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Roxy

People Constantly Staring At Me In Public And Laughing? Treating Me Like 2nd Class Citizen..

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Roxy

Why do you think this is? people say I don't look like I have Aspergers but for example, when I'm in a public place, like a bar or restaurant.. I always seem to stand out.

I see staff constantly looking at me and laughing at each other, which I find mean.. maybe that is just me paranoid though? as I'm use to getting bullied and being treated like a 2nd class citizen my whole life because I have Aspergers.. like my opinion and voice is less important because I have Aspergers, is how others have made me feel :( 

Anyone else get this a lot? 

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Roxy

I try and not let it bother me but it does ! and if I was a stereotypical person with Aspergers I wouldn't care what people thought of me.. so that's totally wrong ! if anything I feel a lot more emotion than other people, can read them really better than most NT's and I'm more caring/nice/sympathetic I'd never laugh at someone else like some NT's do.. it's nasty and cruel.

I think I have the same problem Willow said in one of her videos, I seem to mumble and people don't seem to understand my voice or what I'm saying.. it's so frustrating ! 

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lifeis
3 hours ago, Roxy said:

Why do you think this is? people say I don't look like I have Aspergers but for example, when I'm in a public place, like a bar or restaurant.. I always seem to stand out.

I see staff constantly looking at me and laughing at each other, which I find mean.. maybe that is just me paranoid though? as I'm use to getting bullied and being treated like a 2nd class citizen my whole life because I have Aspergers.. like my opinion and voice is less important because I have Aspergers, is how others have made me feel :( 

Anyone else get this a lot? 

people laugh and gossip for all sorts of reasons, I'm paranoid as f*ck as well but if everyone is talking about me then I suppose I'm a celebrity?.

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Nesf

First of all, I don't think that there is a particular way that people with Asperger's look and you can't tell just by looking at someone that they have Asperger's. Also, if one has been bullied and teased a lot in one's life, a tendency develops to become extremely self-conscious and assume that if someone is laughing, it must be about them, when in reality that is rarely the case. Those people laughing are probably not laughing at you, and probably aren't looking at you... unless you are wearing really unusual clothes or doing something to attract attention, it is unlikely that you are the focus of their attention.

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Gone away
10 hours ago, Roxy said:

I see staff constantly looking at me and laughing at each other, which I find mean

Staff have to look at everyone to keep an eye on things and will naturally look more at people who appear a little different. Staff will laugh at the most unimaginably mundane stuff and its possible they may not be laughing at you even if it appears they are. Equally you may be right.  @Nesf makes a good point. Its true that if you have been treated badly you tend to look for signs its happening again to pre-empt it. Trouble is, perception wise it can be a self fulfilling prophesy ... bit like the law of attraction thing.

I think what with the hyperfocusing and specialised interest thing we need to be very careful / selective what we get into perception wise, as it can take a while to shift focus. 

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Roxy
56 minutes ago, Going home said:

Staff have to look at everyone to keep an eye on things and will naturally look more at people who appear a little different. Staff will laugh at the most unimaginably mundane stuff and its possible they may not be laughing at you even if it appears they are. Equally you may be right.  @Nesf makes a good point. Its true that if you have been treated badly you tend to look for signs its happening again to pre-empt it. Trouble is, perception wise it can be a self fulfilling prophesy ... bit like the law of attraction thing.

I think what with the hyperfocusing and specialised interest thing we need to be very careful / selective what we get into perception wise, as it can take a while to shift focus. 

I dunno, like for example I don't drink so going into a bar where I live (it's a village bar like Emmerdale where everyone knows everyone) and ordering a coke as I don't drink, and then seeing the staff looking at me, laughing and talking afterwards does make me feel super self-conscious and paranoid like they are laughing/joking about me not drinking and being different.. 

I think I'm extremely good at reading people, most people are amazed at how well I'm good at judging people at just meeting them.. so I feel like in many cases the sixth sense of people with Aspergers is "kicked up" to help compensate for our social differences. 

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Gone away

@Roxy I agree that we probably notice too much ... you may be right or not regarding what amuses them.. Without asking them there's no way of knowing and in a small community its too easy to get an undeserved reputation if your queries went wrong or if you got upset. 

I guess you could just sit at the bar with your coke, then you'd hear whats said and learn more about them ... It would also give them a chance to see close up that you are OK.

It never ceases to amaze me the things that some people get excited / giddy about ... it may be something completely unrelated to you ... or it may be something petty. I've had people (strangers) openly laugh separately at my pants (Ron Hill) and my trainers (Tesco) before. I felt they were just idiots / fashion dummies. Laughing at my dress sense is not the same at laughing at me. Clothes are just things and I'm more curious than upset if people mock them. 

I do get that its irritating not being sure of the source of their amusement. Considering that its often aspies who get tarred with the not noticing subtle expressions etc. its surprising that all to often some people behave in a way they seem to think is completely invisible.

I think its important not to be intimidated, but stay comfortable in your own skin and with your sense of self.

Edited by Going home

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RiRi

@Roxy As an aspie, I can relate to what you're going through. Whenever I go out, I also feel like all eyes are on me. I don't think it's being paranoid, to be honest, I feel like it's the truth because whenever I stare back at them, they are looking right at me. I'm not sure why this is. I feel like everywhere I go, I stand out. Maybe it's my face, that I look sad/mad, but I'm really not. (I mostly often get commented on how I look sad/mad). To be honest, I try to remain the most still and people still somehow manage to look at me, everywhere I go. I wish I found an explanation to it. (I've read the comments here and maybe it is that we notice too much, but I feel like there must be an even better explanation for it). Oh, but one thing I have noticed is that ALL/if not all, majority of the people (I'm guessing they're NTs), but majority seem to be "nosy" or want to stare at people. I don't know why this is, but they just do. It's like something they do without thinking. I don't think this is the case for aspies. I think aspies look down/look away instead of making sure they see everyone.

I also have the same issue regarding the voice. On the phone, people say that they can't hear me. I literally have to raise my voice so they can hear me. I think even in person this happens as well. It really sucks

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Harrow

I'm only on the spectrum mildly at least according to my physiologist and sometimes I'm more NT then Aspie or at least I feel that way. So from an NT perspective people stare at each other. I've noticed I do it a bit, not as much as an NT but I do look at people when I'm out and about and I don't mean anything by it I'm not judging the person or half the time thinking about them really I just look at them. And I know I do and I act slightly differently then everyone else and that also draws people's attention. But still it doesn't mean anything people look and then will never see you again.

Also looking is a form of confidence, if I like someone I'll try look directly at them and make eye contact show I'm interested and most NT's do that. But the same thing happens we look at each other for 2 seconds and move on and never think about it again. 

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collectingrocks

Hi Roxy

I spent years of my life wondering why people stared at me, gossiped and laughed behind my back; I clearly had no clue. I did not have any friends and didn't understand why. And this was before I had ever heard of Aspergers. This used to make me so self-conscious and paranoid and I lost all confidence. And alluding to another post of yours, I felt that I did not fit into this world, this world really did not want me and I did actually try to end it all (and failed).

I went through a period of not caring any more and I gave up all hope of trying to fit in. I just acted myself and to hell with it all. But I knew deep down I was only kidding myself and I really did care. Then I went through the next cycle of keeping up appearances and being over-confident and tried to smile at people in order to be friendly. I did not understand why people did not smile back and gave me dirty looks instead. I just assumed I had an ugly face.   

 

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