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Willow

Coffee Shops

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Willow

So I find coffee shops to be pretty stressful places to be, but I do enjoy coffee so I tend to put up with it - and I have a few favourite places that tend to be a bit quieter. I think a lot of people on the spectrum find coffee shops to be stressful - they're loud, busy and there's lots of strong smells, people talking, interactions needed to order things, etc.

But, in the Asperclicker's video chat a few days ago, @Rhys said he finds coffee shops a relaxing place to be, and we were all a bit shocked - I guess I never really contemplated that, for an NT person, it's a nice environment to chill out in. The idea seems so ridiculous to me that I never even thought about it! But he pointed out that friends meet there for a chat, people go and work on their books, work related stuff, having meetings there...so it must be true haha. 

This is also playing on my mind more because I'm meeting a couple in a coffee shop to discuss their wedding photography this weekend. But I was able to pick my favourite coffee shop so hopefully it will be okay!

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RiRi

Good luck! I think you will manage just fine.

I don't really like going out. And for me, a peaceful place would be a place where there are no people around. I don't have to worry about people turning to see me and people taking pictures and huge chatters, etc. Even a library wouldn't be peaceful for me unless there are only like 3 people in total and I get a space away from everyone.

Regarding the video chat, I wondered if Rhys was playing FIFA as a way to cope with anxiety of being in front of the camera. I know he later on stopped and participated more but then he wanted to continue. Was the chat boring for him or was he anxious or was he just multitasking? Just couldn't help wonder.

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Willow
2 minutes ago, RiRi said:

Good luck! I think you will manage just fine.

I don't really like going out. And for me, a peaceful place would be a place where there are no people around. I don't have to worry about people turning to see me and people taking pictures and huge chatters, etc. Even a library wouldn't be peaceful for me unless there are only like 3 people in total and I get a space away from everyone.

Regarding the video chat, I wondered if Rhys was playing FIFA as a way to cope with anxiety of being in front of the camera. I know he later on stopped and participated more but then he wanted to continue. Was the chat boring for him or was he anxious or was he just multitasking? Just couldn't help wonder.

Thanks :)

He had scheduled FIFA matches to play with a pro team, and he didn't realise he'd double booked that and the video chat haha. Sorry!

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Primeape

Good luck with the meeting Willow :)

For me coffee shops can be loud, I tend to always pick a corner table I don't like to be right in the middle of everyone, if there's no tables available in the corner I tend to just leave

 

 

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RiRi

@Willow Are you anxious about the meeting? Do you get much sleep when you have meetings like this? If you don't feel anxious, did you used to? How did you get better? 

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Willow
2 minutes ago, RiRi said:

@Willow Are you anxious about the meeting? Do you get much sleep when you have meetings like this? If you don't feel anxious, did you used to? How did you get better? 

I'm a little bit anxious yeah, mostly because it's my first meeting with wedding photography clients. I used to get more anxious about things, I guess the more I went to events and met people, the easier things got. Plus, I just stopped caring what people thought about me, and just walk around in my own little world, mostly oblivious of the other people.

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Ben

I tend to go to coffee shops late at night (usually in London) with my laptop to write and tap into free Wifi - so, for me, they're relaxing by association. Although I prefer my cigar lounges. I just limit those visits to once a fortnight. For obvious reasons. 

I need to post a thread on befriending meditations - I think it'll help some of you.  

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Heather

I don't mind coffee shops sometimes but depends on how busy they are.  In the past, I have met friends at coffee shops and I think it is a nice place to meet people because having a cup of coffee (or other beverage) while talking takes off the pressure to talk and can make it less awkward.  Though I do find it hard to fully relax in coffee shops or restaurants or anywhere there are people that are not close like my immediate family and partner.  The noise can make it difficult to hear someone else or think properly or speak because I feel like I have to talk loud to be heard.  On the flip side, if it is a very quiet coffee shop, then I feel awkward like all the attention would be on me if I talk. 

So in my opinion coffee shops have their benefits for certain situations, in particular, they are a good neutral meeting place to meet people but I most days I prefer making a cup of coffee at home and drinking it in my own space where I feel most comfortable of course. :) 

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Alice

I find coffee shops stressful but I still like to go once in a while under certain conditions.

I have to feel up to it on the day, only go alone, with a book, to a quiet one on a weekday and it has to have a wall-facing/corner seat. Like this, I can enjoy them, it feels like getting human contact. Other than the supermarket once a week/fortnight, and library trips, this is basically my only social interaction (no family, partner, friends etc.. in my life), which sounds abnormal but its really fine - I just do need to be around humans once in a while - and I have to interact to place an order anyway. I cant hold a proper/longer/unplanned conversation with that noise but I can focus it out, while enjoying a decaf soy latte, and the change in scenery can be nice. It makes me feel more normal.

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Nesf

No, I wouldn't describe most coffee shops as relaxing places to be, and I most certainly couldn't read or have a meeting in them. I find them tiring and stressful  - I can tolerate them, but not really relax. Here where I live, they are noisy, loud music and full of smoke, which I can't stand. In the UK, they are busy and noisy, especially round the tills and the area where the orders are being prepared. If I'm out anywhere with my mum in the UK, she gets tired so we inevitably end up in a coffee shop. She is aware of my sensory sensitivity, so we it somewhere away from the area where the orders are being prepared. And capuccino machines are my nemesis - see below.

 

 

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