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Sofi

Anger

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Willow

I actually don't think I have any anger problems. I don't shout or throw things or hit stuff or anything. I just don't seem to get angry. I get upset and I do have overloads/meltdowns, but I just cry and sleep or get mildly frustrated with things. I used to be a bit more angry, but I guess I just don't have the energy for it now, it seems like a waste.

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Toran

I think anger is controlled by what we have learnt already if we encounter something that outrages us we clearly havent dealt with the issue. If we can control it we have either suppressed spmething that isnt good for our health and its coming out anyway to release the pressure or we have forgiven and or understood what caused the outragious anger in the first place.

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Willow
I think anger is controlled by what we have learnt already if we encounter something that outrages us we clearly havent dealt with the issue. If we can control it we have either suppressed spmething that isnt good for our health and its coming out anyway to release the pressure or we have forgiven and or understood what caused the outragious anger in the first place.

Dealing with something once doesn't mean you won't still get angry at it next time it happens. Some things are just negative, annoying and counter productive, but out of our control - so it will likely always wind us up to some extent!

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Bruce

Mostly, all I see here is people being different! So, some of you get wound up by things that wouldn't bother me, while things that might wind me up wouldn't disturb you & others don't find many things having that effect. What, exactly, is that supposed to prove, if anything?

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Sofi

Not exactly proving anything new, but it's always good to share experiences and share advice if someone has found something that helps them.

Yes - everyone, those on the spectrum and not, are all different and different things make us angry. No two people are the same and certainly AS/Autism isn't the same in no two people. Anger is a common reaction in ASDs though. 

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Bruce

It's the advice I don't see! So, OK, I don't get irritated by PC fans but I can't advise anybody who is how to manage that any better.

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Sofi

It's okay, you don't need to have advice. We don't have all the answers. Sharing experiences, or finding someone else has similar issues to yourself, is comforting enough sometimes. I have had some advice though, about my anger.

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Bruce

Great! OK, are there any tips & tricks for managing frustration/ anxiety/ irritation socially? It's very strange how people offline can say things to me about such matters that wouldn't be appropriate to anybody else, like 'just get over it' - who'd find that remotely helpful or sympathetic?

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Sofi
Great! OK, are there any tips & tricks for managing frustration/ anxiety/ irritation socially? It's very strange how people offline can say things to me about such matters that wouldn't be appropriate to anybody else, like 'just get over it' - who'd find that remotely helpful or sympathetic?

 

Yeah, I know what you mean. People do seem to say things like that, making it seem as if it's that simple. I've had friends say things to me like "Stop that" to me, as if I can just switch off how I am.

What sort of frustration/anxiety/irritation do you mean? Social anxiety? Irritation of other people in public? I know some people would say the more you put yourself in those sorts of situations, you will condition yourself to deal with it better, but that is also easier said than done. With me, in those sorts of situations, I can usually tell when I've had enough of dealing with something socially that's irritating me and it's a better idea to just leave the situation there, before I cause any sort of scene. I maybe try to stop myself doing/saying something reckless by having something with me to distract me and to focus on something else, rather than the situation. That way, I can try to filter out the environment. Such as, headphones with music, magazine, or just something to keep your hands busy with.

Each time you are in that kind of situation, you could try to deal with it for a little bit longer each time, building up your resistance. 

 

What age were you diagnosed? I know you've probably said it elsewhere on the forum, but I can't remember.

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Nesf
I actually don't think I have any anger problems. I don't shout or throw things or hit stuff or anything. I just don't seem to get angry. I get upset and I do have overloads/meltdowns, but I just cry and sleep or get mildly frustrated with things. I used to be a bit more angry, but I guess I just don't have the energy for it now, it seems like a waste.

 

I have emotion overload ones where I go to a quiet place alone and start crying. It's best tht the frustration comes out like this rather than throwing and hitting things. I never feel like sleeping, though, just drained of energy and not wanting to do anything or talk to anyone for a few hours. But everyone's different.

Great! OK, are there any tips & tricks for managing frustration/ anxiety/ irritation socially? It's very strange how people offline can say things to me about such matters that wouldn't be appropriate to anybody else, like 'just get over it' - who'd find that remotely helpful or sympathetic?

I show it when I'm frustrated, tired, bored or unhappy, which is not good, and has given me a reputation of being unfriendly. I avoid being in situations where I know I'm going to have a problem, the last time I had such a situation I got up, went a short distance away and started pacing back and forth. I wanted to go home but couldn't because I'd come with someone else who wasn't ready to leave yet. No one noticed me doing this except for one person, who came up to me and started telling me that he thought I looked very unhappy. He was trying to be kind, but I didn't really want to talk to anyone at that point, especially about personal problems, so I was rather abrupt with him, and he went away. I found this situation very difficult as I felt trapped because I couldn't go home, was bored because they were all just sitting round talking and not doing anything, and decided to decline the next time I'm invited to something like this.

 

I think the best thing to do is to leave if you can, and if you can't, go for a walk to be on your own to calm down. Bruce, you have the perfect excuse as you smoke and can go outside for that, otherwise you could cover for yourself by saying you want to make a phone call. I don't though, I just say I want to go out and stretch my legs.

 

The remark "get over it" is the most pointless and unhelpful anyone can say in such a situation. It would make me angry.

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