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zzax27

Empathy, Or The Lack Of It

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Toran

I can totally relate to what you guys have been through. and i'm sorry for your loss btw, Xmas and Toran.. :(

 

There have been so many situations for me as well in life when I've been required to emotionally respond like the people around me and couldnt..

 

but i was diagnosed quite recently and used to get quite a beating when i wasnt like the other kids as a child so resorted to faking emotions(which felt more wrong and disrespectful than being myself)... now that i'm on my own, i've returned to my stoic self, not that that's any improvement lol but tears(my own or others') have never been a comfortable situation or me. especially when a girl cries around me.... it's just so much worse cause women are supposed to be have a more motherly, caring vibe and console the chick as opposed to men in general and I'd be standing there nervously rubbing up my own arms or neck and muttering words like "it's going to be....", "you know, the sooner you start moving on from this....", "these things happen..." or "hey, people are different.. " 

 

I donno what to say!!!!!  :wacko:

 

I understand the person's not in his/her right mind, no matter what comes outta my mouth.. it aint gonna register.. so i mutter half- sentences.. and since im not a big fan of physical contact.. hugging or awkwardly patting on the back seem like equally ridiculous notions.. haha :ph34r:

 

but hey, people really are just different. if we were all the same, human beings would just be a mundane bunch, eh? :huh:   :P

I can totally relate to what you guys have been through. and i'm sorry for your loss btw, Xmas and Toran.. :(

 

There have been so many situations for me as well in life when I've been required to emotionally respond like the people around me and couldnt..

 

but i was diagnosed quite recently and used to get quite a beating when i wasnt like the other kids as a child so resorted to faking emotions(which felt more wrong and disrespectful than being myself)... now that i'm on my own, i've returned to my stoic self, not that that's any improvement lol but tears(my own or others') have never been a comfortable situation or me. especially when a girl cries around me.... it's just so much worse cause women are supposed to be have a more motherly, caring vibe and console the chick as opposed to men in general and I'd be standing there nervously rubbing up my own arms or neck and muttering words like "it's going to be....", "you know, the sooner you start moving on from this....", "these things happen..." or "hey, people are different.. " 

 

I donno what to say!!!!!  :wacko:

 

I understand the person's not in his/her right mind, no matter what comes outta my mouth.. it aint gonna register.. so i mutter half- sentences.. and since im not a big fan of physical contact.. hugging or awkwardly patting on the back seem like equally ridiculous notions.. haha :ph34r:

 

but hey, people really are just different. if we were all the same, human beings would just be a mundane bunch, eh? :huh:   :P

I share your reluctance for touching it makes me feel rather uncomfortable and im concerned about hygiene as well. When i go to meetings its all shaking hands and when i excused myself to go to the toilet you could tell they thought something was wrong.

Being unsure of what to say is something that is always going to be with us as its who we are and no matter how uncomfortable it makes us i suppose we have to get used it there is little else to be done.

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zzax27

Being unsure of what to say is something that is always going to be with us as its who we are and no matter how uncomfortable it makes us i suppose we have to get used it there is little else to be done.

you're right there.. sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do..

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mary

I believe myself to be quite empathetic.  I guess really I need to be in the roles in which I've had for the last 13 years or so in work.  I started out in mental health and have moved into palliative care, so without empathy I'd have struggled.  That said, I have seen a good few colleagues who seem to be lacking it, and they're supposedly NT!

 

I don't find it difficult to sympathise or empathise with most situations... only if they seem completely absurd to me, so someone who is experiencing great difficulties with their mental health or physical health... well, that comes naturally to me it seems.  I'd struggle more with the likes of someone continually complaining about their life not being perfect and them not having the perfect boyfriend or something!!

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Toran

I think this is an issue that isnt related to aspies alone and in a lot of ways nts are equally if no more so to have lack of empathy with people. If you're caught up in a life that gives you little time you naturally will not have time to think that deeply about others problems and dilemmas. If this site is anything to go by aspies show an awful lot of empathy and compasion to people and always willing to help by giving advice or just listening when people need a bit of extra support.

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MrGlass

I believe it is kind of a myth that people on the spectrum all completely lack empathy. I actually think we share a lot of empathy, particularly when it comes to things to do with ASD because we understand how it is to feel a certain way (frustrated, misunderstood, overloaded etc.)

 

Exactly, I have a genuine fear of hurting people's feelings when I say things, because I know sometimes I can be a little too blunt, and I definitely know about hurt feelings.

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Mike_GX101

Does anyone know whether having a lack of emotion can affect a person's ability to deal with religious issues, which by their very context often can be quite emotional subjects?  For example when people congregate in a church for a ceremony like a wedding there is usually joy and happiness and a sense of it being a defining moment.  Or when bereaved there is a sense of anguish and remorse where a lack of emotion from a person would be felt like a lead brick hitting water at a terrible velocity by those most affected by the loss.  If a person suffers from difficulty with emotion then they may struggle with religious concepts too, at least on the kind of level that matters.

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Toran

Spiritual beliefs for me at least are not diminished by the way i deal with emotions.

It's a belief an understanding and fact which does fit in with how I see things.

It's based on proof you see what you can take from it based upon evidence you know is not known by the mediums.

I have emotions at weddings funerals and any other event but they appear different to other people's and they don't understand me.

So I don't think it will effect how you will feel as it's personal to you so as long as you have your understanding you have your religious beliefs just because others may not see them exactly the same as you does it matter. It's excepting these views that is the real understanding of religious people.

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Toran

Old news really, the great spiritual teacher osho said thank god there is no god. Work it out.

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aspiesw

I struggle with empathy. I mean, I can feel sorry for people, but I couldn't imagine myself in their position. I tend to laugh at people's misfortune, I don't know why, I can't help it :(

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