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Blu-RayDisc321

I dislike explaining things

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Blu-RayDisc321

For example: A few years ago in school, the teacher asked me and perhaps a few others (I can't remember it very well) to do some things on www.mathletics.com.au. When I (eventually) completed the online tasks, I told her "I completed the online thingy that you told me to do". She asked me to be specific. I was confused. At this point, literally twenty minutes ago, she assigned me the task and now she is acting like she does not know what I'm referring to. I said "the online maths thingy that you assigned to me about twenty minutes ago, I completed it". She said "what thing?". I don't remember anything else from that time but I am confused as to why people need specific info to know what you are talking about... I was wondering, this hate of mine of explaining things, is it an Aspie trait? Has anybody else experienced this?? If you have, could you please comment below? 

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Primeape

Some with aspergers can have difficulty explaining things, especially when we are forced to go into detail

the teacher shouldnt of pretended not to know what you were talking about since she was the one that set the task in the first place 

i hate explaining things sometimes too especially if its something that im forced to go into more detail about, it makes me have difficulty putting words together and then i cant say it outloud 

im like you i say to people at the day centre i attend "i done the thing you told me to" but they dont make me go into more detail cause they know what im talking about 

as for the teacher maybe you should say to her that you have difficulty explaining things when you are being forced to, or when its something thats difficult for you to explain :)

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Blu-RayDisc321

@DebzMata08 thanks for the advice but I'm home schooled now so I don't need to tell her.

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Nesf

I don't dislike explaining things, but I often have difficulty explaining things on the spot or under pressure, because a word I need doesn't come on cue and I just blank out, or because I can't get my thoughts ordered in my head before I speak. This happens particularly when I'm anxious. Somehow anxiety blocks or inhibits my cognitive thinking. Sometimes I just don't speak. If I need to explain things, I need to have time in advance to get my thoughts in order and rehearse it. I don't do well under pressure.

I'm not sure whether this is an aspie thing or not, because I think that many neurotypicals also have difficulty with 'chocking', not remembering words, going blank or not performing well under anxiety.

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nikkiDT

I'm a classic over-explainer.  Apparently, I go into way too much detail.  I just want to be sure that people understand me.

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No Longer Here
10 minutes ago, nikkiDT said:

I'm a classic over-explainer.  Apparently, I go into way too much detail.  I just want to be sure that people understand me.

Yep, same here. I never know how much detail to go into and usually end up saying too much

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Gone away
Quote

I'm a classic over-explainer.  Apparently, I go into way too much detail.  I just want to be sure that people understand me.

Me too ... I can just go on and on and on and on .... often the person doesn't show me they are getting the message, hence the tendency to go on and on.

Another reason is I like to understand things from all angles, which mean there are more ways to explain. Also I understand in a very visual way which is hard  to explain / put across in words sometimes. I would be a rubbish teacher ... the students would run screaming with their ears on fire :D.

At the other extreme ... I sometimes just expect / assume people to understand everything I do,  and get frustrated or shocked that they don't understand things that I take for granted.

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RiRi

I dislike explaining things sometimes because I dislike being questioned. When people ask me to go into more detail and explain more, it seems like they aren't believing what I'm saying, which in turn can be annoying. Sometimes I assume other people know what I'm talking about, when they don't, but I mostly do this subconsciously. I can make a comment about something I see, or observe, but the other person might not be on the same page. Sometimes I do try to explain what I'm talking about, but people still don't know what I'm referring to which can be frustrating, as well. When giving explanations, because of accuracy and honesty, I do sometimes give complex answers. When sometimes for some, the answer would be a simple "yes" or "no" or just a word. This can be annoying to some people.

Edited by Makelets
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Nesf
13 hours ago, Going home said:

Me too ... I can just go on and on and on and on .... often the person doesn't show me they are getting the message, hence the tendency to go on and on.

Another reason is I like to understand things from all angles, which mean there are more ways to explain. Also I understand in a very visual way which is hard  to explain / put across in words sometimes. I would be a rubbish teacher ... the students would run screaming with their ears on fire :D.

At the other extreme ... I sometimes just expect / assume people to understand everything I do,  and get frustrated or shocked that they don't understand things that I take for granted.

Yes, I do this too, when the person doesn't show me that they are getting the message. I do tend to overexplain.

I'm a teacher, but I've learned how to explain the things I need to explain, like grammar rules or what words mean. Everything is well rehearsed. It's just another script that I have to learn, It gets better with practice.

Edited by Nesf
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Miss Chief

I get frustrated when people don't get what I am talking about and this can result in me being irritable or snappy. My mum is very illogical and I get really frustrated with her. I feel like I have to explain things that are obvious and shouldn't need explaining. 

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Nesf
35 minutes ago, Miss Chief said:

I get frustrated when people don't get what I am talking about and this can result in me being irritable or snappy.

I have this problem, too, and I hate myself for it :(

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Miss Chief
48 minutes ago, Nesf said:

I have this problem, too, and I hate myself for it :(

Yeah I often feel guilty about getting annoyed at my mum, less so with other people though ;) 

I don't know why but I have the patience of a saint when I am giving tech support, except for my mum and her brother, with my mum it is frustration cause I know she knows how to do something but I solved this by just going to her house to fix whatever is playing up rather than talk her through it, I can't do that with her brother though as he lives like 250 miles away and he is really bad, he once asked me what the start button was (and this was back in Windows XP/Vista days not post 8/10 ;)) the other day he was on the phone to me and I had to explain how to open a browser and how to get to google, I have to confess I was not very nice to him so I don't think he will phone again for a while, my solution with him is to email him instructions ;).

But other than those two people (who being family I am quite comfortable with and therefore more likely to express my frustration) I am really patient and easy going when it comes to tech support.

I tend to get annoyed when I have to explain things that I think people should already know, like the bloody obvious, common sense and like a shopping related thing to a checkout person for example, I mean it's their job they should know! Another example would be when I used to collect medicines from the chemist and they would get confused about what I needed to pick up, this really annoyed me as they had the script! Also it wasn't like I could go to another chemist, the doctors surgery always send the script straight to the chemist so you have to go to that one.

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Nesf
4 minutes ago, Miss Chief said:

Yeah I often feel guilty about getting annoyed at my mum, less so with other people though ;) 

I don't know why but I have the patience of a saint when I am giving tech support, except for my mum and her brother, with my mum it is frustration cause I know she knows how to do something but I solved this by just going to her house to fix whatever is playing up rather than talk her through it, I can't do that with her brother though as he lives like 250 miles away and he is really bad, he once asked me what the start button was (and this was back in Windows XP/Vista days not post 8/10 ;)) the other day he was on the phone to me and I had to explain how to open a browser and how to get to google, I have to confess I was not very nice to him so I don't think he will phone again for a while, my solution with him is to email him instructions ;).

But other than those two people (who being family I am quite comfortable with and therefore more likely to express my frustration) I am really patient and easy going when it comes to tech support.

I tend to get annoyed when I have to explain things that I think people should already know, like the bloody obvious, common sense and like a shopping related thing to a checkout person for example, I mean it's their job they should know! Another example would be when I used to collect medicines from the chemist and they would get confused about what I needed to pick up, this really annoyed me as they had the script! Also it wasn't like I could go to another chemist, the doctors surgery always send the script straight to the chemist so you have to go to that one.

I sometimes get frustrated with my students because they keep making the same mistakes even though I have already corrected them 3 times on the same mistake, or when they just don't get something that's really obvious to me, even after I tried to explain it umpteen times. This is the thing that I hate myself for, because I know that different students have different learning styles and are just kids, I know that I must be patient with them and usually I am, but on occasion I get extremely frustrated and can't control it, and have to apologise.

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Miss Chief

@Nesf yeah, most of the time, back when I was working I would manage to keep my cool, customers weren't usually the problem (obviously you get the odd one who just rubs you the wrong way) but my colleagues could really annoy me, cause I am really good at what I do, I would usually be the person that everyone came to when they were stuck, which is nice of course, but you would get the odd person who would ask you how to do everything or how to do the same thing 5 times a day. I always feel like there is a way to behave at work, you know polite and professional but some people really push your buttons!

When I am explaining something to my mum and she just doesn't get it one of the reasons I get frustrated is because I know it is partly my fault, that if I found, well perhaps not a better but just a different way of explaining it then she would get it easily and even though the way I am explaining it should be OK it is still partly my fault because I can't find this other way of explaining it.

Like you I do apologise if I am in the wrong, I think that can be a really positive thing with children, it teaches them that although we all make mistakes (like getting frustrated) we all also have to take responsibility for those mistakes and apologise, it also shows that you respect them enough to apologise if you have offended them which adults don't always do with children. Of course you feel bad about loosing your cool with children (it is good you feel bad about it... I don't think you would be a very nice person if it didn't bother you and you're lovely ;)) but at least you are nice enough to say sorry and not hold a grudge :D 

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antago

I don't mind explaining myself if it is appreciated well, because I am a poet, psychologist, & philosopher. People tend to be playing games, however—rather than actually exploring language with one another—and when you "mess up" they treat you like Satan. It's part of the paradigm they live in of exploiting language, looks, strength, possessions, etc. to "get ahead of others"—and the indoctrination into this faux reality is pretty broad since the strategy of predatory power & conquest has brainwashed people very, very well into worshipping governments, churches, etc.—and the "sheep" must follow suit. You're better off not explaining yourself sometimes because they literally aren't always worth it despite the whole "we're all equal woooo claim", and it's pathetic when these accusers (a lot of people) want you to point out the obvious as if their responsibility to keep track of reality belongs to you; if you were to "over talk", these same people would most likely tell you to quit, or glaze off rather than join in.

I think of language like dancing; but a lot of people in today's societies are insecure with their bodies, their words, their feelings, their thoughts, their identities, and don't want you explaining yourself—and if you do, they use it against you out of insecurity—even though we're entering into a breakthrough information era where we all have to step up … I think we're all obligated to have deep profound conversations with one another to counteract the forces of predatory power, yet most people enjoy the lazy relaxation of silence & enjoying the moment to a wholly selfish extent. It makes them feel good, and they convince themselves it's success. That is my experience

Edited by antago
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Blu-RayDisc321

@antago My experience is similar.

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Heather

I am not so great with explaining things either. Like @Nesf explained, at least part of it is if I am asked to explain something on the spot, and not being to pull up the right words in my head to explain myself.  

I also think sometimes I over explain things to people because I don't want them to get the wrong idea. I think that's one reason why conversation can get overwhelming.  If I need to tell someone something, sometimes I feel it is connected to so many other things that I need to explain in addition.  Although it's best when I have time to plan what I'm going to say because I can make it clearer.  I think part of my dislike of explaining things is due to my anxiety and ongoing fear of what others will think of me if I explain something a certain way.  And also, another reason for dislike of explaining things is if I feel like I have told the person a number of times already.

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Blu-RayDisc321

@squeeker Same.

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Gone away

It is hard to explain things to people you don't feel you are connecting with

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Blu-RayDisc321

@Going home Same.

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PandaPrincess

I get very frustrated when I'm explaining something too.  A lot of times, it is just too hard to put something into words, and it especially frustrates me and makes me overwhelmed when someone asks me several questions at once.  My mom does this a lot <_<.

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Blu-RayDisc321

@PandaPrincess Thank you for your comment.

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antago

I've explained myself to people before, and they simply said nothing back—or responded with something like, "Well if you don't like it, then fix it." I then barfed up explanations because I was trying to establish a bond with them, and they just let me go on and on and on, and then said, "You're mentally unstable." Or something.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with language; but we live in a realm of superficiality. That is how power is amassed. They control language & clothing, and society is withered with an infrastructure of people who want to get in on the action. So, if you are generous with your words or do the right thing, they'll actually strike it rich off outcasting you to mirror the corporate & governmental predatory "social codes of conduct" that were invented & hoarded upon the people.

It's not anything logical; it's literally just a game of power. Really, you have to be careful—because it's unexpected, it happens everywhere, and it's like being outcasted because you "wore the wrong headband that was stupid today". People nitpick & scrutinize, dissect—and a lot of times they're actually WAITING for you to mess up behind a big smile, even if they're pretending they want the world from you & you've known them for a time. That is what I found.

I've also had a lot of people perpetually disagree with the first thing I say, and completely emotionally devalidate me to "make me explain myself". Then, I explain myself or keep explaining myself and in time it's clear it's a pattern of someone trying to groom me through "little victories of trust"—as if universal justice is personal. Then, you wind up with the emotional predators/hijackers who, like pedophiles, groom you to be controlled; you're always assumed guilty, unclear, selfish, or ridiculous until proven innocent. If you establish a bond with this person, they are controlling you—and are attempting to get you to show your soul without your consent. That is, in your time of need to be heard, they pretend like "they never understand", or "it's unclear", or "that doesn't make any sense" when it is obviously appropriate for them to reciprocate approval or validation; out of pain, you reveal an enormous amount of information because you feel even more hurt & devalidated by their response. Then, they "comfort you" with a "oh yea, okay I get it now! Right! You're right!" So it's a roller coaster of pain/pleasure rather than a simple empowerment and you find yourself feeling exhausted, over explained, and never wanting to open up to anyone else … Stuck in an addictive cycle.

So, yea, when people ask me to explain myself, or pretend like they don't know what I'm talking about—sometimes I want to slam their head into a desk, especially since people with autism are, historically, an over-exploited group for their disability. Whether it's someone abusing power to disconnect from reality on your turf, because they know you'll explain yourself—or something else—I am really fed up with the games. Power doesn't mean right.

Edited by antago
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Myrtonos

Has anyone found themself, say, having to explain that a equals c to someone who knows that a equals b and knows that b equals c?

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