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Andy

I Have Done It Again !

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spiderwoman0_2

Sounds like a jumped up little prick that needs knocking down a peg or two, I can just imagine what he's like and he most likely has a face I'd like to punch.............was that a bit too much?  Just makes me angry.

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Toran

Sounds like a jumped up little prick that needs knocking down a peg or two, I can just imagine what he's like and he most likely has a face I'd like to punch.............was that a bit too much?  Just makes me angry.

These type of people are very annoying especially the young ones who think they can do and say what they want without any consequences. Its not wrong to feel like hitting someone its an involuntary feeling but its wrong to do it.

These situations are difficult but i don't have groups of friends to go out with so i haven't experienced this kind of thing myself but it must be very difficult to deal with and to be honest i think Andys friends should support him here and help resolve his situation.

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spiderwoman0_2

Yes I agree Toran :)

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Andy

So what's the connection between you guys?  Is it a club?  A hobby group?  You all go to the same pub??

Just friends, people who were alone brought together into a group where we suggested the pub we drank at started a quiz night where we became a quiz team and being a quiz team we attended other quizzes in pubs as to be fair if I can't drink myself stupid I can't exist in a pub if there is nothing to do. as  my social skills aren't fab but my friends know me and what I am like, so everything's okay.

 

As I said we attracted another adult to the group a 32 year old single female who had just moved into the area, but her being a dominant leader type she is vocal in what she thinks and so led the group off away from one of our quiz nights to another pub where she took interest in the Landlord's eighteen year old son and so the problem for some reason he now comfortable in our group finds it fun to pick on me and this 32 year old female defends him but my friends don't defend me they say I am too sensitive and should man up, but it is an observation, anything any activity were people are, it is always me that becomes the object of someone's joke.

 

So last night I left them to it, my friends went one place I went somewhere else on my own.

 

You see I need my nights out because I live on my own and see no one for days on end, I need the company of my friends, I need the company of people whom I can trust but people don't need me.

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Nesf

I'm not an expert on this and don't socialize in groups, but from what i understand of them there is always a pecking order and two dominant members may vy with each other to lead or dominate the group. Your group had found it's equilibrium, and now a couple of new ones have joined, one of which is looking dominate and take a leading role, the other is a lot younger and is looking to get a foothold in and better his position in the group, and is using the favour of the other new dominant member to do so, at your expense.

 

I agree with the advice of your friend, to stand up for yourself and put him in his place. If the new member is female and the other members male, that adds another dimension to it... the male members may be seeking to attract the attention of the new girl, again at your expense, and don't want to be seen supporting you. Basically you're the victim of social politics :( This is exactly why I don't like groups or cliques, and don't join it. I hate this kind of social jostling and shoving that goes on. I am aware that it goes on in theory, but ill equipped to recognise it and deal with it in practice.

 

I once had a situation where I thought I was being bullied at work, so I decided to confront her. I thought very carefully about what I was going to say. Being direct is the best approach, in my opinion. I waited until she was on her own, and said very crossly, "hey, what's this? what's going on?" at which point she back tracked and denied all knowledge of what she had done... but did leave me alone.

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Andy

Oh yes, I fully recognise what is going on for human behaviour I have been studying all my life from position not included and one of the males a 42 year old has made a play for the new female and been rebuffed she having already chosen the teenager who will move on what he has got what he is after leaving her with nothing where I do suspect she will peel away from the group given she has focused all her attention in one direction only, though what she hoped to gain from supporting a teenager I can only understand is infatuation given at 32 she is still single.

 

You see we never had these dynamics in our group prior to the new people for none of us were attracted to each other in terms of mating and all that we were just good friends that trusted each other implicitly where our age range was 57 to 35 the eldest being female and each of us had our own lives outside the group and we just met twice a week for a laugh and a chat also the quizzes.

 

Now we have all this drama, these two new people have brought that, I can see it I am wondering if anyone else can, but I will stay away from what I don't understand until there is a change for I can self sacrifice with ease, for I am well practised and yes, I am sensitive and I don't know how to man up that does not involve violence for I can put this boy in his place but I will be rejected from the group because of it, and that at least where quite possibly exists other implications if I do for daddy is an ex copper.

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Colin

stand up for who you are.

i had to do it a few years ago at work it was very hard but i had to confront someone who was saying bad things about me.

because of doing this that person respects me now and no longer treats me like crap.

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Andy

stand up for who you are.

i had to do it a few years ago at work it was very hard but i had to confront someone who was saying bad things about me.

because of doing this that person respects me now and no longer treats me like crap.

I did do, he in the sanctity of his father's pub laughed in my face and his audience  laughed along with him. And so without resorting to violence the only respect I can garner if any is forthcoming is keep away from what I cannot draw peace with for I am not the one at fault here but it is being made out to be me and my friends that know me better are not fighting my corner to which I wonder what's the point trying to feel included and wanted when the truth is where there is no support, there is no care and I have once again put faith in people not worthy of that faith, but I need friends as without there is no point being here as I have nothing else.

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Boobookittyfrag

Why don't you arrange to spend time with one or two of that group that you are okay with, and not invite the rest? Get some sort of normality back into it and perhaps they will notice the disparity when the others are around? By that I mean if they see you being okay and relaxed with them, and they see the drama that happens when these new people are around they might actually click that it's not you, but them?

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Toran

Why don't you arrange to spend time with one or two of that group that you are okay with, and not invite the rest? Get some sort of normality back into it and perhaps they will notice the disparity when the others are around? By that I mean if they see you being okay and relaxed with them, and they see the drama that happens when these new people are around they might actually click that it's not you, but them?

That's a very good idea to show them where the problem lies.

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