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Lack of emotional support for males

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This thread is probably going to generate huge amounts of controversy (as will anything that relates to gender) but I feel I have to say this.

I'm really tired of the way males are expected to just 'keep their chins up' and keep emotions bottled inside. When I say we're expected to do this, I mean by both other males and females. It seems whenever I try to talk to people in person about anything on my mind, they don't want to know or will just try and dismiss the problem as not being important. On the other hand, females always seem to get support from their friends and family no matter what. Two out of four girls I've been out with have called me pathetic for being insecure. One girl who I was very good friends with said the same thing. And yet all of my exes and a lot of the female friends I've had throughout the years have been insecure and always seemed to get support when they needed it.

This is one of the reasons why the male suicide rate is so much higher than the female suicide rate - men feel depressed, they reach out for help, they get ignored, they feel like they're a burden to everyone around them so they kill themselves. Also, it seems like whenever the suicide issue is brought up, someone will say 'Women have it so much worse of because of X, Y and Z'. Yes, women do have it worse than men in general. Does that mean that all male-specific issues should just be ignored?

This kind of attitude should piss women off too, considering it basically implies men are strong enough to deal with things on their own and women aren't. When will we admit that both men and women are riddled with insecurities? Why are male insecurities considered a joke by so many but female insecurities are something that must be dealt with?

The irony of this is that often when I've brought this up I've been essentially told to 'man up'...

EDIT: I forgot to mention abusive relationships. Men get abused by women in relationships far more than the media tells us. Those of us who have been in abusive relationships, however, will get laughed at if we tell anyone. So we have to keep it to ourselves. Case in point: my ex actually went on my Facebook when I was with her and blocked all my female friends and said I wasn't allowed to talk to any other women except for her. Now I had about 25 Facebook friends at the time and less than a quarter were female and not relatives of mine. She had over 1,000 Facebook friends and over half were guys who added her to perv over her constant half-naked selfies. When I raised this she said it didn't matter and that she didn't know half of them. Then accused me of not letting her have friends. WHAT??????? To be fair she was absolutely insane but I've heard of similar things happening to other people.

I'm not saying it's women as a whole who are to blame for this. I think society just needs to at least try to accommodate the needs of both men and women rather than only being able to do so for one gender at a time.

Edited by Laddo

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Little Guy

Growing up with predefined gender roles is hard on all of us. Unfortunately, some of these norms are set by TV & movies. Others are supplied by religions Others by community. And of course family - close and extended. Often all four in varying degrees.

While these roles seldom fit anyone, part of growing and maturing is trying on and casting off various roles although if you watch some TV you think that everyone stays just the same for their entire life. This is not true ... one way or another we change or life changes us. Depression is often suppressed anger. Anger is often frustration.

You have the power to try new roles but you have to be willing to change -- sometimes physical location, sometimes mental location. You may have to leave your town, religion, etc and look for others who are more simpatico. Don't wait for others to change to your liking... I wasted a whole marriage doing that - it's call co-dependence.

Seek change and you will find it. Being aspie is especially trying. Find a real live support group and learn to sit quietly and learn from others' struggling. Not all men are macho and not all women are looking for that. Women struggle too and make just as many bad choices as men! That's how we learn and grow.

Pain is your growing edge. Thank you for sharing.

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lifeis

I agree with everything you've said Laddo except for women generally having it worse than men, I think a lot of them just like to think/make it seem like they do. Women and men often have the same problems on the extreme end of the scale but men often get less help with them. I don't think either side have greater issues but I do get frustrated when it seems that men's are relegated to 2nd place(so to speak).

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Lefki

Even though I would like to, I am not going to answer with a long post and that is because in my opinion this should not be an issue nowadays at all. You are right in everything you wrote. I always say that and others make fun of me. I try to help my boyfriend express his feelings. To feel free to show his insecurities and not trying to be a superman all the time. We are all people and we all have difficulties,  insecurities,  sensitivities etc. 

I am really glad you made that thread but I strongly hope this was not something we have to talk about but something we just know and accept like the fact that the sea has water. 

I am really tired of living in a world where we have to talk or fight for or protest about child abuse, women's rights, animal rights, this issue you brought up and many more...so sick and tired really...

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blacktiger911

yea us guys are told and treated that way because of old time values.

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RiRi

I agree that women have it harder and I agree with the main points of this post which is that women are allowed/can be weak and it's accepted by society. However, men aren't allowed/can't be seen a week, it's unaccepted by society. I agree that this is unfair.

Edited by Makelets

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lifeis
14 hours ago, Makelets said:

I agree that women have it harder and I agree with the main points of this post which is that women are allowed/can be weak and it's accepted by society. However, men aren't allowed/can't be seen a week, it's unaccepted by society. I agree that this is unfair.

why do women have it harder? Biologically they have difficulties granted but for most these are not that extreme. I know women who do have extreme problems with that particular womanly aspect but I wouldn't say that their problems are any different to the many other medical issues men and women suffer from in equal supply.

P.s I'm not saying this in a confrontational way, I'm just interested in why you think this.

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RiRi
10 hours ago, lifeis said:

why do women have it harder? Biologically they have difficulties granted but for most these are not that extreme. I know women who do have extreme problems with that particular womanly aspect but I wouldn't say that their problems are any different to the many other medical issues men and women suffer from in equal supply.

P.s I'm not saying this in a confrontational way, I'm just interested in why you think this.

I'll answer via PM someday. I say someday because I'm not well nowadays. Thanks for understanding. :) 

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lifeis
On 28 February 2016 at 11:29 AM, Makelets said:

I'll answer via PM someday. I say someday because I'm not well nowadays. Thanks for understanding. :)

i wish I'd tried to listen to women's problems more. Before today. Especially my sisters?

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mysti

I agree that men shouldn't have to always be tough & bottle up their emotions & that masculine stereotypes like that aren't helpful.

However, relating to another point raised in this thread, women are not yet treated equally to men. I know men have issues too & I'm not belittling them but in general it is harder for women in society. In developed countries these problems may seem much less significant than in developing countries but for example, women here in the UK still get paid less than men for doing the same jobs. And in other countries & cultures the gender inequalities can be far more pronounced in terms of things like restrictions on what women are & aren't allowed to do, wear etc.

I'm sorry if this isn't phrased very well, I'm tired & my words aren't coming together very eloquently. However I do hope I've been able to contribute to the conversation.

Edited by mysti

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