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Dr-David-Banner

Lack Of Aggression

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Dr-David-Banner

Another piece of the puzzle. I never realised before I lack aggression (even compared to girls who are still assertive.) I already clarified I lack emotions and aggression plays a part in that. To be aggressive also depends upon your sense of identity or gender. Some autists don't develop a concrete gender which I think creates a lack of self image or macho role model. For example, boys learn aggression from adopted role models during childhood. They admire Rambo type movie stars because men are supposed to kick ass, while women are in awe. Yet, with no role models an autist can develop without a sense of knowing what part to act out. Myself, I would feel plain stupid if I gave out some witty, macho remark while delivering a roundhouse kick, as if from a script: "Hasta la vista, baby!", and all the girls think,."Wow, now there's a real man!" If I ever did have a role model as a child I guess it was Kwai Chang Kaine as he really was like a very non aggressive autist - a Shaolin monk. Anyway, the point is I can defend myself in a corner but basically I am non aggressive and actually non assertive. Sure, I write with conviction but my actual personality is pretty passive. This can also create the infamous "bottled up anger". When autists do get angry it's not aggression but a meltdown. You may just explode. Then people are in shock as they witness a kind of metamorphosis. Anyway one friend said to me once the reason her friend Jo positively yelled and ranted at me once was "because you don't stick up for yourself like everyone else!" Yet how? Like I said, I can't imagine myself acting out any appropriate role. And yet NTs give huge importance to aggression. In fact, I recall a very punily built tutor I once had who used sarcasm as a weapon. He had no physical presence so he used sarcasm to assert himself. 

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Miss Chief

Aggressiveness has nothing to do with gender. Women can be aggressive and men can be passive and vice versa. Overall I would say woman tend to be more aggressive than men, most of the drunken fights I have witnessed when out late tend to be women not men, also see women attacking men who can't then fight back. I would also say women tend to be more competitive than men, which in turn leads to possessive and aggressive behaviours. Again this isn't all women but it does seem to be more prevalent in women.

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Nesf

A lot of people I know, especially women, suppress their emotions, but then become very passive agressive.

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Dr-David-Banner

I agree except just to add female aggression is less media motivated or through alpha role models. Assertive women in my eyes tend to be good at their jobs and competitive. In a word, my friends are faster moving and more  assertive than I am. They are all women. When they fall out it tends to be quite spiteful and, in my view, the women pay a lot of attention to their status and peer pressure. I see myself as far less assertive than they are and prefer to make little jokes and just do my thing. The funny thing is although l admit these women are far ahead of me in coping and status, they seem helpless if a lock is jammed or a fuse blows. Then I get the chance to help out. 

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Miss Chief

This obsession with female and male division is ridiculous and harmful. We are all human beings and trying to define what is female and what is male is ridiculous. I certainly wouldn't have an issue with a jammed lock or blown fuse, I am an engineer. In fact I have had to fix cars for male friends before now. Are you going to say they aren't really men cause they didn't know how to change some brake pads? Are you going to say I am not really a woman cause I can? I'm getting really fed up with this whole male/female brain crap.

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Dr-David-Banner

Put it this way: most insults are effective where gender is an issue. Even Madonna touched on that. Girls can wear pants and boots but for a guy to like a girl is "degrading". To insult males it's a given male ego must be jarred. "Mummy's boy" is an old one but, trust me, it stings. Why? Society teaches roles from very early age. I mean, seriously, when I read Spider Man comics as a boy, all the letters to the editor Stan Lee were from boys. Girls rarely read The Fantastic Four. OK I grant female power role models did emerge like the Bionic Woman but I think for females sensitivity is about appeal and image. To attack those learned role models is to provoke a backlash. I don't make these rules but was expected to live up to them. Even my female friends have told me to "man up". They are not likely to tell me to "girl up". Surely their subconscious is forever applying these learned gender patterns. To address your main point maybe like me you don't fit these gender patterns and feel a lack of connection to it? Still if we disagree that society doesn't use role models based on gender, I then am stuck to explain what I feel about aggression. 

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Dr-David-Banner

If you can change brake pads then my estimate is you were not as programmed by social role models as most women. Recently I was forced to learn to sew in order to make some curtains and I guess I got the hang of it. It's kind of rare though as most guys will ask wives or sisters to sew. 

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Miss Chief
4 hours ago, Dr-David-Banner said:

To address your main point maybe like me you don't fit these gender patterns and feel a lack of connection to it?

Nope, I am and always have identified as female. I merely have male dominated interests but that doesn't mean I am not a woman, the very fact I can be an engineer etc proves that the ridiculous notions of female/male brains is ludicrous.

Sewing is not predominantly female, tailors are male, females in the profession are called seamstresses (although they don't tend to do male clothing), you have to be able to do some basic sewing in the army, a sewing kit is part of your basic kit.

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Dr-David-Banner

I don't think I connected it all to male and female brains. I think I was referring to aggression in social, cultural contexts. Neither do I think I have a female brain. I concluded that I never found my gender role model to connect with. I don't have a deep voice either. I agree with what you posted but I am just trying to raise the theme of social aggression and how it develops through identity. In fact, to be honest, my recent goal is to find myself. I got tired being taught that to be accepted you have to be living up to a set role. 

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