymore. This is what you get for trying to help. I get made a fool out of all the time. 

 

I'll see you all around (Maybe) 

 

Ben, you are truly unbelievable.  You expect us to believe that you have 'changed' and have this great outlook on life, as opposed to how you were a little while ago?  Yet you're behaving like a spoilt child who's had his lolly taken off of him.

 

You're talking about peoples' lives and you don't have the knowledge about the particular person's life to be making such judgement calls.  You can have your opinions, but you don't need to ram them down peoples' throats.  You come off half cocked and you really have no idea what you're talking about esp in relation to what I've replied to, ie what you've said about me.

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