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People Who Have Been Mean to You/Bullied You

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Asgardian
1 hour ago, Ben said:

A confident, self-assured person will NEVER need to bully someone. It's ALWAYS those with a chip on their shoulder (over something) that feel the need to mow people down.

 

The more people you bury, the more you'll 'appear' to stand out and have confidence. The original problem is still there, you've just made everyone else around you miserable. It's an illusion, obviously. And an incredibly lazy way to approach life. 

It is ironic that people who need support because of something so often end up isolated because they bully others to make themselves feel better.

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RiRi
2 hours ago, Asgardian said:

It is ironic that people who need support because of something so often end up isolated because they bully others to make themselves feel better.

Where have you seen this phenomenon? I'm just asking because I'm curious. Has it happened on this forum? 

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Asgardian
22 minutes ago, RiRi said:

Where have you seen this phenomenon? I'm just asking because I'm curious. Has it happened on this forum? 

Just a general observation really. It seems to be a common occurrence with bullying.

Edited by Asgardian

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Peridot

Yeah, I've read up on bullying in the past and I read that the people a bully surrounds themselves with actually don't like him/her at all. Instead they're afraid of them. No one likes a bully. A lot of bullies don't even like themselves.

Bullies need to piss off!

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Willow
13 hours ago, RiRi said:

Where have you seen this phenomenon? I'm just asking because I'm curious. Has it happened on this forum? 

This seems to be how it is, generally. Bullies tear other people down to make themselves feel better, but when there's no one left to tear down, they are still just alone with their problems.

Of course some bullies are just horrible people with no issues other than enjoying making people feel bad.

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Aspergolfer

The best way to approach anyone is from a stance of love and peace. Jesus said to love God with all our being and others as ourselves. Bless the person who curses you, be kind to the one who is unkind to you and always forgive when you are wronged.

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StarlessEclipse
On 5/24/2019 at 12:58 PM, Aspergolfer said:

The best way to approach anyone is from a stance of love and peace. Jesus said to love God with all our being and others as ourselves. Bless the person who curses you, be kind to the one who is unkind to you and always forgive when you are wronged.

Highly convenient for those in positions of power, isn't it?

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Aspergolfer

It's a biblical position. One that is to be taken by anyone who has put their trust in God through His only begotten Son Jesus Christ. Be a peacemaker, love the unlovable. Let God live through you and the world will see His impact on your life and will want the same thing in theirs.

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Alice
On 5/24/2019 at 11:58 PM, Aspergolfer said:

The best way to approach anyone is from a stance of love and peace. Jesus said to love God with all our being and others as ourselves. Bless the person who curses you, be kind to the one who is unkind to you and always forgive when you are wronged.

Forgiving is different to allowing abuse to continue.

Jesus called out pharises who abused their position, he stood up for prostitutes, women, beggars - he pissed off people in authority and power which eventually got him killed. Jesus stood up for what is right. I think when he asks you to be meek, hes saying dont retaliate - dont become a monster, when fighting monsters, but you can most certainly stand your ground, and fight for what is right. Have boundaries that protect your peace. Peaceful protest - protest that doesnt creates further harm in the world but wont sit by and allow it to continue. That is following Jesus's example.

Edited by Alice

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Sanctuary
9 hours ago, Alice said:

Forgiving is different to allowing abuse to continue.

Jesus called out pharises who abused their position, he stood up for prostitutes, women, beggars - he pissed off people in authority and power which eventually got him killed. Jesus stood up for what is right. I think when he asks you to be meek, hes saying dont retaliate - dont become a monster, when fighting monsters, but you can most certainly stand your ground, and fight for what is right. Have boundaries that protect your peace. Peaceful protest - protest that doesnt creates further harm in the world but wont sit by and allow it to continue. That is following Jesus's example.

I think this position is spot-on. When there is injustice or bad behaviour it is no answer to say someone should simply endure it or even be as pleasant as possible to to those who victimise them in the hope that they will see the error of their ways. Wrongdoing including bullying always has to be challenged. Where the Biblical advice is right is in warning of the dangers of an aggressive, "eye for an eye" approach. As someone once said - if you fight fire with fire you get ashes. The temptation in the face of bullying and other abuse is to react aggressively but this risks an even more aggressive response and very often the bully / abuser is much more experienced and "skilled" in the use of aggression. Aggression and "retaliation" also runs the risk of the abuser then being allowed to play the victim and paint the real victim as the aggressor. At the very least it produces a distraction and an attitude from others of "they're both as bad as each other". We are human and sometimes we do react in these sorts of ways when mistreated but it is a risky strategy.

As you mention there are ways of challenging bad behaviour which don't involve aggression and retaliation. For example there are channels for making complaints and protest. There is the genuine problem that these don't always work well and too often those whose job is to right wrongs and offer protection fail to do so. They do need to be held more to account and sometimes other approaches have to be taken but ignoring them and simply lashing out is rarely the right idea.

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