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RiRi

[Sensitive] I want to make a cry for help.

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Dr-David-Banner
2 hours ago, Gone home said:

I totally sympathise with strong feelings / impulses of wanting to end life, but I think you are being incredibly selfish and attention seeking here.
Apart from causing untoward public drama, somebody is going to be very traumatised finding a body - so think of them and whether you have the right to traumatise others .. and think of their families trying to support their family member traumatised. There is always an expanding ripple effect to all actions.
Hurting yourself just to get attention is very very wrong on all levels 

I don't think it really helps to refer to cases of strong depression as "selfish". I think when a person is very depressed he or she loses perspective of consequences to others or may feel very low self esteem. So, I think here on Asperclick we need to be understanding and supportive. RiRi has done the right thing I think by openly telling us she's feeling very in need of support and it's nice to see she's been supported.
One of my friends has a son who is very suicidal so I'm used to it. It's very common for people to sometimes feel this way (more so maybe when they're younger)

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Gone away
34 minutes ago, Dr-David-Banner said:

I don't think it really helps to refer to cases of strong depression as "selfish". I think when a person is very depressed he or she loses perspective of consequences to others or may feel very low self esteem

Yes, I've said as much to others in the past.
I've been there myself more than once so understand first hand about the tragedy of loss of insight.
However, I'm not going to agree with you about whether my comments are helpful or not. I think they are helpful. 
 Its an honest response from my perspective ... I'm not going to lie to people or get sucked in to supporting anyone to neglect themselves or mess with others feelings.
To me, this doesn't look like a post lacking insight or method ... sometimes the truth hurts .. and I've represented my honest perspective which is not open to debate

Edited by Gone home

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RiRi

@Gone home You're right. I have no right to traumatize anyone. I thought about that after submitting my post. Its one of the forgotten reasons why I haven't done it either. Because I am considerate. But I have thought of a solution which is to call 911 the last seconds I feel alive so that they can take my body. I have thought this through. I'm also planning to leave a note that says it's no ones fault.

The reason why I haven't done so far is pretty unselfish. I've stayed in this world for them. Sometimes when I'm in that urge state, I feel like I've been here enough for them and that I have the right to be selfish. I've suffered enough. 

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Dr-David-Banner

Suicide is never the answer. It solves nothing. When my former best friend took his life, it seemed to me a waste of potential. He was diagnosed on the spectrum with depression issues. He was also an ace rock guitarist and had been on TV.
My advice would be to take the alternative path and try and fix the causes of the depression. Or at least see the silver lining in the grey clouds.
A very good film I have is the story of Hans Christian Anderson who had Aspergers. His mother died in a madhouse. He was homeless for a short time in Copenhagen. Despite his sad early years he became a celebrated writer of childrens stories, including the ugly duckling. So, really, you never know where your life may end and it's still worth holding onto. Even if for now it seems murky.

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Primeape

@Gone home some get the real nice support i find, unfortunetly when im depressed i just make certain people angry....and its mixed me up abit, to me im not allowed to be upset/angry or think anything negative.... 

Edited by Angry Primeape

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Gone away

 

2 hours ago, RiRi said:

I have no right to traumatize anyone. I thought about that after submitting my post. Its one of the forgotten reasons why I haven't done it either. Because I am considerate. But I have thought of a solution which is to call 911 the last seconds I feel alive so that they can take my body. I have thought this through. I'm also planning to leave a note that says it's no ones fault.

Leaving a note covers niothing. 911 and other workers  get seriously traumatised by their job ... its wrong and quite callous to put them through that. You cannot control who sees what ... Who's going to clean up the blood, shit and piss when the body lets go? Will any kids see?  Who's going to deal with the meat? Who's going to deal with the crap you leave?
You seriously need to change your attitude ... you are a young woman with many years ahead. You may want attention but this is not the way to get the type of attention you feel you need.
If anything its very counterproductive in my view. I'm sorry to come across as  patronising but your post has really annoyed me.
Some people are seriously struggling trying their utmost 24/7 to piece their shitty lives together/ improve things - and that kind of talk helps no-one.
You need to focus on what makes you happy and improving your lot ... you can only work with what you got, but should focus on what makes life better.

 

1 hour ago, Angry Primeape said:

unfortunetly when im depressed i just make certain people angry....and its mixed me up abit, to me im not allowed to be upset/angry or think anything negative.... 

Yes its a pain ... when you can't say anything right its best to say nothing and focus on trying to get the brain in order again. Sometimes a loss of confidence can temporarily be useful. Overconfidence can be a curse when you can't say anything right.


Life is fluid though ... much as we may appear to get stuck everything constantly moves and eventually passes.

 

Edited by Gone home

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RiRi

@Gone home Well then I'm stuck with no where to go. Maybe I should change my method then. Maybe I should use pills instead. Then no one would be traumatized. 

I just need help. I'm not doing it for attention seeking. I just want someone to help me. I'm desperate. I don't want to be depressed. I wish noises didn't bother me. I wish I was able to go out on my own. I wish I was happy. 

And I am trying. I've been trying since I can remember. In my life, I've known for someone who doesn't give up easily. I've struggled all my life. I think maybe you don't know enough about my life or enough about me to make that judgment about whether I'm trying or not. If I could, I'd tell my brain with that part that holds all these issues/thoughts/etc. to shut off already but I can't. 

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RiRi

The people who are helping me with a place to live and food to eat. I feel like I owe them. I know that I owe them a lot. I feel guilty for not doing enough for them. So despite having all these background issues that I struggle with on a daily basis to appear like a normal person who isn't bothered by noises, who doesn't feel attacked by them even, etc. etc., I try to be helpful in any way I can. I don't just sit doing nothing the whole day. Oh, how I wish my life was that easy that I just sit in front of the computer doing nothing all day, just eating and doing nothing. Not having to wash the dishes on a daily basis, not having to wash the bathroom once in a while. Not having to sweep and mop the floors. Not having to vacuum. Not having to heat or cook food and while at it having to hear cabinet doors be slammed one after the other. Not having to go to the grocery store to get the food. Oh, how I wish someone did the phone calls for my appointments so that I wouldn't have to deal with the bitch on the other side of the line. So that I wouldn't be talked to in a condescending way. So I didn't have to swallow my words and tell that bitch not to be condescending. Because if I tell her that then something bad might happen. Not having to worry about paying people who have helped me with a place to live and food to eat. Not feeling like a complete waste of space. Not feeling like I'm a useless piece of shit of a human being. 

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Gone away
7 minutes ago, RiRi said:

Well then I'm stuck with no where to go. Maybe I should change my method then. Maybe I should use pills instead. Then no one would be traumatized. 

Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Thats unbelievably childish, spoilt - and you should be ashamed coming out with that crap.
Alot of people have it tougher and continue to humbly make what they can without going out of their way to create drama for others
 

9 minutes ago, RiRi said:


I just need help. I'm not doing it for attention seeking. I just want someone to help me. I'm desperate. I don't want to be depressed.

I know and am not disputing that ... (though do dispute the attention seeking)  ... but the thread was selfish and ill considered. Looking for support around the notion of suicide Is not helping and I think is nasty.
What kind of role model are you for vulnerable children with aspergers maybe reading this drivel?
What ideas are you giving people .. who may be very vulnerable?
How many people are you inspiring by publicly going on like this?

None of us are saints or in tip top health throughout, but from my perspective a line has been crossed and its messed up.
Additionally, before any accusations come, If I didn't give a shit I would never have commented.

 

12 minutes ago, RiRi said:

I think maybe you don't know enough about my life or enough about me

Correct. but also maybe you don't know enough about you and how you tick.

By necessity,  where possible I'm more into solutions and improving things than gratuitously destructive indulgent pity parties.
Your thoughts you must agree are not beneficial nor exclusive to you ..... you need to move forward from this as best you can and forget any faulty thinking.
So if I fuck up these thoughts that you are wallowing in rather than support them,  then I have done you a favour

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