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Eliza

Rejection and/or Exclusion

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Eliza

Rejection and exclusion seem to be a part of most aspie lives.

How do you keep a sense of self-worth when this happens?

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Gone away

I usually get my sense of worth by doing. It is a problem when I hit a burn out though. I'm glad there are a couple of people in my life as I'm not sure I would manage as well alone

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Nesf

When I was younger and before I was diagnosed, it really bothered me that I was excluded/rejected/ostracized, or that I was in some way singled out, mainly because I didn't understand why this was happening. Then, I coped by withdrawing into my shell and doing my own thing, or just talking to people who were 'safe.' Now, if this happens, I think to myself that I don't need these people anyway and if they are rejecting me, they are not my friends, and do I really want to hang out with a group of pseudo-friends with whom I probably won't feel at ease with and who don't really accept me for who I am? They are not worth troubling myself over.

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DavidTheWitch

NT domination is the other thing which constantly happen aas 90% of NTs feel they are smarter then us. I hear a similar thing happens with blacks. When they stand up for themselves they get called crazy! 

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PandaPrincess

I still feel bad about rejection, but I know that there are a few people who care, and that makes me feel a bit better.  

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Peridot
On ‎16‎-‎2‎-‎2017 at 4:24 PM, Eliza said:

Rejection and exclusion seem to be a part of most aspie lives.

How do you keep a sense of self-worth when this happens?

Aspies reject Aspies too though. Also a young man killed himself recently and his suicide note read "All my life I've been excluded, mocked and bullied" and he was NT. So it isn't so that Aspies get rejected more than NTs or that being an Aspie is necessarily harder than being NT.

On to the question. How does one keep rejection from negatively affecting one's sense of self-worth?

Well, it matters what you think of you. That's what determines one's sense of self-worth. Not what other people (wrongly) think of you. Who are these people who reject you? Did they take the time to get to know you? How can these people be described? Do the people they don't reject seem nice to you? Should you be sad that you're rejected by people who aren't sympathetic/warm/kind? If bad people reject you it only says something good about you.

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Eliza
On 2/17/2017 at 0:27 PM, Peridot said:

Who are these people who reject you?

It took me a while to decide if I wanted to post this online, but thank you for asking.

It's my adult children. They exclude me from family holiday events and it hurts like hell. They send me gifts, call on holidays, that's about it. In all honesty, I wasn't a very good mom I didn't know I had Aspergers or I probably would not have had them--not that aspies can't be good parents. They can. I wasn't though--the noise kids make put me over the edge most of the time.

Anyway, I really want to be at peace about this. I have my faith now, which helps, but I feel double-minded. Half the time I'm happy, feel good about myself, then the pain hits my heart and throws everything out of whack.

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.......

This is how my mother felt with my brother and his kids and their 'Group'.... She would refer to them as "The Fxxking Mummy Friends" and they were always avoiding her unless it suited them. She went to her grave feeling like that and my brother still has no idea. Se was almost certain undiagnosed aspie and would have meltdowns at me mostly, (which i thought was normal until recently.) She and myself would use each other as an emotional punch bag which worked for us, but I no realise that we were a 'right pair' at times.  I can be now. 

 

I still believe they were in the wrong by not including her in their get togethers and now she has gone and its too late for them and her. I suspect my brother will carry a sense of guilt about it for rest of his life. 

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.......

The very group I am talking about now in a way reject me.. They are all wannabe triathletes and struggle with their swim. I am the most knowledgable swim coach with a 200 mile radius and I can turn them into elite swimmers but they wouldn't even consider getting advice from somebody like me. They are far too conceited I think and uptight and proud so they just plug away like weekend warriors while I train the next generation of "swim genius's" :D 

My brother even pulled his daughter out of my lessons and she now goes to the local centre in the "Goup" just so they can all rub shoulders and talk nonsense about crap swimming :(

 

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.......

I feel rejection about my Philosophy too. 

I have found a way (like lots of aspies) to basically get the 'Theory of Everything,' 'Prana' 'Mana' 'Sartori' 'Higher state of being/consciousness' 'All the knowledge in the universe' etc etc and it is easy to achieve - with which you can have anything you wish. It just happens that when you reach it - your wish will be to have nothingness, present moment awareness - Zen

People do not believe it though and they really think this is a rehearsal of some sort get ready for the future and they take deep offence when you try to show them the way. 

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