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Harrow

Settling for someone

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Harrow

I don't know how to start this except with I'm an idiot. 

As I've mentioned else where on this forum I'm in a sort of semi relationship. That I stated. The problem is it's not what I want and I know that's not fair and it isn't long term in anycase. But should I settle. Yeah its nice someone to care for and spend time together. But that shouldn't be all right? I've met 3 girls in my life only one of which I dated that where just like 'wow' if you know what I mean and I keep thinking of them. And that's what I want. That feeling. 

Is that wrong? Or am I the above mentioned idiot. 

So should one settle and be grateful for what they have or can one look for true love.? 

I know I should feel happy for what I have but I just feel lonely. 

P. S I do want to apologies for my inconsistent posting lately, my minds just been all over the place 

 

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Eliza
1 hour ago, Harrow said:

I dated that where just like 'wow' if you know what I mean and I keep thinking of them. And that's what I want. That feeling. 

I think it's awesome how honest you are with yourself (a sign you are NOT an 'idiot') As long as she understands it's a short term relationship too, enjoy it while it lasts. :D

1 hour ago, Harrow said:

P. S I do want to apologies for my inconsistent posting lately, my minds just been all over the place 

Nothing to apologize for--sounds like a typical day for me. :)

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Heather

I think it is important to be honest with yourself and anyone you date, whether you see yourself to be long term or not with them.  

While passion is important, I will say that over time passion and excitement might fade, not entirely or forever but things get comfortable. It doesn't mean you are settling if that is the case.  Just try and be honest with yourself what you like about the person, what you don't like about them, can you be happy living with them, does it work for you.  You shouldn't force yourself to stay in a relationship that you are miserable in. But at the same time, I don't know your story, and I do know that sometimes people might be scared of commitment with someone because they keep seeking the new exciting things and relationships are typically not all constant excitement.

Although be honest with yourself and with anyone you date so that if you don't think it is long term, then they don't have to waste their time if they are looking for something long term.  I can't really help but I think it is good if you are honest with yourself, if you are doubting your relationship, maybe it is not the right one for you.. and it is better to be single and able to meet someone who is the right one for you rather than stuck with someone who is not right for you.  Good luck with your decisions and no worries about inconsistent postings, I do it all the time where I disappear for a bit because real life gets busy, etc.

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Paul
8 hours ago, Harrow said:

I know I should...should I settle.

There is nothing wrong with casual dating. You want to settle with someone you want to be with. There was a song: They say that breaking up is hard to do. Now I know, I know that  it's true.

 

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Eliza
9 hours ago, squeeker said:

You shouldn't force yourself to stay in a relationship that you are miserable in.

I agree, it's better to be alone than miserable.

16 hours ago, Harrow said:

So should one settle and be grateful for what they have or can one look for true love.? 

I know I should feel happy for what I have but I just feel lonely. 

 

Sorry, I missed this key point earlier. Being with someone and still feeling lonely doesn't sound fun. Of cousre you deserve 'true love', but it sounds like you know this is a temporary fling. Stay for awhile, or break it off; what choice will give you more inner peace?

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Harrow

It's only short term, because I'm leaving the country on the 27th and I won't be back for two years. Which she knows. 

I just feel guilty a lot. 

But thanks @Eliza, @Pauland @squeeker

 

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RiRi

@Harrow I would say it's really hard to say. I think on the one hand, if you settle, you would know you had found yourself a decent person to be with for the rest of your life, or until life permits it. However, if you do this, you would be left wondering whether there is or was someone better out there.

On the other hand, if you don't settle, you might one day find "the one" but at the same time, you might not. A "wow" person, someone you have never dated or lived with for more than a couple of years, I believe is someone whom you might not have known if it's really a wow person or not. In other words, I believe our minds sometimes create a "perfect" person in our heads, but we might not really know if it's true. I've always thought that fantasy is better than reality, that's why it's called fantasy. Also, you don't know if this wow person corresponds you. 

In this case though, I think it's best to break off the relationship before leaving and stay as friends. I think long distance relationships can be hard to work. But, if you are meant to and up together, I think you guys will become a couple again. I think only time will tell. Good luck, nevertheless. 

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Harrow

Thanks @MAKELETS

I get what your saying but to me a girl like Sam was a wow girl and yeah it didn't go well my fault. But I would of settled and been happy. 

But the girl I'm with now we're not going see each other long distance it will end. 

I was explaining to my friend earlier love for me is, wanting to be with them all the time, missing them when they're away from you. Been amazed at all the small things about them (like Sam used to play with her hair a lot, which I loved and noticed) or I liked writing her poems because I really wanted too. Or waking up early just to cook her breakfast. Things like that. 

Things I miss. 

But yeah. Thanks guys for all the help :)

 

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Harrow

I just realized. I never said who Sam was. She was someone I dated a few years ago. Hope that helps

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RiRi

@Harrow Maybe when you're ready to settle, you will settle. Regardless of whether she is a wow girl or not. Maybe a few years ago you weren't ready. 

And no problem, glad to help. :)

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Whoknows

True love. Don't settle for less. :)

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