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Willow

Asking Lots of Questions

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Willow

*this thread was split from another thread that went off topic*

Sometimes a lot of questions can be an invasion of privacy though, which is something to at least be weary of, if not sorry about. Just because most people tolerate it doesn't mean it's okay and doesn't need apologising for. I sometimes ask for people to ask me things, so that's a little different, not that I will always answer the questions, if they are too private. 

Just something to think about.

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Asgardian
7 hours ago, Willow said:

Sometimes a lot of questions can be an invasion of privacy though, which is something to at least be weary of, if not sorry about. Just because most people tolerate it doesn't mean it's okay and doesn't need apologising for. I sometimes ask for people to ask me things, so that's a little different, not that I will always answer the questions, if they are too private. 

Just something to think about.

I agree. Personally I don't like being asked loads of questions, but I guess other people don't mind so much.

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RiRi
On 3/3/2019 at 4:30 AM, Willow said:

Sometimes a lot of questions can be an invasion of privacy though, which is something to at least be weary of, if not sorry about. Just because most people tolerate it doesn't mean it's okay and doesn't need apologising for. I sometimes ask for people to ask me things, so that's a little different, not that I will always answer the questions, if they are too private. 

Just something to think about.

Have I ever invaded your privacy or where are you getting this from? How did you come up with this conclusion? How can asking a lot of questions be invasion of privacy? No one's obligated to answer any of my questions. I believe invasion of privacy is something like going through someone's diary or through their things without permission, not asking about things, even if it's extremely personal, it's up to the person to give an answer. Asking questions is not something I should be afraid of doing. I shouldn't become weary of it because everyone is different. I'm not going to change/stop asking questions and apologize for the person that I am just because you or someone else doesn't like it. 

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Willow
6 minutes ago, RiRi said:

Have I ever invaded your privacy or where are you getting this from? How did you come up with this conclusion? How can asking a lot of questions be invasion of privacy? No one's obligated to answer any of my questions. I believe invasion of privacy is something like going through someone's diary or through their things without permission, not asking about things, even if it's extremely personal, it's up to the person to give an answer. Asking questions is not something I should be afraid of doing. I shouldn't become weary of it because everyone is different. I'm not going to change/stop asking questions and apologize for the person that I am just because you or someone else doesn't like it. 

It was just some advice, to maybe prevent you from upsetting people, there’s no need to get so defensive. I don’t think you have the right attitude, personally, here’s why…

A lot of people won’t be comfortable, for a whole host of reasons, to be asked a lot of questions. And if you ask it even though you know they may not want to answer, then that’s considered rude. The fact that some people have answered or would answer the questions doesn’t change this. If you know a person well enough then sure, go ahead. It’s not that you’re rude for wondering about things, but it’s rude to presume that a person would be comfortable enough to answer, and if they’re not, you’ve then made them uncomfortable by having to address the point of not answering, and potentially feeling the need to explain why they don’t want to answer.

When asking many questions, or personal questions, you are assuming that a certain level of intimacy exists with that person, when it in fact may not (and definitely doesn’t in many cases here on the forum), so you’re overstepping socially, which is also seen as rude. It’s not that your questions are offensive on their own, it’s the assumed intimacy between you and who you’re asking that is offensive, and not understanding or accepting that even when you’ve been told.

Alternatively, there could be a whole host of reasons, as eluded to above, which you do not know about, which are reasons that should stop you from asking certain things to people you don’t know well. Questions to do with weight, when aimed directly at a person, could be taken as offensive if that person has some kind of body image anxiety, or has recently gained or lost weight for medical reasons – things that if you knew them well enough to ask the question, you would know about and therefore know to be cautious. Of course, asking a question in a thread, aiming it at many people who can choose whether or not to answer is different, and usually, completely fine.

Quite simply, some information is just private, and even thinking to ask about it is quite a rude thing to do, when it’s not someone you know well. All that being said, it doesn’t mean you can’t ask questions, it just means you need to be careful what you ask and how you ask it – it’s on you to show sensitivity, and if you slip up, to apologise.

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RiRi
4 minutes ago, Willow said:

you’ve then made them uncomfortable by having to address the point of not answering, and potentially feeling the need to explain why they don’t want to answer

I don't know if this is talking in a general sense, maybe it is because I haven't asked someone to explain why they don't want to answer a personal question. I don't expect an explanation. 

8 minutes ago, Willow said:

All that being said, it doesn’t mean you can’t ask questions, it just means you need to be careful what you ask and how you ask it – it’s on you to show sensitivity, and if you slip up, to apologise.

As the autistic guru that you are, I mean that in a good way, you should know autistic people aren't very good at telling apart what might be an okay thing to say and whatnot. Like I said, everyone is different, some will be fine with it when a mistake does happen, some will not. Even if the person has some knowledge of what might be okay or not okay to say, even if the person is not autistic, one person can always wind up offended. 

Also, I have never asked a question I wouldn't be comfortable answering myself. That is what I go by. Also, even though you said it was fine to ask about the weight on the forum, I have weight issues, I'm obese. So, it's not like I post threads to make everyone else feel shitty. 

14 minutes ago, Willow said:

Quite simply, some information is just private, and even thinking to ask about it is quite a rude thing to do, when it’s not someone you know well

Well, you never know what goes on in people's head. They could think a lot of things about each other, whether they would tell you like I did, it's a different thing. 

So with all this said, I'm not sure what I did wrong. I apologized for asking you those personal questions. Did I miss something? I feel like you are talking about a different person because 1) I would not ask a person personally how much they weigh if I see they're fat 2) I wouldn't expect an explanation to why I get no answer to a personal question ... 

All of this started because I only asked a question about the member with the dots. I wasn't the only one that asked questions at the beginning of your newsletter threads.

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Willow

@RiRi My examples were generalised. I was generally telling you why asking a lot of questions is rude, because you didn't understand. As an autistic person, I get that you may miss the point, socially, so I was explaining it all to you so you could understand and move forward acting accordingly.

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Willow

@RiRi

Posts have been moved since the Newsletters thread had gone off topic.

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RiRi

@Willow Okay, I just hope the other topic doesn't go off topic again since it has two off topic posts. If someone new comes in without seeing these posts might derail it again unless they are redirected here.

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Asgardian
3 hours ago, RiRi said:

I'm not going to change/stop asking questions and apologize for the person that I am just because you or someone else doesn't like it. 

Then you have to expect negative reactions sometimes. If you want to constantly question people then that is your choice, nobody can physically stop you from doing so, but you cannot then complain if some people don't like it. If you have been told more than once that a certain behaviour can be annoying or feel intrusive and yet you still do it you cannot then get defensive with people for pointing that out. Life doesn't work that way.

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RiRi
6 minutes ago, Asgardian said:

Then you have to expect negative reactions sometimes. If you want to constantly question people then that is your choice, nobody can physically stop you from doing so, but you cannot then complain if some people don't like it. If you have been told more than once that a certain behaviour can be annoying or feel intrusive and yet you still do it you cannot then get defensive with people for pointing that out. Life doesn't work that way.

I guess so. But I don't need to be told multiple times for the same incident, one time is enough. I remember when I did the April Fools on the wrong date people kept coming at me that it was wrong. Also, it's difficult to get it right, what would be triggering for one person and what wouldn't. Yes, there is a general sense but even so, some people are okay with it while others aren't. That's why I said I'm not going to stop doing it. Sometimes it can be useful to ask a lot of questions. I've had instances when I pointed out something someone didn't notice and it was helpful, not always, but it has happened. 

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