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CCninja86

Share your social tips/workaround

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CCninja86

I'll start:

I've developed a few social workarounds, some unintentionally and simply a result of adaptation. One of them is using group meetings as a means of talking to people without being as nervous, and getting an online contact where I can talk to them online where I'm more comfortable. In terms of unintentional adaptation, I've noticed that sometimes in a conversation with someone, without either of us realising, I will manage to learn information about the person without even intentionally steering the conversation in that direction or asking that question. Something unrelated simply pops up during the conversation, my brain automatically detects a possible link, and deduces the information. As an example, I was just chatting and posting stuff with a friend, and without even asking or realising, I learnt his sign and favourite colour as a byproduct of something entirely unrelated. When I told him that, and he realised, his response was simply "haha well done".

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aspieguy

I'm terrible with gathering background information from people without asking questions directly.

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Harrow

I don't really know if it can be classified as a work around. But when I'm in a social situation I always try too have one person with me that I know well and then let them do most of the talking till I feel more comfortable. Or I keep my talking very short and let the other person talk as much as possible, I do this by asking a lot of questions.

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Whoknows

I once deduced that one of my friends was afraid of death, yet she claimed she wasn't, so I don't know for real.

If there's something I can I tell from people, is from knowing them over 20 years. You can tell why they are who they are, through their actions, and comparing them to what they say.

That's how I found out why two of my cousins became so distant to my aunt (and it's her fault). I always thought it had something to do with their rebellious attitude, but it was due to my aunt's fanatism for religion (adding to the cocktail that she's sexist), that made her fight against them. She believes that people must have a guide, for they became possessed by the devil if they don't, and she never liked people with different opinions than hers (yup, that's selfish and creepy).

The irony is that I found this out, just because I was once helping her with her plants, and she asked me if I believed in God. I said: "No, I believe in myself." After that, the rest is history. Putting it simple, think of yourselves trapped in a court of the Inquisition or in a public execution, for writing poetry or studying medicine (in the Middle Ages).

Adding insult to the injury, that same person (who treated me the same way she treated her children) lent her bible to my mother. I came across it and opened it. Here's the other irony:

When we fought, she shouted at me that only priests have the right to interpret the "word of God" or the Bible, but her own Bible was filled to the brim with annotations and interpretations made by herself. Putting more salt on the wound (her contradiction), that was no "Vatican Bible"; it was a People's Bible (with pictures and all kinds of representations of the Civil Rights Movements and the Fight for Human Rights and freedom of expression), whereas most bibles or religious books only feature representations of their passages.

That was weird. :mellow:

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Not sure if this helps you as a workaround when knowing people, but it might help in telling whether they keep their word or not (or in telling if it's a good idea to be around them).

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Nesf
12 hours ago, Eadric said:

I don't really know if it can be classified as a work around. But when I'm in a social situation I always try too have one person with me that I know well and then let them do most of the talking till I feel more comfortable. Or I keep my talking very short and let the other person talk as much as possible, I do this by asking a lot of questions.

Yes, I do this, too. I don't ask a lot of questions, though, because I don't know what to ask. I rely a lot on the other person to keep the conversation going, which isn't good.

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Little Guy
6 hours ago, Nesf said:

Yes, I do this, too. I don't ask a lot of questions, though, because I don't know what to ask. I rely a lot on the other person to keep the conversation going, which isn't good.

I even find out more about my wife is doing when I am listening to her talk to others. I once that I was "lazy" or "don't care" but I realize I just become impossibly tongue-tied because most people are completely opaque to me.

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