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RiRi

Answering For Someone Else

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RiRi

Hi,

I've been wondering this. Is it wrong etiquette to answer something on someone else's behalf? I've noticed that I've sometimes done this on the forum. There was a livestream with @Willow and someone asked another person's age and because I knew it, I just blurted out the answer. I can't remember if the person ended up answering but the chat keep going no problem and Willow's response seemed okay. She didn't seem bothered by it but I don't know if it's just because she's lenient? 

On the forum, I've answered people who were talking to another person before and one time I got an extremely negative response. The other time, which was more recently, was less rude but that person did seem bothered. I don't know if maybe I've done this more than I realize as an adult but if I did, I probably did not get negative responses because I would remember them. I'd also like to note that usually when I answer a question is because I want to be helpful to a person. I see no response, so I give my answer to the question. Sometimes I see something I can relate to and I want to answer. I felt like this recently and wanted to reply to a post but I felt it would be wrong to do. Is it wrong etiquette to answer for someone else? If so, why? 

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Peridot

I'd say it depends. If it's some meaningless thing then that's seen as OK by some but if it's something about that person, something personal, then that's frowned upon. You can't speak for that person when it comes to how they think or how they feel about certain things… People don't like it when someone else answers for them as the answer may not be entirely right...and then because someone started saying these things "before their turn" people might start getting the wrong impression of them. Speaking before your turn is rude in general, I'd say. But there are instances where it doesn't cause irritation depending on various factors but in general it's a bad idea, I'd say.

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RiRi

@Peridot Thank you. The answers I've given generally are things that were openly said on the forum. I wouldn't answer on behalf of someone else if it's something more personal. Like say someone asked for someone's number and I know it, I wouldn't give that away. Or on the forum, if it was something that was discussed privately, I wouldn't say it on the forum. Or if it's something I think it's private, I wouldn't answer either. I'm very careful with private things, especially because I'm a very private person myself. And thankfully, I am blessed with a good memory so I remember what was discussed privately and what wasn't. I was just referring to general things.

I guess I will try not to do it in a general sense anymore and if I see someone asked someone else a question, I know I shouldn't answer. Thank you for your input. 🙂 

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Willow

When it's a question directly about another person, aimed at that person, then yes, it's wrong, and rude, to answer for them. It could be that you know that information, but may have been told in confidence or out of the public eye, and to answer for them means you're sharing something which isn't rightfully yours to share.

In your example, I believe I tried to steer the conversation forward and not react on a livestream, but I did think it was rude to answer for her. Age is considered private and personal, and shouldn't be given out by another person without their permission.

Even if information is on the forum, it may not be something that people would willingly give to someone they don't know who is asking. It's never okay to answer for someone else, in my opinion.

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RiRi

@Willow I got that information from the forum where she stated her age or year when she was born or something about her age or birthdate. Your response was something like, "Oh, RiRi's got it," or something along those lines. So it seemed positive but thank you for letting me know how you really felt and that it was rude.

@Peridot said it's wrong to do it in a general sense as well. So I will definitely be trying to change that moving forward. I actually did not know it was socially inappropriate so I apologize. 

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RiRi

You edited your post, so I had not seen the parts you changed and that's why I answered how I did above. I will try to remember to quote you from now on. 

16 minutes ago, Willow said:

When it's a question directly about another person, aimed at that person, then yes, it's wrong, and rude, to answer for them. It could be that you know that information, but may have been told in confidence or out of the public eye, and to answer for them means you're sharing something which isn't rightfully yours to share.

In your example, I believe I tried to steer the conversation forward and not react on a livestream, but I did think it was rude to answer for her.

Edited by RiRi

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Alice

@RiRi I like your profile GIF btw

Do you have ADD/ADHD?

Its a symptom of ADD (I have the innattentive subtype) but I think its also related to autism to not really the 'normal' back and forth social rules 

In ADD its part of the impulsivity aspect, which can be in both the hyperactive and innattentive subtypes. I have trained myself to ignore the impulse unless a person is struggling to find a word, the I say the word with an uptone at the end to make it a question, so its not like im answering for the person, its just a suggestion that leaves room for the person to correct me if its not what they meant and usually is a helpful prompt to help them find the word or meaning they were looking for.

Not that impulsivity means you have ADD, everyone has it to a greater or lesser degree. There is an adult checklist on here if you or anyone is interested https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/adhd-quiz/
and https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-test-adults/

Edited by Alice

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Nesf

I've been known to do this on occasion, especially as a child, and got into trouble for it. Sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's not ok and the rules as to when it is and isn't ok may depend on the person and the circustance, and thus be difficult to guage. So I think it's best to play safe and not say anything, especially if the person is present at the time, let them speak for themselves. As for age, best to make it a rule never to reveal a person's age (or weight), because it's very private for some people, even if they did mention it on the forum or other public platform.

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Sanctuary

Sometimes this is done inadvertently, especially on a forum, so one person may not have picked up that a particular point has been directed at another person to answer. Questions specifically about another person should be left for that person to answer (should they wish to do so). Occasionally the question is asked of a specific person but isn't actually about a personal matter, e.g. it may be asking for information about a service or an answer to a broader, factual question. Another person might know the answer to that and might want to post it, perhaps with the good intention of ensuring the questioner gets a quicker response. All the same though it can seem like "butting-in" and not be appreciated by the person who has been asked or the person who asked the question. Generally it's best to wait and let the intended person answer. Occasionally that person hasn't answered after some time and if the question is not in any way personal, e.g. "where can I find details of autistic help services in my area", answering seems okay, especially if it is responding to someone looking for support. It may even be possible to put the information in a private message rather than a public post to avoid seeming to cut across the person asked. Personal, sensitive questions though should never be answered on someone's behalf, either in public or in private. 

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RiRi
On 3/7/2019 at 5:37 PM, Alice said:

@RiRi I like your profile GIF btw

Do you have ADD/ADHD?

Its a symptom of ADD (I have the innattentive subtype) but I think its also related to autism to not really the 'normal' back and forth social rules 

In ADD its part of the impulsivity aspect, which can be in both the hyperactive and innattentive subtypes. I have trained myself to ignore the impulse unless a person is struggling to find a word, the I say the word with an uptone at the end to make it a question, so its not like im answering for the person, its just a suggestion that leaves room for the person to correct me if its not what they meant and usually is a helpful prompt to help them find the word or meaning they were looking for.

Not that impulsivity means you have ADD, everyone has it to a greater or lesser degree. There is an adult checklist on here if you or anyone is interested https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/adhd-quiz/
and https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-test-adults/

Thank you. 🙂 

I took the test and got that I do have Adult ADHD. I took one test a while back and got 38. I think I do and possibly have ADD but I don't know if I will ever get it diagnosed. I have several diagnoses under my belt and I don't know if I seek for a ADD diagnosis, whether people will think I have ADD rather than ASD. Although, I do think I have both. 

That is nice that you have trained yourself to ignore the impulses. I don't know if I have the impulses, maybe I do but I haven't identified them and don't know how to. 

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