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Roxy

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Roxy

I'm found going to bars is a good way to practise social skills, bar staff are mostly friendly and paid to be nice/interested in you to make you feel welcome, so unless you get some really bitchy/cold person (why are they working behind a bar anyway!?) then I think it's a good way for us Aspies to be able to practise our social skills. Also they probably know everyone so it is a good way to make friends in a new people.

 

Just a tip for other Aspies.. I know how intimidating it can be walking into a bar full of people you feel like everyone is looking ! but maybe go there earlier when it's quiet? 

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Nesf

I agree that it can be a good place to meet people if the bar is quiet enough, but not something I would do myself - I find that bars tend to be crowded, noisy and filled with tobacco smoke which I can't stand. I have difficulty hearing what someone is saying over background noise and following a conversation when there are so many people around and other conversations nearby or loud music. I tend to stop trying to follow the conversation and tune out, get bored and go home.

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Roxy
On 10/26/2016 at 8:43 AM, Nesf said:

I agree that it can be a good place to meet people if the bar is quiet enough, but not something I would do myself - I find that bars tend to be crowded, noisy and filled with tobacco smoke which I can't stand. I have difficulty hearing what someone is saying over background noise and following a conversation when there are so many people around and other conversations nearby or loud music. I tend to stop trying to follow the conversation and tune out, get bored and go home.

Don't you find it is good to people walk though? to see how NT's who are socially adept manage to excel, approach people etc? 

I would never dream of going up to a stranger I don't know and start speaking to them, I'd rather have no friends.. but that's just me as I hate the situation that much.

Worst thing is going to a bar that is really quiet on you're own as you will stand out more, where is if a place is full of music everyone mingling with everyone it doesn't look so bad.. 

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Nesf
37 minutes ago, Roxy said:

Don't you find it is good to people walk though? to see how NT's who are socially adept manage to excel, approach people etc?

Do you mean people watch? I agree that it's a good place to watch people and observe how they interact, but it can be quite a difficult place to socialise in because of all the background noise and distractions.

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Harrow

I agree bars are a good place to see how NT's work and meet people. But they aren't for everyone and they don't always workout. I used to go to a bar where I lived nearly every night (I was already friends with the bartender) and eventually I got to know everyone their quite well. But there lies the problem I didn't really fit in with any of them, even though I knew them and may of considered them friends I didn't necessarily like them all that much or got on with them that much. Bars attract outgoing people and I don't fit in with that crowed and I think a lot of Aspies wont either

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collectingrocks

I went through a period of trying this and got dirty looks because people thought I was staring at them. They didn't understand that the reason I watched them was to observe and learn non-verbal body language. 

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StormCrow

If I go to a bar, I'd be the one sitting in the corner slowly drinking my ale watching the scene.

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Little Guy

I went to bars to be liked and ended up alcoholic .. so not a good choice for some of us.:(

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lifeis
2 hours ago, Little Guy said:

I went to bars to be liked and ended up alcoholic .. so not a good choice for some of us.:(

i can understand how easy it is to become dependent. I sometimes prefer life without all the constant worry I feel and alcohol takes that away. However i've experienced the damage alcoholism can do from childhood so i keep my drinking in check (mostly). I feel like it would be very hypocritical of me to say it'll never happen to me though as I became quite dependant a few years back and couldn't get through the day without a drink (thankfully the dependence didn't last due to it being more of a way to cope with events at the time rather than a physical dependence).

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Gone away

The addiction side creeps up from under our awareness radar ... its all very subtle. I suspect once someone realises they are addicted its happened already. I use carefully controlled amounts, but wish I didn't.

I looked into the subject some years back and was disturbed to discover that terminal  liver damage can occur without stereotypical alcoholism. Around the 15 year mark of moderate but regular use seemed to be the point, though the research sources didn't appear to factor in diet and lifestyle. 

What I learned is (apart from controlling and monitoring intake within prescribed safe limits) it is essential to have periods of complete abstinence to allow the liver to heal/regenerate. Also, apart from our own genetics and immune system health, poor diet can seriously damage the liver. The liver is an amazing organ and works hard 24/7. Symtoms of damage only appear after its happened. It deserves the odd holiday

Edited by Going home

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