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PandaPrincess

A Family Member's Birthday Party

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PandaPrincess

Okay, so my niece is going to turn 9 years old next Sunday, and my sister is throwing a birthday party for her, but the problem is that the party is going to be at the bowling alley, and she's invited a bunch of people to go, and she said that she's only renting a lane for the kids, which means that the adults can't bowl.  I mean, I guess technically we can, but we would have to pay for ourselves, which isn't really a big deal, but we'd have to find a different lane, probably away from the party, and no one will want to do that.  I don't know if any of the other adults are planning to bowl or not.  They're mostly just taking their kids to the party.  

So, my problem is that if I went to the party, then I would be stuck in a noisy place sitting with a bunch of people I don't know and don't want to talk to, doing absolutely nothing because the bowling is "just for the kids."  I would be extremely uncomfortable there, and it would be best if I didn't go. Another problem is that I don't know how to tell my niece that I'm not going to her party without hurting her feelings.  She's very sensitive, so I can't just tell her that I'm not going to her party because I don't want to.  I'm planning on getting her a present though.  My sister keeps sending me facebook invites to the party, and she keeps messaging me talking about the party, saying there will be a good turn-out, but I've been ignoring her messages.  My sister is not very understanding of me at all and thinks that I'm selfish just because I avoid doing things that make me uncomfortable or upset, so I'm not going to talk to her about it.  

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Heather

Aww, that sounds like a tough situation to be in.  It would be helpful if you got along with a couple of the other adults there or knew that some of the other adults would also bowl.

I can see two options you have.  One is to go and just try to make the best of it even though there's a good chance of feeling awkward because you might only know your sister and niece. It would be helpful if you knew some of the other adults or even more of the kids because even if you don't bowl, you could interact with the kids when they are waiting for their turn to bowl.

I know it's awkward too. I think it would be fine if you were able to arrange another time when you could see your niece and give her your present and celebrate in a smaller way.  Although if your sister is not understanding that might be tricky. Do you have other siblings who you get along with better who will be there or you could arrange a time when it's just the siblings and your niece?  I hope you can work something out.  At the end of the day, if you feel awkward not going, remember it is just for a few hours.  

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PandaPrincess

@Heather I don't have any other siblings.  Celebrating in a smaller way is what I was thinking of.  My niece is here everyday because my mom watches her until my sister gets home from work.  My niece likes to play video games with me, so I was thinking about letting her pick any game she wants to play with me and we could play it one day.  Probably won't be able to give her her present until next week because I haven't had a chance to get her one yet.  

 

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Heather

@PandaPrincess Aww that sounds like a perfect way to celebrate your niece on her birthday! It is nice you get to see her so often too.

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Nesf

I would go, see how it is, stay around your sister and niece, just stay for an hour or so and if you don't like it, go home early.

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RiRi

I wouldn't go out of fear of what would happen to me, whether the brother in law would be an a$$hole or whether your sister would be an a$$hole. If your sister was a more supportive person, and if I were you, maybe I'd go but your sister doesn't seem supportive often times. And your niece doesn't seem like a nice person given what you said about what happened in the pool the other day. That's rather rude. Wow, I'm so grateful that I'm not scared of my sister that I couldn't even tell her I'm worried and anxious because I think there would be a lot of people at the party or that I'm scared I won't have anyone to talk to or that I'll feel uncomfortable and awkward. If you can't even tell your sister something like this, I can only imagine she's not a nice person in general. 

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PandaPrincess

@RiRi My niece is just a kid, so she's going to be more immature about things and whine when things don't go her way.  That's just how kids are.  Yeah.  My sister isn't very supportive when I talk about my mental issues, so I just avoid talking to her about stuff like that, and usually things are fine.  

@Nesf My sister has a big party for my niece every year, and usually it is just in the church activity building a few minutes from where I live, so normally I would go anyway, but this year it is at the bowling alley, which is at least 40 minutes away. I don't want to spend all that time driving and just stay there for an hour.  I could get a ride with my parents, but then I am trapped there until they want to leave.  I think my mom will be staying home anyway because she has a chronic illness, and I don't know if my dad is going or not.  

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PandaPrincess

I actually thought about making the miniature party more festive by blowing up balloons and putting them in my room and maybe even getting party hats for us to wear.  That way it will feel even more special than just another day of playing video games 😀.

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RiRi

@PandaPrincess She is your niece, it's as if she has no respect for you. I would have probably gotten in trouble if I'd ever acted like that with one of my aunts. I think it's based on how your raise the child. Looks like she doesn't know she's supposed to respect her elders. It's not like she's two or something. 

But good way of showing her that you care about her birthday and trying to make her feel special. 

Edited by RiRi

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