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StormCrow

Rude/Insulting people/person (treated like a baby)

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StormCrow

Didn't know where to put this, but I'm seeking advice

In my regiment the wife of one of the Privates has been treating and talking to me like I'm a baby and sort of insulting me with people around. 

Its annoying because I'm an NCO and she acts like I'm the lowest Private asking me to do uses things that I wouldn't be doing at my rank. 

I've asked her to stop or mentioned the proper military way to handle interactions, but she ignores me. 

I was thinking of sending a message to the Private/husband, but I don't want to seem mean. 

The Private/Husband and his son both have ASD and it seems like he's oblivious to the insults.

So anyone have any advice on how to deal with Rude people that think ASD people are not able to do anything by themselves?

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Peridot

That's odd that she's condescending to someone who's autistic while her husband and son are autistic as well. But that's people for you.

"What is a a man? A miserable little pile of secrets"

- Dracula

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RiRi

I think some people take out their anger on other people who represent what they hate. Maybe in this case, she hates the fact that her family is autistic and is unfairly taking it out on you. Thing is she doesn't know or ignores the fact that some of the greatest minds that have stepped into this world have been autistic. 

Is there a superior or department whom you can submit a complain to, someone that you know is generally a good person? Also, I'd keep a journal of all she insulting or condescending statements she made for in case you need it when you submit the complaint, can you record her like on your phone or something, without her finding out? (I don't know if this will get you in trouble but you never know if the higher ups are just as assholes as she is). In the complaint say that she's been insulting to you various times and that you have spoken to her about it many times asking her to stop or redirecting her to the military protocol of interactions but that she has continued to insult.

Edited by RiRi

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StormCrow
On 10/31/2018 at 12:12 AM, RiRi said:

I think some people take out their anger on other people who represent what they hate. Maybe in this case, she hates the fact that her family is autistic and is unfairly taking it out on you. Thing is she doesn't know or ignores the fact that some of the greatest minds that have stepped into this world have been autistic. 

Is there a superior or department whom you can submit a complain to, someone that you know is generally a good person? Also, I'd keep a journal of all she insulting or condescending statements she made for in case you need it when you submit the complaint, can you record her like on your phone or something, without her finding out? (I don't know if this will get you in trouble but you never know if the higher ups are just as assholes as she is). In the complaint say that she's been insulting to you various times and that you have spoken to her about it many times asking her to stop or redirecting her to the military protocol of interactions but that she has continued to insult.

 

I've been keeping track of some of it in my orderly book, but so far I'm the only person doing the paperwork/reports and I'm not supposed to keep the book until I get to the next rank higher. 

I guess I could send a complaint, but so far every time she sends an insult or talks down to me they are around, but don't do anything about it. Sometimes they look at her kind of like their thinking "whats wrong with this woman".

now I just ignore her or just say "what" and she stops. I guess that's sort of better.   

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Sanctuary

It's disappointing StormCrow that those in higher ranks have not taken action against this person. Unfortunately this happens all too often - sometimes because they don't care or even support the person behaving badly but often just because they see it as too much trouble or are worried about taking him or her on. It may be that as the person causing you problems is someone's wife rather than an employee they aren't sure how best to deal with her. It is though their responsibility to protect employees like yourself from being harassed or poorly treated by any person, be that an employee, customer, visitor or general member of the public. Maybe you need to push them a little more on this, making clear how unhappy you are at her behaviour. It may be they don't appreciate the extent of the problem.

More generally I think this highlights a problem where too many people don't think about the impact of their words or behaviour (or they do but don't care about the unhappiness they cause). While abuse and rudeness are obviously wrong talking down to someone is also unpleasant. Maybe she needs to be made more fully aware (diplomatically) of the impact of her words and behaviour and shown how to be more constructive and supportive. For some people the problem is they've never really learned how to strike a more supportive tone and they need guidance. If on the other hand they do know how to behave properly but just choose to be unpleasant they need to be dealt with more firmly.

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StormCrow

just an update. 

The person I was referring too has actually become a little more nicer.

We had our Annual planning meeting and I had some of the members come over to fix our website photo sharing problem (I'm in charge of the website for our regiment now, yippy!) and they were both here and just too forever to working it out, but no demeaning remarks during the whole time. 

Thanks to everyone that responded on this thread!

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RiRi

@StormCrow That's great to hear! I wonder what changed her. I wonder if she realized she was just being a big bully to you and regretted it and felt remorse. What do you think happened? 

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StormCrow
On 2/5/2019 at 11:21 PM, RiRi said:

@StormCrow That's great to hear! I wonder what changed her. I wonder if she realized she was just being a big bully to you and regretted it and felt remorse. What do you think happened? 

I'm not sure. 

It was after a long meeting (for the regiment), and she did talk forever so we (me and the new recruit) had to stand around in the cold waiting) 

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RiRi
On 2/10/2019 at 9:32 AM, StormCrow said:

I'm not sure. 

It was after a long meeting (for the regiment), and she did talk forever so we (me and the new recruit) had to stand around in the cold waiting) 

Maybe she hasn't changed then if she made you guys wait around in the cold. Maybe she was trying to sound friendly when in reality she wanted you guys to spend time out in the cold. What has she done that made you think she's nice now?

Edited by RiRi

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StormCrow
On 2/13/2019 at 7:45 PM, RiRi said:

Maybe she hasn't changed then if she made you guys wait around in the cold. Maybe she was trying to sound friendly when in reality she wanted you guys to spend time out in the cold. What has she done that made you think she's nice now?

she just hasn't said anything mean or stupid the whole time.

Except she keeps asking if I can make her a Leather box and she had scrap wood to use (never explained why a leather box is made of wood). I always say yes and to bring a picture next event. 

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