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zzax27

Empathy, Or The Lack Of It

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Xmas

 Also crying an laughing are two sides to the same coin.

Totally agree,

 

though I have never laughed when someone has cried - with the exception of watching films or TV perhaps but not sure if that counts.

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Peridot

There's the word "affect" which can mean the following:

 

An expressed or observed emotional response: Restricted, flat, or blunted affect may be a symptom of mental illness,

 

Maybe it's a word that is sooner applicable than empathy? As when you don't have empathy doesn't it mean that you don't care about other people's feelings which isn't really the case?



I'll read through the thread again later on.

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Nesf

Totally agree,

 

though I have never laughed when someone has cried - with the exception of watching films or TV perhaps but not sure if that counts.

Neither have I - though I have often experienced nervous giggles, where I giggle at a time when it's inappropiate - but I think most people do this at some time.

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Peridot

It comes down to nervousness mainly. For some aspies, seeing someone cry is a little confusing, if not a little strange. Also crying an laughing are two sides to the same coin. There not so far away from as each other as you might think. Especially when emotions are racing around. 

 

Why is it confusing for some people who are diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome to see other people cry? It's not like they don't know about sadness or any other emotion that can result in someone crying so how does that work? How can they see it as being strange if they are aware of and indeed have emotions?

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Ben

Why is it confusing for some people who are diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome to see other people cry? It's not like they don't know about sadness or any other emotion that can result in someone crying so how does that work? How can they see it as being strange if they are aware of and indeed have emotions?

 

It's very hard to put into words, I'll try and explain. I can't speak for other people on this, so I can only talk from personal experience. 

 

Well, when I see people cry I'm rather taken aback by it. My confusion is not from why their crying it's more a problem of; "Oh dear, their crying, what do I do? Shall I say something? I'm pretty good when it comes to emotions I think. I'm told by others that I am able to add plenty of clarity and insight to a problem, and I have pretty good understanding. 

 

But when it comes to crying (A physical reaction) I find I'm very uneasy and a touch intimidated by it. The chances of me going up to you, patting you on the back, and saying; "Oh! there there! Peridot, It's Ok, I'm here" Are very slim, but what I will do, is looked baffled, and confused, and then try a few Christmas cracker jokes, as an attempt to try and stop you crying.  

 

If someone comes to me and says; "Ben I'm upset about something, I need help" I'll nine times out of ten be able to sit down with you, have a drink and a laugh get you smiling again, and go a long way to help get you to the bottom of it. (Oh, and if you are wondering what that one time out of ten is; it was when a lad came up to me and said he grew an extra testicle.... Hahha! Nah I'm joking) 

 

But when someone is crying, for some strange reason; the only thing I can do is be alternative and laugh instead. As I mentioned, crying and laughing are two sides to the same coin. And for me, I'll be trying to get to Piccadilly but I'm on the Bakerloo line. 

 

I guess, I can't really answer it. It's not a problem, people who know me, know what I'm like. In fact, I think some like it, as I seem to keep a very cool head in a crisis. Well, yes it's partly true, but I'm more detaching myself from the situation. 

 

Hope that cleared it up? If not, ask away and I shall return. 

Edited by Ben

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Toran

It comes down to nervousness mainly. For some aspies, seeing someone cry is a little confusing, if not a little strange. Also crying an laughing are two sides to the same coin. There not so far away from as each other as you might think. Especially when emotions are racing around.

I feel very awkward when people cry and are upset because i don't always understand and have said some very stupid things and made things worse. I never quite get it right and even if somebody talks i don't always understand why they feel the way they do. Laughter is the same in fact worse for me because it involves humour or jokes and that i struggle a great deal. Its why people always think im serious or miserable because my humour isn't always in tune with others so i keep myself to myself.

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Xmas

I don't laugh when people are crying, but I can totally understand Ben's and Toran's explanations. "Oh dear they're crying, what do I do?"  That is totally how I also react and I have often wondered why.

 

Like Toran I just feel completely awkward, and like Ben I will try and change the subject - but not with Christmas cracker jokes. (I prefer Beano jokes myself :lol: no just joking) I will either walk away or just stand there looking and feeling stupid.

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Nesf

I don't laugh when people are crying, but I can totally understand Ben's and Toran's explanations. "Oh dear they're crying, what do I do?"  That is totally how I also react and I have often wondered why.

 

Like Toran I just feel completely awkward, and like Ben I will try and change the subject - but not with Christmas cracker jokes. (I prefer Beano jokes myself :lol: no just joking) I will either walk away or just stand there looking and feeling stupid.

I agree with this, if i see people being upset and I don't feel upset as they do even though I'm fully aware of of the situation which is causing the upset.

 

When I was about 12 years old, my father had a serious car accident. Everyone in my family was panicking, crying, rushing around upset, and I took off on my own and went for a long walk. I was also unaware of my inability to feel what they were feeling, and it disturbed me and made me think that I mustn't care about my father. I felt uncomfortable around the other family members when they were in this state, and needed to be on my own.

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Xmas

I agree with this, if i see people being upset and I don't feel upset as they do even though I'm fully aware of of the situation which is causing the upset.

 

When I was about 12 years old, my father had a serious car accident. Everyone in my family was panicking, crying, rushing around upset, and I took off on my own and went for a long walk. I was also unaware of my inability to feel what they were feeling, and it disturbed me and made me think that I mustn't care about my father. I felt uncomfortable around the other family members when they were in this state, and needed to be on my own.

I can understand this because I also react differently to those around me, and any reaction that I do have does not always show, but it does not mean that I do not care.

 

Like you did in this situation, I am more likely to go off on my own, and I do feel uncomfortable because I am unable to behave the way everybody else does in such a situation and it can sometimes make me appear to be cold.

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Nesf

I can understand this because I also react differently to those around me, and any reaction that I do have does not always show, but it does not mean that I do not care.

 

Like you did in this situation, I am more likely to go off on my own, and I do feel uncomfortable because I am unable to behave the way everybody else does in such a situation and it can sometimes make me appear to be cold.

Yes, I understand, I've always tried to deal with things on my own rather than seek help and comfort from other people. I now undertand that it's not that I don't care, it's just that I have a different way of dealing with it and expressing it.

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