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Nallaa

crisis period and school

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Nallaa

Hello, I'm not an official Aspie, but I woud like some advises regarding to my new school semester :

I'm very very mentally tired since 2 weeks with my exams and other things, and especially now, and my teachers annouced us we have 5 group presentations to manage for this beginning of semester, which is way too much for me to manage at once, specially knowing I'm already on the edge of doing meltdowns. My partner is my friend and I don't want to let him down because he has bad scores and I have good ones, he is really counting on me (which is even more stressfull), but I'm already quite overwhelmed whereas it didn't start yet. Because I'm not diagnosed and never talked about this to my friends (which are not very close friends) I'm not feeling comfortable enough to tell them. I have the feeling that actually I don't have the right to ask anything to anybody.. Teachers don't want to let us working alone because they think it's not fair leting someone having more rights than the others (like not working in pairs).

I don't see what I could do ? I really prefer to avoid letting my friend down, I would like him to go in an other group (they would be 3) and me alone, but I can't

Do you have any advise for me ?

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Willow

I understand how much of a struggle this can be. At college last year our tutor would give us assignments the day before they were due and it was very stressful. The best way I've found to cope is to break everything down into smaller, manageable parts, and create a list of the order you need to do things in. Do an item on the list, have a short break doing something that you find relaxing, do the next item, have a break, and so on until you have ticked all the items on the list off.

Since you have a partner, I assume you are working together on all of this, so either - meet up and break the work down and make the to-do list together, and each take parts away to do, or, if you prefer to be in control, make the list yourself and tell them which bits to work on.

It seems simple, but I find it can really help me to feel organised enough to make a start. You can also, whilst making the list, prioritise which tasks are the most important, so if you don't manage to get through them all, the last tasks aren't vital for handing in to your teacher. Sometimes, we over perfect our work, and we can get away with doing much less and still pass. So try to go over everything once in less detail than you would normally, and if you have time, go over again and add more details - if you don't have time to go over it again, you still have a completed project to hand in, which is better than nothing at all.

I hope this is understandable enough for you, let me know if something doesn't make sense due to our language differences! 

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Nesf

@Willow has excellent advice - meet your partner and make a list, put the high priority items at the top of the list, start with those and tick them off as you do them. Plan who is going to do which tasks. I often do this to help me with daily living, so I don't become overwhelmed by the many tasks I need to get through in a day. It also gives a tremendous feeling of satisfaction and progress when you tick things off the list.

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Heather

I agree with @Willow and @Nesf about making a list. I remember when I got overwhelmed at university, it was so helpful to make a list of everything I had to do and break it down into when things are due and assess the priority level of each item and then assign something to each of you for each week or each part of the project.  When I did a group project at university, it was really helpful to have a shared 'google document' where we could work together from our own homes. We still had to sometimes get together outside of class to work on aspects of the project, depending on the particular project.

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RiRi
On 1/19/2019 at 9:20 AM, Nallaa said:

Because I'm not diagnosed and never talked about this to my friends (which are not very close friends) I'm not feeling comfortable enough to tell them. I have the feeling that actually I don't have the right to ask anything to anybody.. Teachers don't want to let us working alone because they think it's not fair leting someone having more rights than the others (like not working in pairs).

What if you were diagnosed? Would your teacher still allow this to happen? I don't know but if I could have gotten some accommodations while in college, it would have made things better. I think what the teacher is doing about it being unfair is because they don't know you're autistic. I don't know, maybe it would have been good to have a diagnosis in college. I don't know if they offer the same accommodations but at my college, I would have gotten someone to take notes for me whenever I couldn't make it to class (which were a lot of times, I missed class a lot throughout) or allowed more time on a test. I got my degree but my grades were not high. I'm sure they could have been higher had I gotten help. I've always wondered what would have happened if I would have gotten help (but I didn't know I was autistic until well after I graduated). 

You've been offered some great advice to cope in the meantime and if you decide to go undiagnosed and stay that way. Good luck with your studies regardless. 

Edited by RiRi

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Nallaa

Thank you for all these tips, I will try them, but maybe I didn't explain correctly the reason why I'm tired. I'm in this period when I hate staying with people, talking to them, listening to them, even seeing their face, I don't know, I'm getting sick and tired of people in general, not because I dislike them but because it's too much for me and I can't handle it anymore. I just need to rest it's the only thing I would like to do : not beeing forced to stay and interact with people, just for a while. Only beeing free to choose if I want to stay with them or not. I am also tired because of the work and probably winter, so you're tips are going to be a good help for me, but there is still the biggest part of my problems which is I just feel like I want to isolate myself, and I really immediatly need this, because I'm saturated.

It's really rare for me to be in that state so strongly, but to give an idea of how I'm feeling I'm starting to be angry and agressive with people (not a lot, I'm not dangerous), I'm having a bunch of nightmares, my periods are not coming anymore and I started again hitting the floor sometimes in my classes because of the noise people makes. I don't see any way out and this is making me even more hostile and frustrated. 

 

I really don't know what I should do because it's the first time I experience this so strongly and the first time I don't have the choice 

 

I hope I'm not doing my drama queen to much, I'm just trying to say how I'm feeling like to help you understand what's going on for me

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Willow

@Nallaa are you able to complete the work outside of school, and therefore just talk remotely to your project partner (via text or internet)? If so, you can try to arrange via text which bits you will do and which bits they will do, and then meet up before class to put everything together. This way you still get to do the work alone at home, and can have some down time.

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Heather

@Nallaa Maybe you need to schedule some sections of time where you can go by yourself to relax and not worry about deadlines and other people.  There is relaxing music on YouTube that you could listen to, I have found it has helped me relax when I listen to it.  I also like watching familiar shows on Netflix when I am anxious sometimes.  Sometimes other music can relax me.  Other times I need silence, more so if I have just had a long day of being outside of my home.  I'm not sure if this will help you, but maybe try "scheduling" more time for yourself where you do something fun and not related to your projects?

I also like @Willow's suggestion of seeing if you can do more of the work on the project at home, communicating via text or internet and meeting up closer to the project due date if you need to put it all together and go through it, would help you to be able to avoid the direct contact with people right now.

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StormCrow

It might be considered sort of cheating, but When I had multiple group projects, I persuaded my different group members to all do that same project. 

Like when all of my engineering classes all had a group project for the end of the semester I had one power-point presentation with pretty much the same slides, but with a different subtitle for the class I was taking. 

Also make sure everyone does at least some work. Most of my classes I ended up doing all the work, until I started saying that I'll help by presenting. 

 

When is this due?  

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