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SethTheEvilDeity

Does Anyone Else Have This Problem Or Something Similar? Is It Even Related To Aspergers Syndrome?

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SethTheEvilDeity

First of all, this is to vent and to see if there anything i can do about the situation. Also as a heads up i am going to be a bit improper with the way i type..

 

Well.. I live smack in the middle of a city  (not even close to a suburb) and I always feel nervous when walking/exercising outside unless i have my music in my ears.. Not always but usually o.e. The cases I do feel most fearful are when usually I wear a t-shirt (especially band and music related shirts) I always feel like I'm going to be called "fake or a poser" for whatever reasons so i try to stay away from crowds as much as i can while venturing outside. The only cases i do feel safe with them on are when I'm outside the state and city or at school if i don't have to wear uniforms. Lately, if i feel like my dad is treating my wrongly by trying to help me with something i already figured out on my own i get really defensive and i don't know why ._... and my parents claim "I'm being aggressive" or "Why are you being so angry ?!" Sometimes i get defensive and raise my voice and i know the reason but at the same time i don't and can't explain myself and when i try to think i feel my eyes trying to tear up and i feel overwhelmed. Then if i don't do anything at home (i haven't had much motivation lately to draw or read) i feel the same way (i feel down and like I'm longing for something i don't have yet). I really don't have much friends outside of the internet.. i do have acquaintances and trustworthy "friends" (not sure if its right calling them friends) but they're much older than me. I don't have anyone my age or talk to too many people with my interest. 

Which is one of the reasons I'm probably so dissatisfied as of this year and last year.

 

 

*EDIT* Theres another thing that really concerns me that I forgot to mention... I really want  too like start a blog or what not to "let out my demons' i suppose.. but I get so worried because of some of the stuff I've done a few months ago and stuff i'd rather not talk about; its stupid but at the same time i feel like i need to "get myself under control" before i do that. So every awful thing I've done and every violent thing I've attempted makes me feel like I'm not worthy :I.. 

 

*EDIT for the 100th time ._.* About the blog.. if it is possible good alternative for me .. How will i explain that to my mom.. she's really clingy and i think i might of inherited some of my problems from her /;. For example when i first started using youtube she got really paranoid when i was 12 afraid someone was going to kidnap me or lure me .____.. so uh, yeah.

Edited by SethTheEvilDeity

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Sofi

Yes. I am similar to this.

 

I have recently started a blog too, you should and it could be anonymous if you are worried about it. I feel like this too, about anger and violence, it makes me feel worthless because I know it is not a good thing to do and it makes me feel like a bad person. People tell me that is not true though. 

You can explain about the blog to your mom, and show her it maybe if you were comfortable, for her to see it is okay. But, it is only natural she will be worried about you. 

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SethTheEvilDeity

Thanks for the response ^^. Im trying to work on the blog at the moment.. 

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Mike_GX101

Nothing wrong with starting a blog...very easy in fact!!  Perhaps that's what you need; it'll help to boost your confidence.

 

Just out of interest what's this other stuff you've referred to in your first 'edit' because you mention it and then deny us knowing what it actually is which kind of raises the question of why raise it in the first place?!?

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Nesf

I also listen to music when I go for a walk, it shuts out the world around and this that might otherwise cause me anxiety, and helps me relax. I steer clear of crowds too, because i'm so self-conscious.

 

I would write the blog anonymously - you could write it like a diary and no one need know about it, then you could express yourself freely and write slightly more personal things which you wouldn't be able to write under your own name.

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Bruce

Dunno, I get all sorts of funny feelings but I can't say I usually try to make sense of them through analytical thinking, since it's well enough established for me that they never end up making sense that way. At this stage of my life, I could certainly not care less about random strangers calling me names while out and about but I can't say that's ever actually happened to me. But am I the only one here who isn't sure quite what problem we're being asked about?

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Whoknows

Have some faith in yourself and stop claiming you're evil.

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Aker

Don't recommend to tell your mom about blog. If that's possible. But blogging is really useful.

 

But yeah, I don't understand what is the problem either. (Well there's more than one, I would prefer list of them :D sorry. )

 

But looking on all picture together I really understand many of those feelings.

 

Suppressing emotions ain't good. (Guilty of the same crime for many years, I recommend doing something about it) Personal diary, blogging is good. I prefer Livejournal like blogging because it's not so serious (many people talking there about their emotional shit), easy to control, anonymous, you can add groups and friends, easily read what they are saying (their personal shit or something good). Journaling your emotions in't solution, but it really helps. And angry outbursts are connected with suppressed feelings. 

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Toran

Don't recommend to tell your mom about blog. If that's possible. But blogging is really useful.

 

But yeah, I don't understand what is the problem either. (Well there's more than one, I would prefer list of them :D sorry. )

 

But looking on all picture together I really understand many of those feelings.

 

Suppressing emotions ain't good. (Guilty of the same crime for many years, I recommend doing something about it) Personal diary, blogging is good. I prefer Livejournal like blogging because it's not so serious (many people talking there about their emotional shit), easy to control, anonymous, you can add groups and friends, easily read what they are saying (their personal shit or something good). Journaling your emotions in't solution, but it really helps. And angry outbursts are connected with suppressed feelings.

I keep a personal diary but a persomal oppinion is that a lot of people wont understand Autism unless its a site like this forum or are you talking about another something specific for Aspies. I had a little trouble understanding what you meant I hope I interpretated it correctly.

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Aker

That's why I recommend blogging platform where you can easily filter out those not understanding.

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