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Ted

Asperger and teen development

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Ted

I'm currently deeply in love with a woman who is raising a 15yr old asperger boy. He is a wonderful child and is very polite and very intelligent along with high functioning. His mother wants me to take on a father role because we live together and one day will be married. We have only been together for 3 months but I want to live the rest of my life with her. She is a wonderful mom and currently has him enrolled in a private school for children with special needs. He is 15, however acts more like a 7 year old. He doesn't have any friends, never goes outside, and only likes video games, cartoons, and Pokémon stuffed animals. I believe his mother is not preparing him for real life. This scares me because I feel as if he will be living with us forever. I know that this may sound shallow...but I need advice. I am 39yrs old with a grown daughter who is going to college and I know he is capable of having a productive an fruitful independent life if he is groomed and prepared for it..what should I do?

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Little Guy
On 12/23/2016 at 2:26 PM, Ted said:

I know he is capable of having a productive an fruitful independent life if he is groomed and prepared for it.

Don't groom him. Don't try to change him. You are not qualified.:angry:
You can try to be his friend but that may be difficult for you if all you see is someone who should be more normal.
People with Asperger's march to a different drummer but you may not even be able to hear the music.
A family therapist might be a start for you and your intended but only if the therapist is experienced working with Autistic/Asperger's children. Once you and your intended feel grounded in your relationship the the Therapist can help you understand how to approach the boy.

On 12/23/2016 at 2:26 PM, Ted said:

He doesn't have any friends, never goes outside, and only likes video games, cartoons, and Pokémon stuffed animals.

This is not unusual for children with Asperger's. This makes them feel safe. They are coping mechanisms not escapes.

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HalfFull

If you stay in the relationship, you can try to gently support and advise him, but as LittleGuy suggests in more of a friendship way.

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