Jump to content
Echo

What would you do in this kind of situation?

Recommended Posts

Echo

What would you do in this kind of situation?

I have an Aspie friend, not sure that I should call him that anymore, (aquanintence would be more appropriate now maybe?) who has said quite upsetting things to me recently. He, although I don't think he knows he does this, is very manipulating, controlling and opinionated. It doesn't matter to me either way whether this is intentional or not because even when he's joking, he tends to base these on the way he sees the world, his opinions, his truth; skewed. There's nothing I can say to change his mind, not that I want to or can change anybody.

He goes to the same places as I do, shares some of the same friends and tries to contact me every day.

At the moment I'm distancing myself from this person, avoiding as much contact as I can. The things that he does/says, sticks in my mind and I can't metaphorically "shake" or "brush off" his comments (whether said as a joke or seriously) as they are demeaning/belittling and are taking a detrimental effect on my mental health.

I have observed that he does this more often to me when in the company of others...in hopes of making himself look more appealing to others by comparison? Why? IDK. He has done this to another friend of mine too, she has stopped contact and he has since moved his focus on to me.

When we are alone he talks about himself constantly and how much of a victim he is...how bad things are for him, dismissing any advice given to rectify his problems etc...a repetitive loop of the same thing over and over again and although I spend a massive amount of time listening to him, he disregards my attempts to confide in him. It's never reciprocal. He turns everything back to himself in seconds and of course, his problems are worse and achievements are better etc...

I'm trying to keep this as general as possible and haven't really included half of what I really want to say here, but there is a little more to it than this, maybe I will disclose more in the near future.             

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nesf

I once had a situation a while ago where my friend's brother was bugging me, and sending me strange messages that were creepy and making me feel ill at ease, so I wrote a very direct text message to him to tell him that his messages were inappropriate and why, and that seemed to work. You could try that, be direct and open to him about it, the affect it has on other people, and tell him that it has to stop.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gone away

He seriously needs to 'get over himself'. As you point out he's stuck in a loop and dragging you in - He needs to (get his head out his arse) start looking for neutral positives as a new baseline. I doubt he's enjoying it - but he needs to consider how he's effecting others. Its concerning that his comments are 'sticking' - this suggests he need to be challenged and some mental distance is required between you. Good luck, its not nice when people get under your skin - try not to overvalue what he is to you - if he is 'doing your head in' maybe just tell him and explain your need for space ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Peridot

I'm actually in a similar situation. I've kept my "friend" at arm's length for over a month now. Reason being he acts like a delusional narcissist and it's upsetting. Maybe I should do what Nesf said and just call him out and see how he reacts. I saw this episode of Dr. Phil where he said that delusional people retreat in their minds or something and get all coy when confronted with their smugness which actually kind of sounds like something my "friend" would do.

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Peridot

lol Weekend's coming up and I just might get a phone call from my "buddy". :unsure: Not sure yet what I'm going to say when he asks "Do you feel like hanging out tonight?". LOL He's so confusing. Almost like a Jekyll and Hyde type person! Which they say is the way narcissists are... It's creepy. Maybe I'll actually ask help from a psychologist. It's almost come to that. Seriously.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RiRi

@Echo Sorry to hear about your situation. I think telling him sounds like a good idea. He should realize that his behavior is affecting people. At this rate, it seems like he'll end up having no friends, so maybe you'd also be helping him when you tell him. Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.