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Nesf

How social are you?

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Toran

Ive just been told we have another works convention an overnight stay again I find myself liking that more and more even though I know them. I dont think its the work during the day that bothers me so much but the big meal around the long table and after the drinks been flowing they get quite rowdy just like a city pub its horrible.

I dont like that environment but you have to be there as its team building so im told more like a drunkards tab up on the company I would much rather be up in the room.

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Nesf

Ive just been told we have another works convention an overnight stay again I find myself liking that more and more even though I know them. I dont think its the work during the day that bothers me so much but the big meal around the long table and after the drinks been flowing they get quite rowdy just like a city pub its horrible.

I dont like that environment but you have to be there as its team building so im told more like a drunkards tab up on the company I would much rather be up in the room.

That doesn't sound like my idea of fun, it's the sort of thing I find extremely tiring, just like weddings and other such formal events. Such things are to be endured, not enjoyed. I would stay the shortest time politely possible, and then say you're tired and retire early to your room.

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HalfFull

I can be social but before breaking the ice, I can be very mute. I suppose I'm more social when the other person has made the first move. I can start a party being the one in the corner who doesn't speak at all to finishing it as a complete chatterbox with people I've just met for the first time. That said, I can approach people more easily on Aspie meet ups, but even that can be a real stretch but I have to do it if I happen to be the meet-.up host but once I do its easy from that point on.

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Nesf

I can be social but before breaking the ice, I can be very mute. I suppose I'm more social when the other person has made the first move. I can start a party being the one in the corner who doesn't speak at all to finishing it as a complete chatterbox with people I've just met for the first time. That said, I can approach people more easily on Aspie meet ups, but even that can be a real stretch but I have to do it if I happen to be the meet-.up host but once I do its easy from that point on.

I'm curious to see what an Aspie meet-up would be like. I once met two on the spectrum when I was in Romania and both were of the non-stop talking kind, where as I'm thequiet kind that struggles to make conversation... so all the time they talked non-stop, I wasn't able to join in and felt left out. I suppose that in an Aspie meet-up some would be like that, but others would be quieter and I might be able to talk to those a lot easier.

Edited by Nesf

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spiderwoman0_2

I've been reading all of what everyone's been saying and to me it seems that you all most likely struggle with what to say to people.  Halffull mentioned that he's social if someone breaks the ice first and I think that most of you would probably be able to be social if someone started the conversation first.  Having said that if you're anything like my son he would just answer the question and then just sit there and say nothing until the other person said something else.  I think you all have trouble coming up with things to say and so this makes it difficult for you and so you put off having a social life because you're not sure what you're supposed to do and say.

 

It's a pity you all didn't have me with you in those social situations, I could tell you all what people are on about.

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Nesf

I've been reading all of what everyone's been saying and to me it seems that you all most likely struggle with what to say to people.  Halffull mentioned that he's social if someone breaks the ice first and I think that most of you would probably be able to be social if someone started the conversation first.  Having said that if you're anything like my son he would just answer the question and then just sit there and say nothing until the other person said something else.  I think you all have trouble coming up with things to say and so this makes it difficult for you and so you put off having a social life because you're not sure what you're supposed to do and say.

 

It's a pity you all didn't have me with you in those social situations, I could tell you all what people are on about.

If someone speaks to me, I'll answer them, but I don't initiate conversations easily, I feel I need to have a motive to speak to someone, to ask them an question, or to give me information, I don't speak to someone unless I feel I have something to say. And that's just the problem - I don't feel I have anything to say! I guess I'm like Harrison too, I answer the question, then don't have any more to say, so I wait for another question. I know that I have to say more to continue the conversation but nothing occurs to me! It's so hard!

 

With group conversations, or in the case of the two ASD people I mentioned, I wasn't able to process the conversation fast enough to make any contribution. By the time I've heard it, the meaning registers, I've thought about it and thought of something to say, well, forget it, the conversation has moved on, and my contribution is seen as an interruption and irritation - I can't keep up with the flow of conversation. It reminds me of those foreign films with subtitles which don't match the actors' speech, so they speak and the corresponding subtitle comes a few seconds afterwards! I'm lost in groups, and unless someone speaks to me directly I withdraw into myself.

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spiderwoman0_2

I know it must be difficult to keep up with the conversations, I have the same problem but in a different way, I'm partially deaf in my right ear and I sometimes find it hard to catch what everyone is saying so I only get part of the conversation, so I tend to just smile at them or I drift off into my own world and then chip in if I've heard something.  So for me I'm trying to process the missing bits and you're trying to process the speed at what they talk at.

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Nesf

I know it must be difficult to keep up with the conversations, I have the same problem but in a different way, I'm partially deaf in my right ear and I sometimes find it hard to catch what everyone is saying so I only get part of the conversation, so I tend to just smile at them or I drift off into my own world and then chip in if I've heard something.  So for me I'm trying to process the missing bits and you're trying to process the speed at what they talk at.

Yes, this is hard. My father was deaf in one ear and had this problem, and as a result he was very reluctant to socialise and avoided parties and events where there was a lot of noise. If we wanted to talk to him we always had to talk to him in his good ear.

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Toran

I sit in silence in gatherings if I cant get out of going altogether.

If someone speaks to me then I respond but I usualy end up saying something ridiculess or silly.

Ive tried and tried to be different but it is a waste of energy at least for me.

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Colin

Yah me too being social is hard because we don't pickup on body language or we don't stay on

Topic. I try so hard to fit in but get hurt cause people think I'm strange. I goto a lot of movies on my own or the zoo or book stores. Sexual relationships are hard too I seem to get my heart broken a lot. Colin

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