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TheDefended

People making money off gifts you've given.

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TheDefended

I've got a friend whose birthday was a couple of months ago. On that day I went around to his house and gave him a gift he said he would make use of. Instead, recently he's rubbed it in my face that he's sold the gift on ebay. He had the audacity to sell the gift and then to brag about it. He sold the item for £55. I am not expecting money but I am expecting him to not sell it or return it. I dislike the immortality of him selling a gift he never used and bragging to my face about the profit he's gained through my gift. 

It sounds petty but I believe that if you give a gift, the other person should respect the gift. I wouldn't have even minded if I didn't know. "What you don't know can't hurt you." but I genuinly feel betrayed.

How should I handle this issue? It's bringing me to the brink of a meltdown.

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Harrow

I agree with you that him selling the gift was a pretty horrible thing to do. But also what can you do, nothing, except next time you give him a gift don't waste money on it or even better don't give him one at all. 

So just chalk it up to experiance. He didn't care about the gift so don't be fooled next time. 

Sorry it's not the best advice but I think it's all you can do in the situation. 

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TheDefended
23 minutes ago, Eadric said:

Sorry it's not the best advice but I think it's all you can do in the situation. 

It's ok, I appreciate any input. :) I am a person who rather hates conflicts so challenging the issue would be somewhat complex.

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Gone away

I've certainly given much thought to gifts which have ended up not being appreciated / valued by the recipient. Sometimes our efforts are misplaced or errors of judgement.

Its just life ... what we think someone may like and what the person themselves may like can be very different and constantly variable.

Looking on the bright side you've given him the opportunity to make £55 ... I'd say that translates to a good gift

However I think @Eadric reply says it all really.

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TheDefended
4 minutes ago, Going home said:

Looking on the bright side you've given him the opportunity to make £55 ... I'd say that translates to a good gift

I gave the gift for the reason of him using it and enjoying it. Thought went into it. It was an item I had for years and had sentimental value for. I gave it him because at the time I had respect for him and it was along the lines of something he needed. But this was the last thing I had expected. I understand that he's the owner of that item and could do as he wishes with it but I have to say it's morally wrong to just sell something a friend gave you.

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RiRi

@TheDefended Maybe it affected you more because the gift had sentimental value and so you expected he'd take care of it more instead of just giving it away/selling it? I'm sorry that this happened to you.

I have been in the position where I gave away/let someone borrow a gift. The reason why I did that was because I wasn't making any use of it, so I felt bad and wanted someone else to make use of it since I wasn't, but I was reminded by the person who gave me the gift that gifts shouldn't be given away. I felt really bad about it and didn't realize until I was told. I try to be more careful with gifts nowadays because I had another incident with a gift too the other day. Maybe you should let this person know how much it affected you and what the gift meant to you. It might make you feel better and surely, it might give this person something to think about if they do accept that it's morally wrong. You can say you don't expect to get it back, but just know that it seems like he didn't appreciate the gift. Maybe in the future he'll think twice what to do with gifts?

I agree with @Eadric that it looks like he didn't appreciate it so maybe next time around it'd be best not to give them anything or if you want to give them something, just money, nothing that means a lot to you. I agree that it's morally wrong to give a gift away. 

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antago

First off, I hate when this happens and I most certainly won't value the friendship after it.

This reminds me of something I did once, however, and there is an excuse. Let me use this as a confessional even though it is not the same situation.

I gave a friend a painting once and she ran out and bought me an iPad mini for $350, money she claims she didn't have. The problem was that she was building a life with kids and dating new men, etc. With Aspergers I was alone and from an abusive family, she agreed to work on a cartoon with me. So, I was relying on her for the success of my dreams and my future. I put tons of money into the cartoon, and I was recently unemployed, struggling. She had backed off on helping with the cartoon and I felt abandoned and frustrated. However, I was grateful so I made her a beautiful painting; it is truly a masterpiece.

I already had an iPad and I claimed I thought the iPad Mini was a great new invention because I like things being handheld without being too small.

Now, why a woman who agreed to help with my cartoon which I was dependent on for hope and joy in life who claims she had no money and was struggling would go out and buy me an iPad Mini when I already had an iPad & an iPhone from my last job before I went freelance—I have no idea.

In fact, I felt her gift was indulgent & reckless. She kept dragging me along and failing to show up for the cartoon meetings to help. I made a deal to get some writing consultation since she claimed she was so busy, and I needed to get on with my life—so I traded the iPad Mini to help with what I considered was our cartoon.

She was secretly so offended and wouldn't admit to. The truth is, I don't care. She cared more about herself and superficial gifts; I didn't even want her to give me anything in return for the painting. Helping the cartoon was what I needed. She was sabotaging my life. I already had an iPad. The iPad Mini helped get some writing for the show and that was supposed to help her. She kept dragging the project along and never helped again.

Quite frankly her gift, to me, wasn't even a gift; seemed like her trying to one up my painting without actually giving me something truly thoughtful. She knew I was putting all my money into the cartoon; she should have invested money into the cartoon. I eventually had to like remake the entire cartoon series without her.

Good riddance.

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Nesf

I know that sometimes people exchange gifts or return them because they were the wrong size, wrong colour etc, and to me, that is perfectly acceptable, but to sell the gift and then brag about a gift that had sentimental value for the giver is insensitive. There are two things you could do, you could either not give him any more gifts, or give a gift that cannot be sold easily online, such as a gift certificate, or an experience. I would also tell him how you feel, clear the air and don't let it fester. Send him a message to tell him how you feel, and why. Also, I would avoid giving people things that have sentimental value for you, because that item likely won't have the same sentimental value to the other person, and you don't know how they will treat it.

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Heather

I think the worst thing the person did was rub it in your face how much they got for it. They probably didn't realize the sentimentality behind the gift.  Some people do not feel as sentimental about gifts and this person who sold your gift maybe just wants money. I think the idea to next time give them a gift card or even simply cash in a card, because they can buy what they want and you don't feel bad about your gift not treated nicely.

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Chlillis

Speaking from the opposite boat, I'm ok with people selling gifts, mainly if they don't use them. I mean because someones given me something, doesn't make me obliged to use it if it turns out not to be my cup of tea, then if you have something that isn't of use, you can give to something, ie sell it, give it to another friend or family member, charity, etc. For example, I remember one time my friend gave me a shirt that was more to his taste, and far from mine, in the end I never wore it and quite some time later, I ended up having to sell it because my parents kept asking me if I'm going to wear it or not.

Bragging about it however isn't right. If I was in his shoes selling your gift, maybe I'm a terrible friend but I honestly may not even mention it, but if I were to I would be apologetic and still thankful because you have put in the time and resource for me, which I am always very grateful for. In the case of my example I did end up apologising because I was asked what happened to it.

Maybe this has happened a lot in your friend's family and is just a norm to him, so talking about it with you didn't seem a bad thing to him. I think if you let him know, without being too confrontational, that he hurt your feelings a bit then he may learn to be a bit more respectful next time. Otherwise don't waste your time on him next time as previously suggested. 

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