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StarlessEclipse

Ability to form & sustain relationships

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StarlessEclipse

This is perhaps a bit of an oddly specific question, but did any of you once believe that you were incapable of forming and sustaining normal human relationships (platonic and/or romantic), and later find that you were mistaken? That you had greater capacity for connection with others than you thought?

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Peridot

A relationship kinda sustains itself I would say... Two people like each other so they seek each other out. They enjoy each other's company so they spend time together… *shrugs* It's not that complicated.

The whole hypergamy thing e.g. where someone wants to "date up" where it's about gratification they get from having a "higher status" partner or about money/financial security sucks. There's a woman from my country who threw herself at a popular, wealthy YouTuber for this reason, I believe. The poor guy actually has her "in his life" now. I feel bad for him. Another woman comes to mind who allegedly married a succesful businessman and in her case I might have a different feeling about it but hypergamy basically isn't for me.

Then you've got the type of relationship where it's "for the sake of one" which I wouldn't be able to sustain. Or endure rather. Passionless… Stagnant… Lonely… What you often see e.g. with these also is that the woman is more in love with her children than with her husband which creeps me out, to be honest.

I could go on a long, kinda bitter rant here but I'll just close this post/reply with saying that if it's "hard work" then there's something wrong. Normally it flows naturally. I understand that in the beginning it's maybe scary or challenging where you deal with insecurities you might have etc. but once you've gotten to know each other and you like each other there normally isn't any perpetual tension.

Edited by Peridot

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Sanctuary

In the right circumstances almost anything is possible. Someone who has struggled, for whatever reason, to have friendships or intimate relationships can find a person or certain people with whom "everything clicks". Often timing is really important and what works at one time will not work at another. Confidence can then become a huge factor and someone who has started to develop successful experience of relationships then goes into future ones with better skills and more expectation of success. Success or failure is not just down to one person but the capacity is there in us all and things we thought could never happen might be more possible than we think.  

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StarlessEclipse
On 4/15/2019 at 9:53 AM, Sanctuary said:

In the right circumstances almost anything is possible. Someone who has struggled, for whatever reason, to have friendships or intimate relationships can find a person or certain people with whom "everything clicks". Often timing is really important and what works at one time will not work at another. Confidence can then become a huge factor and someone who has started to develop successful experience of relationships then goes into future ones with better skills and more expectation of success. Success or failure is not just down to one person but the capacity is there in us all and things we thought could never happen might be more possible than we think.  

For more reasons than I can even begin to explain, I often feel that my perspective is so vastly removed from that of everyone else my age and beyond that I'll never be able to form a meaningful connection with anyone, and that would include others on the spectrum. Even as a six-year veteran of this forum, I remain very much an outsider, underestimated and misunderstood.

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Peridot
3 hours ago, StarlessEclipse said:

Even as a six-year veteran of this forum, I remain very much an outsider, underestimated and misunderstood.

Other members also feel that way but they aren't outsiders either.

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